Out of the kindness of my heart I decided to be my sister's surrogate. I have a son and he's six months old and a husband so really and truely I've got 2 children at home. I'm 3 months pregnant and she doesn't want the baby. We discussed me being her surrogate for quite sometime before I actually did it, because I know my sister, but I honestly didn't think she'd do this. What do I need to do as far as she is concerned because technically I'm carrying my neice/nephew and I'm not going to hide the fact that I'm not his/her mother. My husband and I can afford to keep the baby, so that's what we're prepared to do. My thing is what if she decides to keep the baby, I cannot hand her this child knowing she didn't want it at one point in time. What do I need to say to her? What can I say to her? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
2007-11-14 07:53:04 · 7 answers · asked by luvsthepink 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
♥ Well I definetly think that you should talk to her about why she changed her mind. Maybe she's just scared that she's finally going to be a mommy. Whatever the reason you need to figure it out.
♥ As for the actual pregnancy... unless you and her went to a lawyer [[pre-pregnancy]] and had papers drawn up then this is legally your child and you are responsible for him/her. If your sister decides that she does not want the child for whatever reason then you and your husband will just have another beautiful in your home. Baby's are blessings, as I'm sure you know by having a 6 month old! :-)
♥ If she decides to keep the baby then honestly its up to you whether or not you hand the baby over. Once you get to the bottom of why she changed her mind then things will come easier to you. Just sit her down & talk to her.
Good Luck!
2007-11-14 08:02:21 · answer #1 · answered by NCIS ♥ Addict 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a situation as complicated and sensitive as this, you need to be completely HONEST with her about how YOU feel. She is probably just going through a phase and getting a little nervous about having a new baby and taking care of it. I think that's probably normal. How could she not want her own baby, especially once she sees it.
If you are her surrogate and the baby is technically hers, then she really should be the one to get to decide if she keeps the baby, even if you feel frustrated about how she feels right now. You need to remember that even though you are carrying it, it is still hers. It sounds like you know your sister and thought long and hard about being a surrogate before you actually did it. I commend you for what you are doing -- afterall, what greater gift could anyone give than what you are doing for her? I'm sure it's hard when she feels ungrateful.
Be patient. Be honest. Talk openly with her about everything. You are both involved and you need to work together and be close through this. I'm sure it's very difficult being in that situation and you deserve to tell her how you are feeling about everything. Remind her of why she had you do this in the first place.
Good luck to you and I think what you are doing is very selfless and beautiful. Carrying a child for 9 months for someone else would be very emotional and bitter-sweet. Love your sister, no matter what. I'll bet she'll come around in time and you need to just be patient and forgiving.
2007-11-14 08:02:40 · answer #2 · answered by Amy B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Does your sister have a father of this child involved in this process or was the insemination done with donated sperm and her eggs? There are some definite legal issues that will need to be determined concerning the custody of this child. It sounds like she had something happen in her life that caused her to change her mind and that needs to be worked out. She has to realize that using a surrogate is the same as getting pregnant herself and that she has major responsibility. Its not as easy as just saying I dont want to do this anymore. There is no turning back once a child is conceived. Make sure she is willing to sign over her legal rights to you if you are going to keep this child.
2007-11-14 08:05:30 · answer #3 · answered by Diane M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you is to get things out in the open now before you get further along and then once the baby is born, get it in writing that she is handing you the custody of the baby, especially if you're taking care of it and calling the baby your own. You don't want her to come back after you've had the baby and grown to love him/her to take it away. She isn't prepared to have the baby.
2007-11-14 07:58:09 · answer #4 · answered by Lailani 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to her, get it in writing and then get it NOTARIZED spelling out that she has forgone her maternal duties to this child.
If that isn't enough. Talk to a lawyer.
2007-11-14 08:05:30 · answer #5 · answered by Just Tryin' to Help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did she change her mind? :(
2007-11-14 07:57:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she wants the baby you have to give it to her. If not, have an abortion now.
2007-11-14 08:01:50 · answer #7 · answered by crazyguyintx 4 · 1⤊ 7⤋