Should I stay or should I go?

Question

It’s been a 5 month long distance relationship.I’ve been to visit him many more times than he to me,as I have less wknd commitments.I’m having a hard time at the moment, low self-esteem because of various things having happened,& I’m not sure if he is helping.Problem is, I’ve fallen in love with him,which just makes it worse.I am always sweet to him, send him presents etc, tell him nice things about him,visit him lots.But now I am feeling low,& while he has phoned me a lot to check if I’m ok he seems more worried that I am depressed cos I’m cheating on him!(I’m not).He wont come visit me cos he wants to play football on wknd.I know he really likes me,I just think he is maybe a bit insensitive&unaware sometimes of others feelings.Should I cool it off and concentrate on getting myself sorted out emotionally,or am I being over worried cos am down at the moment,and I should stay with him cos I love him?

Answer 1

Love conquers all right??

What happens when we are so caught up in the idea & need of love that we can't tell fantasy from reality?? We fall HARDER!!

This post reminds me of when I was head over heels for a guy swore I had "fallen" for rather quickly because he was always there for me on the phone and I was able to vent my problems to him. However, I was always confused by the fact that he never came to visit me on weekends and would much rather spend his spare time with friends than with me. If I saw him it was because I put the effort...he "appreciated" everything I did for him because he was mister "busy man" and just didn't have time to come visit me.

Now that I'm with my bf (new guy) I realized how STUPID I was for putting up with his crap. My bf who liked me from the moment he met me canceled whatever he could to spend a day with me. Even after he was tired from work he'd make time to see me because I "lit up his day." He sent me text messages from work even his work schedule was very hectic. Point is....he proved to me how much I meant to him by putting me first and that's what ur guy isn't doing.

Yes, he's entitled to his sports...but at the cost of seeing u?? What if u didn't visit him for a WHILE?? Would he be fine with that?? If he is fine playing football with his buddies & not seeing u while u are broken hearted missing him then I really think you need to analyze how true is this relationship?? Don't ever put ur happiness second because he sure as hell isn't.

Relationships are about communication & commitment. However here u seem to be doing all the work. Yeah he calls...cuz picking up the phone and dialing takes like 2 seconds but if u are sick will he come?? When it's ur bday will he do something real nice for u or reschedule cuz he's got football?? If u say u are in-love then try taking a step back. Just because we are in a low point in our life doesn't mean we should EVER settle for less. Keep searching and a guy will come around to put a smile on ur face and reach to you in ways u never thought someone would try. I gave up hope and 2 years later I found my true love...my soul mate...my happiness....the reason for my smile.

Have faith...I know it hurts to be alone but it's worse to make someone else happy instead of ourselves when they don't even care about us...

:) Much love!! :)

GL

BTW...to those that say long-distance can't work..think again. My aunt & uncle met over the internet and lived 4 states away...they've been married for 10 years now and dated for another 5 :) so love can work as long as it's true & meant to be..

If u love him...talk to him or make him come to you. Stop giving in...

Answer 2

Relationship advice is always a touchy subject, because there's always more than one answer. But from experience, I'd say make sure your in the right position to give your all. If at any time your feelings or emotions change, then usually that means you need a break! Try to be with someone who is willing to put in the same energy and effort as you are! If not, they may be the cause of your frustrations, and may not be the one for you! Remember that goal number one in relationsahips is to make sure that both parties are satified! So if your feeling a little unappreciated then take a breather! If that doesnt work, then dedicate your time for yourself until your'e satisfied! Good Luck!

Answer 3

You need to end the relationship and move on. I did a long distance relationship fo 5 months also. I fell in love with him, I went and seen him once a month. He came and saw me once the entire time. It was a five hour drive to his house. I also got depressed, lost my job, he called a few times a week, but other than that I never heard from him. I didn't think that he had no reason to come and visit me until I found out that he was going out on the weekends and cheating on me with lots of other girls. So, yes I would say cool it with this guy unless he starts coming to see you. The guy should care more about your feelings then football. Good luck.

Answer 4

Wow I know exactly how you feel. Keep in mind that boys are totally different from us girls. I do the same things for my boy and get similar responses. First thing is that you do need to take care of your self. Get your stuff in order and do something that makes you feel good about who you are. But that doesn't mean that you should leave him. If you truely love him stick it out, he will suprise you one day. And it will be even more special since he seems in sensitive other times. Also I think that you are on the right track about being a little bit more worried because of what is going on. Keep in mind that you may be more sensitive now then you normally are and take that into consideration.

Answer 5

Leave him, all that is going on in this situation is that you are putting your self out to him to much and he doesnt seem to even have much respect for you if he is the one not visiting you, long distance relationships are dangerous and its hard to determine whether if it is all a lie or not. All that happens is that you think too much of it because it is so far away, but on the flip side all it does is cause you pain. Loose the zero and stick with this new guy, because sub consciously you may have been reaching out to this new guy because you may see some positivte quality in him. If there is pain, it is nothing.

Answer 6

Think of it this way - would you want to visit with someone that is always down? You gotta be happy too and see life a positive - not always negative. Perhaps you need professional help dealing with the issues you mentioned - and leave the good times for your boyfriend. Guys (and girls) get tired of having to constantly reassure and boost spirits of their significant other (did that for a while with one bf and it ended up being way too much bother so I had to break up with him because he was making me sad and morose!). If you are really struggling with your self-esteem though, perhaps you shouldn't be dating. It may be that you need to deal with your demons before entering a serious relationship since you won't have the correct tools to deal with sticky situations (arguments, emotions...).

I wish you luck!

Answer 7

Sort yourself out. If he is making it difficult to focus on your own well being then temporarily take a break from him. You and your mental health come before anybody else. Once you are together, you may realize that he may have been the source of your unhappiness. In which case, you need make the break permanent. If you sort yourself out and still want him..then go for it.

Answer 8

Your thinking to much of it for the reason that you are feeling down.
1st of all you cant be in a relationship were he just "likes" u and u "love" him. Its just not fair for you. In the other hand, you should also take care of yourself 1st maybe talk to someone about your low self esteem. Maybe even tell your bf the reall reason you feel sad be open with him. :)

Answer 9

Hun, time to cash in your chips and walk away.
Give yourself credit for knowing the game is not in your favour.

He doesnt love you.
A relationship takes 2 equal partners who are both willing to make the time and sacrafice.
From where I am sitting, you are the only one interested in the relationship.

Men are like busses another one will be along soon, and when you meet the right person you will know.

Answer 10

may i suggest that you tell him exactly what you've just told us and you two have a little chat?
this guy definitely enjoys his independence out there and does not seem to be considerate enough, but if this is just what the problem is then this probably can (and should) be sorted out.
on the other hand, if what he really wants is to pull out and is just not bothered to tell since you don't see each other too much anyway, then i think it's time for you to move on.
good luck anyway