Mother-in-law gives (unwanted) opinion on breast-feeding. How to respond??

Question

I am still breast-feeding my daughter (she is over a year old) a couple times a day (before nap and before bed) because it is a calming ritual for her. My nosy mother-in-law has said before to my husband (he has told me), "she's STILL breast-feeding?? Why??" And the other day she had the nerve to say to me, "You have to stop breast-feeding. You don't have a life!" How do I respond to something like that? I was totally shocked.

Answer 1

kellymom has great suggestions

Handling criticism about breastfeeding
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/criticism.html

Answer 2

NUmber one rule is that baby needs to eat. Of course nursing at the breast is better because there are some perks to it that are not available when bottle feeding such as bonding and allowing the child to determine how much to consume. But feeding breastmilk in a bottle is healthier than feeding formula. So if you cant or don't want to nurse then express yourself. Some women who choose not to nurse do loose their milk supply faster because 'other' things in life start to interfere with pump timing and the longer you go between pumping the less milk your body will make. A mother who pumps every 3 hours ends up pumping every 4 hours and then stretches it to every 5 hours and so on and after a few days or weeks starts to notice that they are grabbing more milk from the freezer then what they are freshly pumping. If you want to express only then just make sure you make it a priority.

Answer 3

breastfeeding is the healthiest nutrition for your daughter. If you want to continue doing it, you should. Don't worry about your mother-in-law's opinion. She is probably just under educated about the benefits of breastfeeding.

This is however something you should discuss with your husband. It's not fair if his opinion is only influenced by his mother - he must have his own opinion about it!

I breastfed my daughter for 6 months - which I'm very proud about! I know they recommend you do it for a full year, but so many women dont even give it a good chance..and they choose to not learn the facts about all the benefits from nursing. I only stopped because I had to go back to work and did not want to hassle with pumping - although I could have! Each person has to make their own decision. That's the bottom line.

Trust in your instinct!

Answer 4

Miss Manners and Dear Abby both have essentially the same suggested response for unwanted advice. You simply say, "Thank you for your concern." or "I really appreciate that you care enough to share that with me." And then turn the conversation to something else. Basically, kill her with kindness.

Many children breast feed for more than one year. It's not uncommon at all. But your MIL probably raised her kids in a time when almost all babies were bottle-fed. I know that when my siblings and I were born, breast feeding just "wasn't done"...The doctors all believed that formula was healthier for the baby, so everybody got formula. She probably just doesn't understand it, because she didn't do it.

Don't let it get to you - I'm sure she's just trying to be helpful.

Answer 5

Politely tell her to but out. You are the mother and she is not it's that simple. As long as you not like those crazy moms out there who breastfeed their children until they are 7 and 8 years old you are fine. A friend of mine breastfed until her daughter was 2. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and you should stand up to your mother in law

Answer 6

Just say 'thank you for your opinion but i am going to continue breastfeeding'. i breast feed my son and did with my daughter but had to give up after 10 days. they recommend breastfeeding until they are a year old anyway (obvioulsy with solid meals) but its personally the best things for your child. i didnt feel ready to stop with my daughter but got an infection and certainly dont feel ready to stop with my son its a great bonding time and he feels comforted and sleeps better. you carry on for aslong as you like and ignore your mother in law. your not doing any harm and she is your daughter and she will let you know when shes ready to stop breast feeding. All the best!

Answer 7

The best answer is "Ok." It's your life, your child and you didn't ask for the advice. People give their opinions all the time and most of the time, it wasn't asked for. It's like that saying: Opinions are like buttholes, everyone's got one.
My mother-in-law is the same way, constantly butting into things and giving her opinion. I use to fight with her all the time, come up with nasty comments to try and get her to stop, but that didn't do anything but ruin our relationship even more and cause more problems. When I simply say "Ok." or "Alrighty.", she can't think of anything else to say and kind of backs off.
Best Wishes and good luck with her in the future! =]

Answer 8

You'll have to forgive your poor mother in law for having issues :-) She may had babies during the years that almost everyone was formula feeding, or may have her own hangups for one reason or another.

Tell her that you are trying to reduce your chances of having breast cancer, type II diabetes, and decrease your risk of fractures and osteoporosis in your postmenopausal period.
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/517586
http://www.aap.org/advocacy/releases/feb05breastfeeding.htm

Worldwide, most babies are weaned between two and four years – but in the US, fewer than 30% of babies are still nursing when they are six months. What is wrong with our country?

Please don't let anyone make you feel like a freak for giving your baby the best milk available to her, what benefits you, comforts your child, and builds a bond like nothing else. You'll stop when you feel it is right for you, and you'll be glad you didn't let others take that from you.

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Extend+breastfeeding's+benefits:+why+stop+at+one+year%3F+Breastmilk...-a0168587250

Answer 9

Try telling her to mind her own business and that when you want her opinion you'll ask for it. My x- mother-in-law was the same way and I tried being nice but it only shut her up for a while soon she was right back to butting in. I finally just had to come straight out and say please mind you own business. you have your way and I have mine,she got it then and very rarely after that did she ever give me or us unwanted advise.
Good Luck

Answer 10

All it seems to be is exactly what you said...Unwanted advice. Let her spill the beans if she wants...it's just her opinion and you and your husband know what is best for your child. She raised hers, now it's your turn...you need to remember that. Good luck...my mother in law gives unwanted advice about everything we do...so don't feel alone!

Answer 11

you dont have to take on what she says... listen and smile politely, then you do whatever you want anyway.
it's your baby and therefore your choice on how to raise them.
but you do need to get along with your in laws, so just be polite and firm.
you could say something like "i am enjoying breast feeding and will stop when both i and (the child) are ready".... or "thankyou for your opinion i will take it into account".... whatever is right for you.