My mom is holding my adoption papers hostage and she wount let me sign the paper that lets me see my birth parents. Her logic is that I dont need to see that right now since I'm in college and am 18 years old. Is there any way i can force her to show me the papers and let me sign them so i can meet my birth parents.
2007-11-14 06:31:59 · 22 answers · asked by subzero_fan_13 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
Sadly your story is a familiar one to me.
So many adoptive parents will not allow their adoptees to search out their family of origin - something that should be their right.
It is your right once you are 18 - it's whether or not your adoptive parents will help or hinder your search. Obviously your a-mother wants to postpone the inevitable.
And it doesn't matter 'why' you want to search - you should not have to justify something that you have every right to do.
Perhaps try telling her that she is only pushing a wedge in-between your relationship by her actions.
Out of all the adoptees that I know - the most well adjusted are those that are given all their information - and freely allowed to search out whomever they wish to search out - and to care for ALL members of their families if they so wish.
You're an adult - but sadly you'll come to realize that adoptees are constantly treated as children - no matter what the age.
For now - I think you should register on ISRR - with your details - and if your mother is looking for you - your details will be matched and you will be notified -
http://www.isrr.net/registration.shtml
And if you need any support from other adoptees - here is the link to a great forum - (with many adoptees who have searching tips and hints if you need them!) -
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php
I wish you all the very very best with your search. (and hope your a-mother will come through)
2007-11-14 17:12:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes, at the age of 18 you are a legally an adult. Which means by law you can start to decide certain things for yourself- for example, you can marry, you can vote. You can also at this age request your adoption records, depending on the laws of your state for open records. If your adoptive mother is denying you your birth certificate and adoption papers, then you need to find out the reasoning behind it. Is she doing it because she honestly believes she is protecting you or is she doing it because she fears what you may do once you find your birth family? You can re-assure her that you love her, and that no matter what, you still view her as your mother. All you are doing is searching because you are curious about where you came from. Which by the way is your right as a person to do. I know that when I finally contacted my birth mother it was because I wanted some answers to some questions. Like why did she give me up? Who was my father? What were her likes and dislikes? Just because I found her, did I in anyway replace my adoptive mom. I know this we as adoptees are the only ones that know when we are ready to start this journey and no one else can tell us when we are ready. If you feel that you are ready then by all means start the search and if your adoptive mom will not give you the papers then you may have to start at the very beginning. All the best to you!
2007-11-14 08:32:35 · answer #2 · answered by a healing adoptee 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
You may not be able to force her to show you the papers, but legally you can obtain them from the agency you were adopted through, and sign papers for the registration to pursue meeting your birth parents. You are 18 now so legally you can.
2007-11-14 08:27:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
well since you're 18 you have every right to the papers. As far as meeting your parents, be sure it's really what you want to do. I am 20 and was adopted from South Korea, and honestly I am perfectly fine not knowing my family. As for the papers, talk to your mom, and make sure she knows you mean business. You're not a kid anymore, so she should respect that. not much help, but Good Luck!!
2007-11-14 08:12:11 · answer #4 · answered by roxy heart 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Depends where you live. If you live in the UK - then you are an adult at 16, and you have the right to find out. There are other ways to find out rather than through your parents.
I know you prob don't want to hear this bit - but the main reason that she doesn't want to show you is incase you leave her (she is insecure). So sit down with her and re-assure her that you are just curious, you don't intend to go and live with someone that gave you up, you view her as your real mother etc. Ask her to go with you to the meeting etc.
If she see's you acting mature about it she may relent.
Failing that then the National adoption agency will have the same details as your adoptive mother, and they will start the process of getting you reunited without any consent from your adoptive mother.
Please also remember that if you were put up for adoption it may be for a good reason, and your adoptive mother is protecting you for a good reason.
It's such a difficult situation - make sure you have a friend who can support and assist you through it all - it's a long and sometimes hurtful, upsetting journey.
Good luck
2007-11-14 06:42:32 · answer #5 · answered by Haggis B 3 · 1⤊ 5⤋
Yes you have a right to see your birth certificate etc. My daughter was adopted from birth she found me, I'm glad to say, by going to St Catherine house and looking me up in the record's on a computer. Remember you can go to social service's they might help. Try not to force the papers from your mum it might cause her to be more stubborn give her time. Keep nagging, ask her for your original birth certificate and if you get it search from there my daughter found me in 15 weeks total. good luck, hope it all works out for you.
2007-11-14 07:31:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
what state are you in? some states you have no rights as an adoptee...but seeing that you are 18 you can start your own search regardless of where you live..Alabama, Delaware,Maine, new Hampshire, Oregon, Tennessee, Kansas and Alaska are the states that feel you have the right to get your papers..i found my dad and two of my siblings in march of this year after looking for twenty years...my adoption is sealed forever but there are always ways around it if you truly need to know where you came from and who you are and it sounds as though you are at that point..good luck
2007-11-14 06:42:58 · answer #7 · answered by bailie28 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It is your legal right, and since you are old enough to make this decision on your own, it should be only your decision now and not hers. You might see if you can consult a lawyer to find out how you can get those papers since laws vary from state to state. You first might try reasoning with you mom, explaining to her that now that you are more of an adult than ever, that you are capable of handling this information now, and that you wish to do this. Act and talk as an adult to her to help her see that you are mature and serious.
2007-11-14 06:38:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
i could choose for adoption. whether the choose is in want of kin they could be thinking why the kin does not opt for to maintain all 3 toddlers at the same time. maximum judges are in want of not splitting siblings up if in any respect a risk. you're able to desire to tell your lawyer each and every thing. The courts might desire to renowned what those each and every person is fairly like.
2016-09-29 05:52:06 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on the state you live in. And the law,s of that state. Your age is also a facter.At some point in time you have the right to know.Find out what the law is first. You may be able to obtain information from another soarce.
2007-11-14 06:48:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋