What to do about my children's grandparent's?

Question

I'm a 29yr old mother of 3...a 18month/3yrs/5yrs old. Two of the kids are from broken homes, my 3 yr old was from a different marriage when I was in the Army, the father gave up his rights and has never seen his child, the only father/man my son has ever met or been around is my husband now since he was 14 months old. My 5 yr old is alittle different his mother died when he just turned 1yrs old. My husband's parent's took the child the very day the mother died. My husband morned for a long time without talking about it until he met me which was 2 yrs after she died. We married then had our 18 month old....The 5 yr old came to live with us after that, that's when the grandparents started....I watched for two yrs not saying nothing, I started going to a doctor to try to deal with not saying anything to the grandparents....my husband wouldnt do anything because he feels he owns them for taking care of my son for 2 yrs. the things they have done are bad and not so bad...when they take the

when my 3 boys go over to the grandparents home for the weekend they do and have whatever they what but the the 3 yr old gets punished more and yelled at and timed out always! But my 5 yr old never gets yelled at or timed out. My 3 yr old was crying and his grandfather told me when I came to pick them up that he was crying and wouldn't stop so he(GF) started putting a sock into his mouth the he had a weird look and stopped crying! I was so shocked I didnt say anything but only to my mother and husband. I didn't want him going over anymore but my husband talked me into dismissing it and watch to see if anthing else happens. My 3yrold on a different weekend bit off some of a noodle in a pool so The GM timed him out of the pool for an hour while he watched my 5yrold swim in front of him....while the 5yr old confessed he bit the floats 2. We have asked the GM not to let the 5 yrold sleep with her anymore and she lies to me and says he sleeps in his room with his brothers.he tells us she st

still lets him. The Grandparents expect to have the kids every weekend. But really only wanting the 5 yr old. The Grandmother drinks 1-2 bottles of wine everyday. We ask them not to do something either about sweets/foods or sleeping in their own beds like they do at home. but she will lie and she she did. My kids see her lying....when we took the 5yr old to live with us the Grand parents didnt offer any of his clothes or toys they have kept his room just like it was when he left...Its hard everytime the kids come home they are so bad and the my 5yr old is so mean to me...but the longer I keep them from going over they get better and do so good and are so nice.. but my husband still thinks it not that bad. While my doctors say it's NOT Ok.. put me on meds so I dont think its that bad...he does..thing get worse I ask my husband to go and talk to them..he doesnt so i ask him can I send a email to them she says yes...So I did..the next day his father came to the house and got into my face

asked me who was I to send that letter....that he didnt want his wife to see it or she would be upset...I told him the kids wasnt going over anymore that the could come to our house to visit anytime he said bullshit ....lots of thing being said but basically him yelling at me. Guess what my husband didnt say one word while standing there. I went inside and went to the bathroom locking the door crying and took 30 pills of sleeping pills and 30 pill of zanex falling to the ground I hear my husband trying to get in the rest I dont remember until the cop was taking me off..the next day I had to talk to a doctor telling her why i tried to kill myself crying knowing it wasn't the right thing to do...she says to me "you would be letting them when and they would have no mother to protect them..she said my husband needs to support me stand by me...that he/we needs to go to family counseling this just happened last week .....when the doctor let me go my husband was there to pick me up..the kids

wasn't with him...I asked him ..who is the kids with ?...he says my mom and dad. My heart fell again...alittle more about the GP's the grandmother tried to turn my son against his father when we started talking about taking him to live with us...the grandmother also kept my son when he was living with then away from his biomothers mom(the other grandmother) she kept him from her aswell....the GP's ask us if the can just take the 5 yr old on a trip and not the 3 yr old....the list of things go on and on...what am I to do????

Answer 1

I think maybe you need to take your boys and stay with your mom for a little while to sort things out and let your husband grow a back bone! he mourned one wife does he want to mourn another? The GF & GM are exactly just that, they have no say what you do with your kids and are supposed to respect what you say regardless of how they really feel. I'm sorry you had to go through this and maybe this will be a wake up call for your husband. Don't let the kids go if they single your 3 yr old out then they are going to see any of them. They have a favorite so now your 3 yr has to pay for it. Your to young for all this stress.

I could only imagine how you feel I have 2 kids and they have diff dads and I kind of went through this with my 2nd child granparents b/c they were treating my son diff. but b4 my daughter came my son was the certain of attention eventhough it wasn't their grandson...but once i did they changed and they repsected my wishes! You are a grown woman and that is your child if you accepted the 5 yr with open arms no hesitation why in the hell are they treating your baby like this??? I'm getting annoyed myself and have to take a breather...but i feel that your husband needs to point out to them that you and your kids are #1 they have to step back and accept it or be miserable. i wouldn't of even told them they could come see that at my house...nope...then he is in your face hell no!

Stay strong for those kids and leave for a couple of days for your sanity...and the kids maybe are better off seeing their GF & GM once a month during the day no sleep overs they can take it or leave it. Good Luck sweetie and please don't try and take yourself away..imagine that then the boys would be stuck with them all the time!

Answer 2

Your husband needs to thank them for taking care of the 5 yr old, something like...
"Mom, Dad, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking care of *the 5 yr old* when I wasn't emotionally able but now I am, please let me and my wife do the best we can just as your parents did. If we have any problems or questions we'll be sure to come to you."

In my way of thinking, since it's his parents, he should be the one to nip it in the bud and the sooner the better.

Answer 3

Honey, no situation is worth you killing yourself over. Especially when you have children looking to you for protection. It seems to me like your husband is not being a husband or a father and supporting you. If you continue like this, you are putting you child's life in danger. If ANY ONE mistreats my children, they will NEVER see them again. I mean that. They are not worthy of even being called grandparents. That child can not help who his family is. All your children deserve to be treated the same. You will have to stand up as a mother or get out of the situation all together. Stop sending the children there. If not all of them, especially your 3 yr. old. He don't deserve that. I will be praying for you. Before you can help your children, you will HAVE to take care of yourself. Think about this. Who will care for the 3 yr. old if you are dead? Would you want to take a chance on his life like that. Please, Please, Please don't try that again. Pray, Pray, Pray! God Bless.

Answer 4

I understand that your husband feels like he "owes," them. However, who he really owes is his child. He needs to do what is best for the child. If that means standing up to his parents, setting boundaries etc..,, then that is what it means.

It really needs to come from him because as parents, if you are the one that says it, they will just say it is you.

Meanwhile, don't be afraid, if they are rude or do something right in front of you, to say "I don't appreciate that." or "That is not the way we do things here," etc..., Don't get mad or upset. Don't engage in an argument. Just be matter of fact and move on.

Answer 5

Huh?