My son is getting married and he and his future wife do not want to register for any gifts. They have been together for a long time and do truely have everything they need. Instead they would like to set up something called a "money tree." They have said they do not expect the guest to put money in if they don't want to. But registering for things they do not need seen silly to them. I have been informed they do not want to be put in the same situation as my oldest daughter. I was told my oldest registered just to make me happy and to shut me up. Apparently she did not need anything either. And I also found out they had a yard sale and over half the gifts they received were sold because they did not need them. I've been told this money tree is at a lot of weddings. Maybe I'm just to old fashion. My son and daughter inlaw are good people. They never asked for anything not even a dime for the wedding. Should I keep my mouth shut and let them do as they wish?
2007-11-14 05:10:43 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Never heard of a money tree at a wedding, but in this day and age, it seems like a good idea, especially if they have been together for a while and have all the things they need. It is much better for them to get money than 'things' because they can use the money the way they see fit. Let them do what they want, I do not have any suggestions as to how they can tell the guests that there is a money tree, most of the time people give money anyway if there is nothing registered in any stores in your area. Yes, keep your mouth shut and let them do what they want, they will anyway, no matter what you say.
2007-11-14 22:45:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
If I were you, I would let it be. A lot of people on here are telling you to tell them that it is tacky, but I would stay as far away from the word "tacky" as you can when it comes to your kid's wedding. If they want your advice they will ask for it, especially since they are paying for it themselves. My wife and I had everything we could possibly need before our wedding so we just didn't register. In leu of gifts, most people gave us cash or a check in thier cards. People probably won't be that offended about this money tree idea (although I've never seen on), because they won't know it is going to be there until they get there. If they already planned on giving money, they'll have no problem putting it on this tree and if they didn't plan on giving money, they aren't going to whip out thier wallets right there on the spot. I would butt out and back off, even if you were paying, but especially because you aren't. The last thing you want them to remember about their special day is that you called their wedding tacky in ANY way. You want them to remember how amazing it was and how happy they are that you were a part of it. Good Luck and Best Wishes to the Bride and Groom.
2007-11-14 06:49:20 · answer #2 · answered by Taylor B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably should just keep your mouth shut. Like you said, they're paying for the wedding so they should do what they want. Even if you were contributing to the costs, it is still their day and should be whatever they want.
You could offer your opinion just once and let them know that you won't bother them about it again. Let them know that it is tacky (I also think the dollar dance is tacky). There is no rule that they have to register anywhere. Most people give cash at the wedding anyway. Gifts are usually reserved for the bridal shower. At least this is how it is with Jewish weddings. Still, they can always return unwanted gifts.
In the end, remember they are adults and should be able to make their own mistakes.
2007-11-14 07:54:19 · answer #3 · answered by geistswoman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they don't want to register, they shouldn't. If people want to give money they will. If they still want to give a gift, they will do that too. With no registry, you (as the mom) may receive calls asking for gift suggestions. Answer honestly, 'their home is already furnished and they couldn't think of what to put on a registry". Let the giver decide from there if they want to give a gift or cash. Having a money tree is customary in some parts of the country, but in others it's considered tacky. From what you said, it's sound like you live in an area it's considered tacky.
2007-11-14 05:26:27 · answer #4 · answered by J M 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I understand where they are coming from as my husband and I had already been together for 4 years when we got married. We had everything we needed, and didn't have room for more. We weren't going to register anywhere, in the hopes that people would just give us money instead of stuff.
Then we attended a wedding where someone else had thought the same thing. They received so much CRAP it wasn't funny. Since people had no guidance, and a lot of old-fashioned folks just don't like to give money at weddings, they just gave them random stuff - tacky picture frames, generic home-decor items, mismatched kitchen gadgets, and other useless things.
I didn't want this to happen to us, so my husband and I decided to register after all. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that we COULD use a few things - for example, new sheets (plus a spare set), new fluffy towels, MATCHING dinnerware, some new pots and pans to replace the old scratched and burnt ones, etc. We gave our old stuff (that was still in good condition, of course) to charity.
In the end, we felt good about our decision – and of course a wedding isn’t all about gifts anyway. It’s not even worth stressing about.
2007-11-14 05:34:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
As the mother of a groom, I don't know if you can talk them out of anything. However, as the mother of the groom, nobody will think badly of you if they do it. It will be the couple and the bride's parents that are judged by this one. You get off totally innocent.
Sometimes it's hard to see our kids doing things and learning lessons the hard way. But, as mothers we need to back off and stop trying to control things. I agree with you, but try to stop worrying about it. Just float along, enjoying the wedding with no opinions and it will be fine! ;-)
Guess what? Whether or not they have registered, they are going to get gifts. They'll just get stuff they REALLY don't want, which is even funnier! Wonder how many toasters, can openers, towels, and sheets they'll get. Just enjoy the humor in it all. You'll be the only one laughing and that in itself should be "pay back."
2007-11-14 23:22:52 · answer #6 · answered by Woods 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the UK we do not have money trees or money dances, it is just not done. However, it is their wedding and even if you do not agree with what they have chosen to do I would not say anything. People will give gifts even if they have not registered, we didn't register for anything and we got a few gifts (lovely ones actually, things we would not have bought for ourselves like lovely crystal glasses) and if people want to put money on the tree they will, if they don't want to they won't.
2007-11-14 21:09:49 · answer #7 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Weddings aren't about gifts. That being said, I think the money trees and dollar dances are the epitome of tacky. I guess people have a right to be tacky, but it probably won't do you any good to say anything about it at this point anyway. From the way you say they "informed" you about your eldest daughter's wedding, it seems to me they're not willing to listen to you anyway.
Sometimes, the best you can do is know that you know better.
2007-11-14 13:15:22 · answer #8 · answered by Flock of Seagulls Haircut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes mom I'm glad you kinda know your way out of line here, so with that said just sit this one out and let them have there tree I have been to weddings with the money tree , It was a huge success everyone gave money even if it was five dollars . The bride even gave a dollar dance (that's where the guest get in line to dance with the bride even the kids gave her their change to dance.) The money is not how much but such a nice gesture this way you know they have what they truly wanted and that's what gift giving is truly about . Let it be watch at how amazed your gonna be when you see how nice it is.
2007-11-14 07:32:10 · answer #9 · answered by sexyswells42 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Money trees, money dances, money wishing wells etc. are in extremely poor taste.
There is a polite and more tasteful way of doing this. If they don't register anywhere, that will send the guests a subtle hint that monetary gifts are preferred. The info should be spread by word-of-mouth and NEVER on the invitation.
At the gift table, there should be a card holder or basket where the guests place the cards containing the money holders. This is perfectly appropiate and nowadays many more couples are opting out of unneeded registries and tripple toasters and have something much more convenient and needed for a newlywed: cash.
Good luck
2007-11-14 05:43:37 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋