current girlfriend to make threats towards me in front of the kids and he did nothing about it. Now his Aunt wants him to have a relationship with them again by meeting at her place without the girlfriend around. I really don't think I'm ready. What should I do about the hurt that just won't go away?
2007-11-14 04:48:51 · 13 answers · asked by TwinD 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
What idon't understand is that I've never met the girlfriend .The kids would go over there for the weekend. My ex and I never had problems until the present girlfriend came asround other than that our parenting relationship was great. I just wonder why meeting her is an issue. We should be mature adults.
2007-11-14 05:57:16 · update #1
The threat was done over the phone. I"ve tried on numeous occasions to be pleasent with this girl. There seem to be no hope.
2007-11-14 08:26:07 · update #2
It's okay to still be hurt by what has happened between you and your children's father but you should not let that be the reason why he can't have a relationship with his kids. You don't have to forget the things that have happened, but you do need to forgive. You need to have peace in your heart and in your mind. Show your kids that you are a better person. Show them that their Mom is strong.
There are too many kids that grow up without knowing both of their parents. Too many kids looking up to rappers, actors, singers, and athletes when the parents should be their role models.
You have 2 sons...They need to have strong Men in their lives whether it's their real Dad or not; but it should be very important to a boy to have a relationship with his Father.
His mistake was letting his new girlfriend have such a huge influence on him that he would turn his back on his kids...He has to be forgiven by you, your boys, and God for that...Give him the chance to make things right with his boys.
2007-11-14 05:33:15 · answer #1 · answered by ZarahzMA 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to try and move past this for the sake of your children. They are the innocent ones, and have the right to have a relationship with their father if he is good to them. The problem is between your ex, you, and his girlfriend...not the kids.
I would start by taking the aunt up on her offer to let your ex meet with the kids at her place. It's neutral territory and she can play mediator.
I would, however, make it clear to your ex that the girlfriend cannot be around the kids until she has proven that she's dealt with her anger issues. It's inappropriate for her to threaten you especially in front of the kids. She doesn't have to like you, but she needs to realize you are the mother of these kids and will always be involved in your ex's life because of that. If she can't handle that, she needs to find a man without kids. She doesn't have to be your friend, just be civil. It's all about what's best for the kids.
Good luck.
2007-11-14 13:49:32 · answer #2 · answered by Nonny0928 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you have to forgive. You have the right not to be disrespected. One question. Is this the aunts doing or the father. I feel that the father has to be a man and handle his business. Even if you are not together, he should have some respect for you. If he allowed the girlfriend to do that to you and they were there, what else are they being taught. You be the parent. If he can't be a man and stop that, he don't deserve to have the children alone. I would have supervised visitation with him and him alone. God Bless
2007-11-14 14:51:06 · answer #3 · answered by Angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is the problem he is whipped over this one so no matter what you say or do until he is finished with her your gonna have problems. Tell the aunt thanks but know thanks you have nothing to do with him or her it's about the kids if he wants to visit you have know problem bring them to the aunt so he can see them but as far as your concerned the talk was over the day he let her disrespect you in front of your kids(even if they where not there he should not have allowed it) This way he knows that It's not about you wanting him or anything like that it's about the disrespect that has accrued. But it's not about you either so let the kids not you the kids go to the aunties house to see there dad. Let auntie know that this is gonna be the only meeting place he can see the kids anytime . But he can't take the kids or bring them around this current girlfriend.
2007-11-14 14:41:24 · answer #4 · answered by sexyswells42 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohhhh, so because you and his girlfriend are to immature to be civil with each other in front of the kids, you have to hurt the kids by not letting them develop a natural relationship with their father. Because your feelings are hurt, you want to stunt the emotional growth of your children to get back at your ex. Way to go mom....great parenting there.
1. He cannot control his girlfriend's behavior, only she can do that.
2. You cannot control his or her behavior, only yours.
3. The kids don't understand the situation, only that mommy and daddy fight all the time and if you let it continue they will grow up thinking that is a normal relationship. If you have boys they will grow up thinking daddys are supposed to leave and not see the kids, and that is how they will treat their own kids.
4. Go to the attorney general's office, set up regular visitation and child support papers, get a judge to sign off on them, and then follow them to the letter of the law.
5. It's not about you being ready. The kids deserve to know their father and you should not be present. Obviously, you just get in the way because you're taking your "hurt" out on the kids.
2007-11-14 12:57:04 · answer #5 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Every first step you take on any circumstances is hard to do but you have to also think about the kids and how much they need there dad in their lives. I know it will be hard for you but you being there will also give you a chance to talk to the father seriously and let him know how you feel and how things should be done for the love of your kids. I really hopes this help, good luck with everything
2007-11-14 13:29:39 · answer #6 · answered by Adina B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try meeting him at the aunts house. while hes there have a talk with him.. let him know that the kids need him as a father and he shouldnt let another female get in the way of that..plus if the new girlfriend was a real woman she would push him to spend time with his kids without making any problems...
2007-11-14 13:05:26 · answer #7 · answered by me2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bottom line, no matter what your own personal problems with your ex or his girl friend is, is what is best for the children.
If he is/was a good father and good towards the children and you feel that seeing their father would be good for the children, then you should let them go.
You don't have to take them yourself. You can have a friend or family member take them and pick them up so you don't even have to see or speak to their father.
You can also select a public place like McDonald's to meet and drop off and pick up the boys. I would suggest that you have someone with you like a friend or family member as well.
Good Luck!
2007-11-14 13:04:32 · answer #8 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Huh? She threatened you but you've never met? How, exactly, was that?
You are punishing your kids, and that's wrong.
I don't know what you expected him to do, but your resentment should be toward her (assuming she did, in some way threaten you).
Since she won't be there when the children see their father, there's no harm to them. Preventing them from having any contact with their father is wrong.
Eventually, it's YOU they will resent for preventing them from having a father in their lives.
2007-11-14 15:52:39 · answer #9 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not ready??? It is not about you - It is about the kids!!! He should have every right to see them!
The fact that his girlfriend is misbehaving is something you and him (and maybe her) need to work out, but that has nothing to do with his realtionship with his kids!
2007-11-14 12:53:57 · answer #10 · answered by Me 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋