My family's all feuding-- it's all due to my parents' divorce & everyone on my mom's side hates my dad's side, & vice versa. anyhow, my brother & I were pretty much stuck in the middle, and my mom's side did a lot of things to try & force us to pick a [their] "side" (I was renting from my grandma & she kicked me out for talking to my dad; same grandma showered gifts on our cousins for their b-days/x-mas, but just gave us cards with 'double meaning' messages in side; our mom told us repeatedly that by talking to our dad we were encouraging him to screw her over, and pulled huge guilt trips on us if she ever found out we saw him, and called us liars if we didn't tell her ALL about the visits before she found out; that sort of thing)... also there were blogs made by my moms' friends (that I’ve never met) that were bad mouthing my dad, his family, & me & my brother (and our relationships)—well, my brother commented & told the person to mind their own business…
after reading it, my mom raged on my bro REALLY bad (at his house, in front of his 3 yr old) so he told her to leave or he'd call the cops. So now they don’t talk to each other anymore, and my 3 yr old nephew is scared of my mom. She denies he was even there & bad mouths my brother (whom I’m very close with)…
I don’t know how to deal with all the bad mouthing that I *KNOW* will occur during the holidays.... but if I don’t show up, I’ll never hear the end of it!!
What should I do?
2007-11-14 04:43:22 · 6 answers · asked by Ember Halo 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
[sorry, ignore the *would* in the main Q!]
2007-11-14 04:46:00 · update #1
they've been divorced just over a year, but the divorce itself lasted 3 yrs.
my parents have never had a good relationship (they were swingers, fought a lot, never got along it seemed)... my dad ended up having a full blown affair, and my mom isn't one to do anything but use the past against someone (she wanted him to stay & be punished for the rest of their lives)... i was angry at my dad & didn't talk to him for 3 months when i found out.
my mom wanted to take him for everything he had, but her mom is well off (estate worth a few million) and she gets a 'living will' from her mom (the grandma that kicked me out)-- my dad didn't have to pay her as much alimony (and gets to keep his retirement) because of that & so he "screwed her over".... (she got the house)
2007-11-14 05:11:37 · update #2
my dad has relatives, and most of them are respectful around us, usually don't make any comments about my mom & her family (they ask how she's doing often, that's it). my mom's family is constantly bashing my dad & his family, and now my brother :(
it's really the bad mouthing of my brother that gets to me the most...
(and the utter lack of accountability & glaring hipocrasy & self-righteousness that my mom's side of the famliy all have... but that's a whole other can of worms...)
2007-11-14 05:14:09 · update #3
May I suggest spending Thanksgiving with just your husband, your brother, and your brother's family? Tell your Mother and Grandmother that they are creating too much stress in your life trying to pitt you against your father, and that it is wrong.
You're pregnant and about to have a baby. You and your husband are establishing your own family right now, and need to have positive influences in your life.
It sounds like your Grandmother uses her millions as a carrot on a stick. Send her and your Mother a very nice Thanksgiving and/or Christmas card and tell them that you love them very much, but that you will sit the Thanksgiving holiday out since your pregnancy requires you to take it easy. They should understand that, being mothers.
If they don't chill out a little for Christmas, then tell them that THEY leave you no choice but to spend it with whomever gives you the least amount of stress, whether it's with your father's family, your brother and his, or with your best friends.
Hugs.
2007-11-14 07:36:01 · answer #1 · answered by Rainbow 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sound like your family is just really crazy right now. Most of all it sounds like it hasn't been fair to you.
This year, I'd just take a break. Maybe you and your brother and his family can do your own little holiday together.
I know it is hard but you have to tell your Mom how you feel about her actions and let her know that you refuse to be put in the middle any more. If that means not being around your mom as much or not at all for a while, then that is what it means.
2007-11-14 05:11:46 · answer #2 · answered by wondermom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think anyone is going to be happy. I think your mom should understand that you have loyalty to your dad. It's human nature. There will always be problems with family. It depends on how you handle it.
You never mentioned what your dad did that made them have a divorce. it would help to know and then I could try to give you a better answer. I don't think there is an easy answer. Your mom is hurt and her relatives will take her side. Your dad apparently has no relatives to help him so I guess it's harder to side with him.
How long has your parent's been divorced? This would also have something to do with your question. You have to try to divide yourself and try to be an "adult" and figure what is the best solution for you.
Remember it's your life. What you do with it depends on you. You have to live with your decisions. Your parents should understand that you have your own opinions and that you will try not to side with either of them without some loyalty to both of them.
2007-11-14 04:56:49 · answer #3 · answered by fran c 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
im so sorry. i dont even know what to say to help you. but i am in the same situation except i dont live on my own.im 18 i have no car no job no money and i live alone with my dad thats making me suffer a nervous breakdown. everytime he is around i get real bad panic attacks. and i cant even do anything about that b/c he stole my anxiety pills. just read my question and i bet you can relate to me. i get all the bad mouthing from both sides of my family. but only my mom my sister and my moms side try to help. my dad and his side make it worse and try to make me choose. i am having an attack right now.
2007-11-14 04:53:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If it were me I'd tell them straight up that regardless of what is going on with my parents they are *both* my parents whom I love dearly and even though the divorce is very hard for all involved it would be so much easier if everyone kept their comments to themselves.
If anything is said then I'd let them know that it looked as if Christmas would be spent elsewhere and tell then exactly why.
Keep your chin up, it'll get easier.
2007-11-14 05:23:07 · answer #5 · answered by justceleste 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow I feel for you. Maybe at some point you will need to just back away from your family until they all grow up and get over it.
2007-11-14 04:51:09 · answer #6 · answered by ziggy_brat 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋