My husband and I went to his cousin's wedding and now she won't speak to us.?

Question

I have known my husband & his family for 16 years . I was close to one of his girl cousin . We were invited to her wedding and we gave her $100.00 that was all we could afford . I had just had my twins and money was tight . Ever since then she doesn't call & when my husband calls she doesnt pick up the phone. Could it have been the money ? I became pregnant and she didn't even call and now she is pregnant . My husband wants nothing to do with her . Should I call her even if she hasn't seen my now 14 month old child ?

Answer 1

$100 is very generous. Did you receive a thank you card? If not, there's a chance the card and money were stolen, and they think you didn't give them anything.

Either way, call and leave a message saying you're feeling as though you may have offended, and you don't know why, but you'd love to hear back from them.

Answer 2

There is no right or wrong answer to, "Should I call her?". If you want to call, do it. Clearly, you are bothered by the fact that you had a close relationship with your husband's cousin and now do not. In addition, you have questions as to why she has been unavailable to you.

You did not indicate whether you had tried to contact her in the past 14 months. If you have, and she has not responded, maybe it's not worth pursuing. On the other hand, if you have not made any effort to be in touch with her since her wedding day, she may be wondering where you have been and why you have not called.

Perhaps she has been unavailable because she has a husband where she did not before when you were close. Maybe she has been juggling more commitments than she can manage well since getting married. There may be many people expecting attention, for example, her family, his family, hubbie, work etc., and she can not divide her time in a way to please everyone. Since there is a rift between you, she may not be interested in accommodating you and your needs when she might not know why you have been unavailable to her.

Life is too short to not make the effort to mend relationships with those about whom you care. Does it matter who approaches whom first if the end result is resumption of a relationship that was very satisfying and that you seem to miss. Clearly, it is better to seek clarification about how you and she became distant from the cousin herself rather than trying to "read her mind" from a distance and assume the rift is because of a wedding gift. You may find she has had the same questions about what happened to your relationship and had also been reluctant to get in touch with you.

Good luck!

Answer 3

First off, $100 is a very generous gift from you, especially since you were financially strapped at the time. I know if I couldn't have afforded it, then I certainly wouldn't have done it.

If she's upset because she thinks you guys didn't "give" enough, then she's spoiled rotten, selfish, and probably won't have a long, happy marriage. I'm with your husband, the ball's in her court. You've made attempts to contact her, she won't return the contact. I wouldn't call her, I doubt she'll pick up the phone.

Edit: If you gave them a check (which I would always do) there's a very easy way to tell if they actually got it. Go back and check to see if the check cleared. If it did, then they got the $$. That's why if I do give $$, I always give them a personal check, rather than a gift card or cash. There's no way I can trace those.

Answer 4

I highly doubt this is about only giving $100. Even if it was, things like that pass and people forget.

Did anything else happen at the wedding? Did you leave early or show up late? Did your cell phone go off in the ceremony? Did you bring your new twins to the ceremony/reception and did they become bothersome?

Recall anything that happened that day, that could have caused her to become angry. Ask a trusted relative to find out what really happened.

I highly doubt you would have a 1.5 year feud over only giving a $100.

Answer 5

I can't see someone being mad for getting $100.00. I agree that it either could have been stolen or she's upset about something else. If she's mad at you because of your wedding gift, I say forget it, she's not worth it. That's a stupid reason to be upset. As for resolving the issue, if she's not answering her phone, maybe you could email or send her a letter. Make sure to ask how she and inquire about her health and pregnancy. I would also include pictures of your children. If she still doesn't respond, I would feel good about myself for trying and move on. She's not worth it and you have your own family to worry about.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

$100 is generous, especially when you had just had children, they should be grateful for whatever you gave them, even if it was nothing more than a card! I would have his mother talk to the cousin and find out what their issue is, say that you want the family to be united and for the children to be able to play together and if you have done something to offend her could she please be adult enough to discuss it with you and give you the chance to make peace with her. I honestly do not understand why they would be offended at that gift, one of my aunts gave us £5 (about $10) at my wedding and it was as gratefully received as any other gift that we were given, it is the thought that counts rather than the value.

Answer 7

I would call her and ask her what's the deal if it is the money then just follow your hubby and let her be that's very tacky if she is mad over how much you gave her. People like that need to be left by themselves. 100 dollars is a very good gift 50 per plate. You just had twins oh come on how tacky of her I would not loose any sleep over the nonsense.

Answer 8

Sneak over to their house under the cover of darkness and using wire cutters, clip the little wire seal on their electric meter. Next, after several weeks, from a pay phone, call the electric company posing as a concerned, anonymous neighbor, and report that you have seem them monkeying around with the meter and hooking up some kind of jumper thingy. Mention that they like to brag about how low their electric bill is.

Answer 9

wow.. i am in almost the same situation with one of my cousins.. but nothing to do with money though.. we used to be super close.. he even introduced me to my fiance.. now he doesnt answer when i call, when they had their first baby, i was at the hospital every day till she came home.. now they had their second baby, and i have a son now so i couldnt make it to the hospital but when they got home i called every day to see if i could come over and no one ever picks up.. so i stopped by the other day cuz i really wanted to see the baby.. i really want my son to grow up with their baby like i grew up with him.. i mean he acts totally normal and friendly when we're at family functions.. i just dont get it.. i can tell hes upset about something but i just dont know what.. i have decided to just let it go.. it is his loss.. his daughters dont have any other cousins and it really is ashame.. however my son has many cousins on my fiances side that he is very close to so i will just let this go and not stress about it anymore..

Answer 10

Why does everyone immeditately jump to worst case scenerio? God forbid she's busy and hasnt had a chance to return calls yet. God forbid, maybe they took their honeymoon late and arent even in the country. God forbid, shes tryin to set up a house hold, rock the job, and deal with being pregnant. I say leave a message, tell her you were just checking on her with the baby, and the marriage and all. When she gets a chance she should call you back. And leave it alone!

I have cousins i havent talked to in several months, it doenst mean i dont like them or am not close to them, i'm just a busy girl! if she doenst want to talk to you, than she doenst want to talk to you. Its nothing to lose sleep over. Patience is power!