My mother knows this Flower lady and likes her work and my fiance likes and seen her work and wants to go with the same flower lady. Well today my fiance called me and asked if I could get ahold of the flower lady for an appointment on Saturday.
I said no problem.
Well I called my mom to get her phone number and my mom sounded like she wanted to call the flower lady so I said okay let me know the time on when the appointment is so I can tell my fiance. About 30 mins went by and my fiance called and asked if I called yet. I told her my mom wanted to call so I let her do it. To rap up the story my fiance thinks I passed the duty on so I didnt have to do it. I want to be involved with planning but if I get into trouble everytime, I dont want to do any planning anymore. Do I put my foot down or just apolige? What would you do if you where me?
2007-11-14 03:44:57 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I really think your fiance is overreacting. But to show that you still want to be involved in the planning, offer to help out with another aspect. Or be very involved in the florist meeting. Point out flowers you like. Offer to run her errands or help with the guest list. Don't become her slave, but show her you want to help her and you aren't passing duties on to your mother.
2007-11-14 03:52:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
You fiance is wrong. You were handling it. It is not your fault that you mum wanted to call, and since she is the one who knows the florist it is aceptable.
If Saturday is days off why does your fiance need to know within half an hour? Your fiance is being unreasonable. You didn't pass the responsibility on, you delegated and handled it your own way.
However if this is an actual problem for you then you must be a push over. Do not appologise as you have done nothing wrong, you fiances way of doing things isn't right, it's just different.
Tell your fiance you are going to help plan this wedding and if they get on your back about it maybe you are with the wrong person, they should not make you feel worthless and like you opionion doesn't count ie it won't get better when you are married.
2007-11-14 20:10:44 · answer #2 · answered by Stiffler 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
This is an exciting and stressful time for both of you. Your future wife just wants you be excited as she is, and the effort she sees you put into the planning she assumes is the same amount of effort you're going to put into your marriage.
Just apologize and tell her that she won't see a more attentive and eager groom-to-be at the appointment on Saturday. You might also want to mention how happy you are to be getting married, how proud you are of the planning she's already done, and the fact that you want to be involved but you don't want to be reprimanded all the time (try to phrase that more politely than i have).
Then just leave it at that, because to be honest you didn't do anything that bad.
2007-11-14 11:55:35 · answer #3 · answered by miss_nikki 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah you really should get your own vendors numbers and take a little bit of planning on your own. After all you are an adult. How do you handle making doctors appts and dentists appts? Don't pass the buck on to your mom. You told your fiancee you'd make the appointment and you lied to her so she has the right to be a little upset with you.
Did you pass it on so that you wouldn't have to be involved in planning your own wedding? If so, figure out why you don't want any part in your own wedding. It's rather odd. What would I do if I were you? I'd figure out what exactly my motive is for not planning my own wedding.
But you did lie to her and you did pass the buck on to your mom, so this is no time for you to put your foot down. This is the time your fiancee is right and you apologize.
2007-11-14 11:56:06 · answer #4 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Just bow out of the planning now - she is only going to get crazier from here on out. Sounds like you have a bridezilla on your hands. She asked for an appt, and you got her one - just not in the manner that she would have done. Tell her if you don't like the way I handled the planning then do it yourself. But let her know she also doesn't get to complain about you not helping. She can't have it both ways. I don't see how you did anything wrong. I'd put my foot down and take a stand. Let her know that she is being ridiculous. Plus if she is going to be this much of a control freak you may have more serious problems other than who called the florist.
2007-11-14 13:51:33 · answer #5 · answered by JM 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
well i am trying to put myself in her shoes.. i want my fiance to WANT to be involved.. which he is.. well if hes not, then hes doing a pretty dam good job of faking lol.. but anyway, if my fiance said that to me than i would believe him because his other actions show that he actually WANTS to be involved and hes not just doing it because i want him to.. so she must be getting the feeling somehow that you do not actually WANT to be involved and that you are just doing it because thats what she wants you to do.. think about your true feelings about being involved with the planning and if you honestly WANT to be involved then dont apologize.. but if you are like most guys and dont really care either way what the flowers look like.. and what the cake looks like... and what the color scheme is etc... then talk to her and tell her that you honestly were not just passing the duty on to someone else.. tell her that you just want the wedding to be exactly how SHE wants it because you know how important it is to her and that it feels like by you getting in the way, it might be hindering that from happening.. but you will be as involved as she wants you to be.. and just from now on, go out of your way to call people for the wedding.. and put your input in as much as possible..
2007-11-14 11:59:20 · answer #6 · answered by Tiff Tiff 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I do not want to sound harsh, but I am just going to give you a very honest opinion. I think the real issue is your fiance is annoyed that you went to your mom and let her take care of it. She wants to be the woman in your life now, and you are still acting like a child (letting your mom take care of you). If you went to her and told her you just realized that you weren't acting like a man who is about to become a husband, I bet you would smooth things over really fast. Let her know that you are going to put her before your mom from now on. Next time your mom offers to take care of something for you, politely decline.
When I was first married, I made the mistake of letting my dad fix my car. I didn't see that I was still acting like "Daddy's little girl." My husband got really upset because he was suppose to be the man of the house. I learned a very important lesson that day. Now, I make sure that I turn to him for those kind of things. He feels respected and admired, and our relationship is wonderful now!
P.S. Do not bring your mom into this argument or you will get yourself into hotter water....
2007-11-14 12:22:19 · answer #7 · answered by *Honk Honk* 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I'm sorry but I just think arguments like this are a waste of time and energy, did you get the appointment or not, regardless of who made the call? I just don't have time for such small issues, so you didn't make the call yourself, but really, so what? Did anyone die coz you didn't make the call? No....so just tell her the appointment is made, call and confirm the appointment yourself if you must, but really, she should grow up!
2007-11-15 05:32:45 · answer #8 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Oh man, you are TOTALLY in the wrong on this one.
Apoligize to her and NEVER do anything like this again. If she allows you in to the planning and you say you are going to do it, just do it regardless of whether your mother says she'd like to do it for you or not. Let me let you in on a secret, the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-law relationship is a very shaky one, by you allowing your mother to do this has sounded the alarm in your finace's head. #1 it probably royally pissed her off that your mother decided that she would do this because it may seem to her (your fiance) that your mother is trying to take over and #2 you have now allowed your Mommy to do your task for you showing that you are not at all capable of taking care of yourself and you need your Mommy to hold your hand and wipe your butt for you which is terrifying because up until that alarm sounded she had thought she was marrying an independant and self-sufficiant MAN.
Whether or not you intended this and no matter how ridiculous you think it sounds, I guarantee you this is exactly what your fiance is thinking now. Most of us have been through it before and that alarm has sounded in our heads at least once.
Let this be a lesson learned for you, dont do this type of thing again.
2007-11-14 12:07:17 · answer #9 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 4⤊ 3⤋
Well your fiance IS right, you didn't persist on getting the flower lady's phone number, so you DID pass the buck to your mom.
Apologize to your fiance, and state that your mother INSISTED on calling the flower lady herself to make an appointment. Then call up your mom and be persistent with getting the flower lady's phone number (or go to yellowpages online or google the flower lady's name).
2007-11-14 11:50:27 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 6⤊ 4⤋