Did your birthparents attend your wedding?

Question

I haven't found them yet, but I have paid for the service. I am hoping that I can find them before I get married. My adoptive parents made it clear that they will not attend my wedding and I do not want to deal with the awkwardness of one set of parents not being there.

Answer 1

Good luck with your search. I hope the parents that raised you will come around and realize that you need their support. If both sets are not able to attend (whether it's bc they can't be reached or bc they don't support your relationship), life goes on. I had my best friend walk me down the aisle. It meant a lot to me.

Answer 2

Do you really think opening a potential can of worms at this special time is really appropriate? Emotionally a wedding is stressful enough, especially if you don't have your parents support. What makes you think that a set of strangers who happen to be related by blood will be any happier to be invited. I was adopted and I have thought long and hard about it all and to be honest if there was a reason for needing to give me up then, there is a good chance that they have moved on and don't really need that connection now. Think of your new life a head concentrate on yourself and your new partner. If you still feel the need to make that connection wait until afterwards when you have the time to deal with that emotional roller coaster ride. Remember that it is possible that your birth parents haven't told anyone about you, they have the right to their privacy and maybe will not be able to connect to you.

What ever choice you make, make sure it is for the right reasons, and that you have your special day with as much love as possible and without too much stress.

Good luck.x.

Answer 3

When is your wedding? Will you have enough time to form a relationship with them prior to the wedding? If the first time they have contact with you is the wedding invite--you have to realize that they do not know your name and won't recognize it. Plus that is not a time to have a first meeting, with a hundred people watching you.

A good friend of mine paid for the service and she found her birth parents. It gave her a lot of closure that she'd been lacking. They are now friends; she has about 8 siblings all older. Some of them have children in high school now. She is now talking about moving down to Georgia to be closer to her birth family. They will definitely be at her wedding.

But that doesn't make the relationship with your real parents who raised you any less special. They actually know what the wedding is about. Hopefully you'll have enough time to get to know your birth family a little before the wedding--otherwise I do not think it would be right to invite them. After all, you'd be inviting total strangers, asking them to travel for an event they don't know anything about, and possibly risking being permanently hurt if they don't come. Especially if you are only inviting them so that you aren't lacking one set of parents.

Keep searching for your birth parents. That is very important to many adoptive kids. But don't allow the search to alienate your real parents.

Answer 4

I commend you for thinking of your birth parents. However, as a birth mother, I would feel awkward to attend the wedding of a child I had not seen or kept in contact with since birth.I think it would be the least awkward to accept that neither set will be there and focus on the life you are making for yourself.

Answer 5

Oh Babes in a way that's very sad, after-all they are your parents......BUT if you want your birth parents there then Ican understand where they are coming from......REMEMBER HUN YOU have there who you want...it is YOUR DAY XX

My 1st wedding a total false disaster......I've never known my real Dad, so there was a lot of confusion for me......My 2nd wedding I didn't invite any family except my 2 sons and my husbands 3 sons and it was the perfect most fun day ever....mind you 2yrs on my mum has only just taken note of some pics of my special day that are framed around the house.

Families eh!!!!!! Good Luck Babe and hope you have a very special day and happy future xX

Answer 6

I'm not sure my answer is to your question, but I can tell you that I'm an adoptive mother. If my child, now ten, wants to contact his birth parents, I have no problem at all with it. We've talked about taking a summer to look for them in a couple of years. If he wants them at his wedding, I'm all for it. A child needs more advocates in his life, not fewer. If the adults keep in mind that love isn't a bottle that runs dry when it's shared, but a magic well that always has more, no matter how much is shared, they can open their hearts to other adults.

The woman who gave my son up is in my heart every time I see his smile. It is beautiful, and she must have been, too. I owe her a debt that goes beyond who sits up front at the wedding.

I know her circumstances, but I do not know her. If I didn't know her situation, I might fear the effects she might bring into my family of problems related to alcohol, drugs, physical or mental abuse, and I might be less open.

Good luck, dear. If it isn't too late, please reassure your adoptive parents that you have room in your heart for different types of love. Wanting a relationship with a birth family in no way diminishes your gratitude, love, or respect for them.

Answer 7

Good for you!! Keep looking and I hope you find them. I just found mine and Its the best thing ever!!! Good luck to you. If your adoptive parents dont want to come to your wedding there being awfully closed minded. I hope they come around.

Answer 8

Why not focus on the people who raised you. You would rather have your birthparents who gave you up for some unknown reason than the people who cared for you when you were sick and taught you how to ride a bike?

You have your priorities wrong.

Answer 9

Your adoptive parents won't go? Wow that's harsh! My birth parents both attended.

Answer 10

Yes