Raising children and religion?

Question

Recently my boyfriend who was raised Catholic, but doens't believe in the Catholic Church any longer and I ( have been discussing how we would like to raise our children.
At first I felt that since I was only around the church until 2nd grade that I turned out ok and didn't believe it was necessary. He feels tha some kind of religion is good to have.
I have a strong background in biology and have been pulled more to believe that evolution is to thanks for the world we live in. I wouldn't say that I am atheist, I just don't know what to think when it comes to religion. I am interested in learning more and have been looking into what other people believe.
So without starting a debate or making anyone want to throw holy water on me, we are trying to figure out how to raise our kids to think for themselves and NOT force one religion on them. We want them to decide what path in life to follow.
What are you thoughts on this and what would you do?

REMEMBER IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY-KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT!!!

For those who ask questions as if you are judging me in asking this: We are getting married w/in the year and he already has a 7 year old who is going through the catholic church because that is what her mother choose for her. We were discussing it because life isn't doesn't go as you plan it. We were thinking about all things that can come up after getting married, and we want to be ready for it. His mother is a very strong catholic and we wanted to be ready when she asks AGAIN how we will raise our kids. She wants to know they will have some kind of faith-

Any my not going to church currently shouldn't matter since i am doing research on different ones now! I wasn't asking for you to tell me what to do!

Answer 1

In my opinion (and this is what I plan to do) just provide your children with a strong moral foundation. Teach them about right and wrong, about the world we live in and how we have to live in this present moment and learn to think for ourselves. Religion is overrated. Kids just need to have parents in their lives. Eventually children will learn to ask questions at which point you can answer only as honestly as you can based on what you know. Encourage your children to do their own research. Do some of your own in the meantime. Religion should never be forced on anyone, everyone it entitled to choose for themselves.
Personally, I was born/raised Catholic/Christian, as I child I never really understood what going to church and praying and all that stuff really meant, as I got older and started thinking for myself something was stirred within me and I started on my road to research. Starting with the Christian faith, when that didn't agree with me, I began researching Wicca (I had seen an article about it in a magazine and that was enough to pique my interest) from there I slowly started reading about Buddhism - I've been reading/researching Buddhism for 2 years now and I am very happy with it. It's what works best for me. The point I'm trying to make here, is how important it is that each person discover for themselves what rings most true to them. You should never just take what is handed to you from the beginning. Life is after all a growing/learning experience.

I don't get the thumbs down - who didn't like my answer? Close mindedness never got anyone anywhere.
Besides, what is truth? A perspective? An idea? Or something you find within yourself?

Answer 2

Raising a child within a particular religious framework is not close-minded. A six year old is not going to understand the nuances of religious choice. Six year olds believe everything their parents say, so if you're actively teaching multiple faiths he's likely to become very confused. I was raised in a very open-minded but also very Christian family. Christianity was taught as the truth, but I was also taught to respect other people's choices and beliefs (even though my family holds those beliefs to be wrong.) Guess what? This in no way hampered my ability to form independent religious opinions, and I've been Wiccan for the past 14 years.

Answer 3

Hmm. It's a tough question, but a good one. Ultimately, a person will choose either way. Your boyfriend was raised Catholic but chose not to be a part of it anymore...example A.

There are positive and negative aspects of organized religion. Community is an important part of family life, and religion is a natural part of that process. If you don't want to raise your kids with one faith, you could always expose them to many. I don't know if this is confusing though. I personally wasn't raised that way. (I was raised in Reform Judaism...and exposed to many other faiths and point of views through discussion and family friends).

If raising a child in a structural setting is important to you both, you could test out together what feels right to both of you. That is the most important thing, that both of you are comfortable with the answers your kids will have about the world. I have friends that are in a similar faith situation to you both and are part of a unitarian church community. They seem to be happy.

The other option is to do nothing at all, remembering that nothing is something:) too.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

Children need guidence. Without it, they cannot make informed choices. You will get arguements for and against churches. You and the boyfriend need to come to terms with this before you have kids and/or get married because it is an issue that could destroy a marriage. Whatever you decide, it should be mutual! This is not a place to get true research. Look into different religions by what they stand for in writing, not what people on here tell you. Then, make your decision. Always know that you can make mistakes and be willing to change, mutually, on any decisions made now.

Answer 5

Try a Unitarian Universalist Church. They absorb everything they see as positive in spirituality, and it can help open doors for you.
But I am a little confused at why you feel your scientific understanding of the world has to conflict with your spiritual understanding of the world. It IS possible to enjoy the best of both worlds.
The one thing you will struggle to attain as a mother is culture and tradition. That is why I feel so at home as an Asatruar, it is more about culture and tradition then even the Gods. I'm sorry, the Christians took that from you hundreds of years ago and you can never have it back. The best you can do is build new culture and traditions for your children based on your life now. Good luck.

Answer 6

That's how I raise my kids. Young kids are far too young to really understand religion anyways, so there is no need to make them learn it. When they start asking questions or showing interest, then use that time to discuss their ideas, thoughts, fears, etc... and that is it. That doesn't mean you tell them, believe in this and that will make it all better..... That means, you discuss their thoughts, not yours and when the time is right you can add some details about the religious and non-religious ideas that exist in our world. I agree that it is best to let them decide on their own what to believe, but by forcing them to go to church, that is not "letting" them believe what they want to believe.

Answer 7

You don't go to church, and yet you're trying to figure out how to raise your as yet un-conceived child?

It's good you're planning ahead, but you may be waayyy too far ahead.

Since you're interested in learning more, actually visit some churches. It's a lot easier now, than seven years from now with a toddler in tow.

I'd encourage you to visit a United Church of Christ church (that's where Barrack Obama is a member) or a Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) - where I am a pastor - or a Baptist Church that's in the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship.

You'd be surprised how many biology majors there are in Churches who understand evolution and the New Testament.

After you have a better understanding of faith, it may make it easy for you to help your children have a better understanding of faith.

Godspeed you on your journey.

Answer 8

I think that maybe you two should come to a decision together as far as raising your children with religion in their lives but once they are old enough to make their own decisions let them. Don't force it on them all but so much because they may dislike it. Try to accept whatever decision they make once they become that age they can make their own decisions. I would take them and try to explain things to them but don't force the issue while they are younger. Introduce it in a fun way. Cartoonish bible books with songs and dvd's.

Answer 9

Teach your children the truth.

If you never teach them any religion at all, they will naturally decide that no religion is true and that there is no God.

If you do teach them a religion and why you believe it is true, they will grow up understanding that religion and are more likely to follow it. It's not a given - many children reject anything their parents believe out of hand as a sort of "rite of passage" phase when they are growing up, but I find that most of those kids were never taught the WHYS of their parents' faith, only the "whats" and the "hows."

Answer 10

I can come to you and honestly say that for 18 years of my life I hated going to church (Roman Catholic) I hated everything about church and had major doubts and questions that no one wanted to answer for me. HOWEVER, I took a 'sabbatical' from church for 4 years and during that time I asked a lot of questions. For me the issues was religion NOT God really. The best you can do for your children is introduce them to God and the Bible and teach them all that you can about Him and what He did for us. If your child/children choose not to continue it then let them go. DO NOT FORCE GOD ON YOUR CHILD/CHILDREN, they will turn away from Him because of the relationship they have with you.