How do people decide what side of the family, they're going to go to for the holidays?

Question

I swear that this decision, makes the holidays seem even more stressful than the lack of money and poor economy.

Answer 1

when we decide we go to one parents house on thanksgiving and then go to the spouses parents house the next thanksgiving and we go to spouse parents house on christmas day and i have something here for everyone on christmas eve... U compromise and switch up parents each and every year... keeps down on the stress and if they get bent out of shape see if u can invite them to your dinner at your parents house to keep the peace...

Answer 2

This is a toughie - we don't have this problem in our family, because we live too far from my parents and close enough to my hubby's. But being stretched too thin at the holidays is a real joy-sucker.

When we first moved to the state we live in now, we were doing ALL the visiting. Down to Grandma's at Thanksgiving, again for the family gathering, and again for Christmas. THREE times we drove 250 miles each way in six weeks - this made for a very stressful holiday season.

Until we decided to take the holidays back. Sort of Rambo-style. This is something you must do. I am going to assume that you are married and have a child or two. This is your family. You need to create some family traditions of your own and to do that, you will need some time and some sanity.

What we decided in our family is that Thanksgiving was for family, and Christmas was for us. So, we often still visit family or have them come here for Thanksgiving, but for the most part our Christmases are spent in our home, without visitors. When we informed our family of this decision, we really expected there to be some hoopla, but there wasn't. In fact, they said "Yeah, that kind of makes sense". But not everyone's family is sane.

So, sit down with your husband, and make some decisions about what you want the holidays to be like within your family unit. You could do Thanksgiving with one side of the family, and Christmas with the other, and change up next year. You could host EVERYONE at your house for one holiday, and save the other holiday to be home with yourselves. There are lots of things you could do. But you need to make the decisions in an atmosphere absent of the pressures your families are putting on you. And then you need to find the strength to back them up.

So, figure out what you want the holidays to be for your family, and make that happen. Then, let your families know what your boundaries are, and give them a little while to learn to respect them.

I have included a link to the Holiday Control Journal, which is a slightly different subject, but it sounds like you could use it anyway. It is just a list of holiday preparations broken up into small, manageable bits, so that the holidays are less stressful. Being prepared can make such a difference! And, it is built for people who are just like me! Born Flabbergasted.

http://www.flylady.net/pages/holidaycruising1.asp

HAPPY holidays!

Answer 3

For some people there's not much of a choice, it's a matter of practicality. Which side of the family is the closest to where you live or which side do you get along with the best? For my family, we spent Christmas Eve and the 2nd half of Christmas Day with my mom's family, but we spent one night a few days before Christmas with my dad's family. Thanksgiving changed every year, so it was a toss-up. If there's question about where to spend the holidays, there are two somewhat simple ways to deal with it. 1. Split them up. Thanksgiving with one side and Christmas with the other. 2. Have everyone (both sides) over to your place so you can be with both sides at once.

Answer 4

While my husband and I were dating and engaged we started a system. Split between our families for Thanksgiving (we end up more stuffed than the Turkey!). Christmas Eve is with my parents, Christmas Day is with his parents.

I know what you mean about stress you want to make everyone happy. Thanksgiving will be the first time in 7 years that we will be going to one place. I hope after this year my husband and I can host it and just have both families together since they get along and like each other.

Answer 5

oh jeez... I always HATED that part of the holidays. I'm 17 now, so its almost over. I used to have a system where I would rotate: one year i was with my dad, the next with my mom. But i guess as you get older, you want to spend time with BOTH families. Maybe you could do a split thing. Go to one family for a few hours, then another for the next. Family is the most precious thing we have, so don't get too stressed out about it.

Answer 6

It depends on if you have both sets of grandparents. Growing up you usually went to both sets of grandparents. By the time you get married do you still have both sets? B/c thats when it gets hard.

My husbands family agreed to move the Christmas to Christmas Eve. That worked better for the whole family. Christmas morning we wake up, drive 3 hours and have Christmas lunch with my family. It will be more difficult once we have kids. I know growing up (after my older cousins got married) sometimes we did the 26th. However that doesn't work if your family is really far away. Then I guess you have to alternate years.

My best friend-his family goes on a ski trip sometime around New Years Day. They hold on to their immediate family gifts until that ski trip.

It's a lot easier to spread it out and have get togethers on 24th and 26th than it is to try and have the family driving in a car 12 hours all around the world on Christmas Day.

Answer 7

Well you could take turns going to each side every other holiday. Another thing you could do is have both sides over to your house. That way you could spend time with your family and his. If you do the later, I would recommend having everybody bring a dish so that it all doesn't fall on you. My family usually does this and it works out nicely.

Answer 8

Toughest decision each year. I have split families, my parents divorced when I was 2, so it's hard seeing/acocmodating everyone during the holidays. My husbands parents want us there for every holiday, all day, as much as possible, It's hard to get them to realize I have two other sets of parents to visit also. One year, I wish I could do it all at my house and not have to go visiting to everyones house each holiday.

Answer 9

My parents are divorced and my wife's parents are divorced.
After a couple of years of driving all over town. stressing out and seeing my kids not get to play with their new toys, we started a new tradition:
Christmas is at my house. We will provide all the food. Everyone is welcome to come. If you don't want to come, because you can't get along with others that are there, I'm sorry. Maybe we can catch up to you at a later date. We've been doing this for 8 years now. Everyone attends except my wife's father. We all have a good time. I guess he would rather be alone than be at the same place as his ex-wife.

Answer 10

When we first got married (many years ago) we would alternate between my family and in-laws every year. At first it was tough, but everybody's schedule eventually got matched together. Then for Christmas, we would spend Christmas Eve with my in-laws and Christmas day with my family. At first we alternated these. also, but it got to the point where one of our parents were also alone on one of the days because my sister and her family were doing the same thing. Now as our own family is getting larger with a son married, fortunately she and her family's schedule permits us to still do the same Christmas schedule.
I hope this helps. I know how frustrating it can be when you have two families pulling you in two different directions to be with them for the holidays.

Answer 11

hah, SO agreed. beack when I couldn't drive it was easy. one family every year. but now thatI can drive it like hey EXPECT me to drive to see both of them and considering they live 2 hours away from each other and I don't even LIKe the holidays, doesn't make it more fun. Theres not really an easy answer, nobody will ever be happy, lame, i know right? but what I ssuggest doing, on football, go to a game withafew friends :) thats what I'm doing