Thanksgiving family issue need to change traditions?

Question

My older family member insists that we all come to her home for every Thanksgiving. That means a long ride in snowy cold weather and a late night home trip. I want to cook my own dinner and have a few guests this year so I dont have to travel. Is it fair to be held hostage to tradition when I am an adult that wants to enjoy my own home and family? This has created an uprorar and she is livid about losing control over the holiday. I will not be held hostage by her orders. What do you think folks, ever happen to you?

Answer 1

I wouldn't care less if she (the "older family member") had a nervous breakdown because of our decision to -finally- celebrate Thanksgiving in our own home and by our own rules. You are entitled -as an adult- of making any decision concerning your family, your celebrations, your traditions, and your life. As long as you and the people who live under your roof -husband/children- agree in wanting to spend ANY holiday at home, enjoy with friends your cooking and avoid the trouble -and danger- of a long and cold drive, you should not even be giving it any second thoughts or feeling guilty about it at all. Selfishness and self-centeredness are NOT good qualities in people; you have been spending past holidays with this older member, right? Well, now it's YOUR turn to do as you wish. Sadly, some people tend to think that everything revolves around them... Don't forget to have the courtesy to call beforehand to let her know you will not be attending and to wish her a very happy Thanksgiving, though. If she can't understand that you have the right to enjoy your holidays at home, that's HER problem.

Answer 2

I hear you I hate that and this year i'm doing the same thing, I'm cooking my own dinner and having it at my home. I'm tired of traveling and getting home late with my kids and plus i never get left overs when i go somewhere else. LOL Some people are upset and others are joing me at my home I just offered up rooms if they needed to stay cus they don't want to drive and everyone was ok w/ that. I never get to cook and this year i want to for my BF which is his first Thanksgiving home in 4 years (Marine) and he is so excited and i won't take that away from him. See if she can't come to your house and if she say "No" then oh well stay strong and Have a Great Thanksgiving"!

Answer 3

You are an adult, and if you want to stay home for the holidays, by all means, do it. She needs to be respectful of your choices. She sounds like a control freak - let it go. You say you don't want to be held hostage, so stop. . You are being held hostage by her control since you had to write this question in the first place. If she is livid about the situation, then it's her own thing - let her be upset, it only makes her miserable. You can choose to let it go.

Answer 4

OMG I know where you are coming from. i go through this every year. I love the whole family dearly, but sometimes I just get tired of the same old routine. I have my own family, 3 kids, 2 grand kids, son-in-law, parents, etc. my mom always thinks we have to go to my uncles and the whole 45 of us have to get together too. i would like to just have the immediate family together for once. I think that if this is what you want then do like I am going to and lets sit our foot down and tell them that it is just going to be us few and if they want to go on to the big family get together then we will see them for the Christmas dinner maybe. I am not going on that long drive this year. I don't blame you either, I think it ruins the holiday, and it just wears us all out. I am going to do the same thing for Christmas. Why drive miles away just to cram everyone in a tight place and so noisy, when we can have a small family get together in my large home with some quiet conversations and they can drive to me for a change, cause no one has to try to talk over each other, and enjoy the dinner and not have all the ruckus. Best of luck to you and myself. Happy holidays!

Answer 5

this can be a tragic situation and that i'm able to narrate for your tale. Technically, he might want to ought to contain you in maximum of her deeds, and a minimum of take section you of his each and each day occurrences, his plans, his thoughts, etc. that is what a wedding ceremony is all about. i'm able to inform you i'm in basic terms beginning divorce papers on the prompt because my situation were given worse than yours... and that i observed that there changed into no go back. Did you try speaking for your husband? Counseling? i tried that and in my case to no avail. so that you ought to really learn your situation. perchance you may write down a itemizing of excellent things and then beside it a itemizing of undesirable issues. belongings you imagine your husband is prepared to dedicate and belongings you imagine he received't dedicate. in case you spot too many extra detrimental issues, then you extremely ought to make a rational evaluation and take a call. i'm telling you after my husband left a month in the past it has no longer been exciting. I miss him extraordinarily at circumstances, yet i understand i do not ought to flow through this aggravation i changed into going through. i changed into really begging him to take me to places and to introduce me to human beings he knew. He thoroughly ignore about me and positioned me to the aspect like a unused piece of furnishings. I hated that and that i did not settle for that. so that you ought to guage your own situation and observe in case you spot a lot wish from there. he's not the perfect human being interior the international, trust me. and also you should be dealt with with appreciate, dignity. you want to be a persons' priority, no longer an option. So i wish you may make a sensible determination in accordance for your info and locate your happiness.

Answer 6

same boat.

We're doing Thanksgiving with friends this Sunday for a great meal, then off to relatives for the real one on Thanksgiving, which typically the food is horrible.

Answer 7

Of course you could say no to your older family memeber and enjoy your evening with friends and your own (probably better) food. However is it worth hearing about it for the next ten years during each phone call? You pick...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Answer 8

I wouldn't worry about what she wanted or thought. I'd have my own Thanksgiving and let her know I control what goes on in my house and I am in control of my life. And she can get glad the same way she got mad.