For parents that choose not to spank their kids, what form of discipline do you use?

Question

Why are so many parents against spanking their children when they misbehave? Spanking does not have to equate to abuse. It is not a form of abuse. It is a form of discipline. For those of you who do not spank your children, what form of discipline do you use? Timeouts can only go so far. After a child learns that they can act up, get sent to the naughty corner for five or ten minutes, and go back to doing the same thing they were doing before – it’s pointless. They learn that there is a short punishment for their behavior. As they get older, taking things away from them (video games, phone, priviledges) doesn’t work. They get to a point to where they don’t care – especially teenagers. With some kids spanking doesn’t work all the time, but in a lot of cases it does.

Nothing annoys me more than to see a parent asking their toddler or any kid for that matter, to stop doing something a hundred times. They count to three, then ten, and so on. In order to get different results you have to take a different approach. Get up and swat them on their bottom, put some firmness in your voice and let them know you mean business! I have seen people on here who get upset because their parents or inlaws want to discipline their children. Assuming they didn’t abuse you and you turned out just fine, why wouldn’t you trust or allow them to discipline your children to a certain degree? So what are they supposed to do when your kids get out of line while in their care? Call and tell you? That shows the child that grandma or grandpa has no authority. They have to call my parents to get results.

My family has a rule – if they babysit your child and you won’t allow them to discipline them as necessary, and spanking is not always the option, then you can keep them at home. I agree with them. Especially from a grandparent’s point of view. You can tell your kids how to behave when they go to someone else’s house all day long, and a lot of kids do respect their parents wishes and obey. But for those who don’t – there has to be some sort of strict discipline in place. When kids know they don’t have to abide by anybody else’s rules, except their parents (or the authority figure in their life), they use that to their advantage. My husband’s eight year old niece does that to him so I am speaking from experience. She has flat out told him “No” she wasn’t going to stop. She has flat out said “You can’t make me” and he has to tell his mother to get any results. He’s 29 years old. That’s disgusting!

For the record, I do not have kids at this time. But I am always around kids and always have been. I have observed the behavior patters in all types of children. Some will push your buttons. Some will cave in at the very thought of being spanked. I agree that a lot of people do abuse their children with what they call spanking them, but if a child is spanked correctly, then it is a good form of discipline -- in my opinion.

Answer 1

I don't see anything wrong with spanking as long as it's not misused. Some parents will tell their child once to stop and then automatically spank. I think it's more appropriate to tell them to stop and then warn them that they will be spanked the next time they do it. If they do it a third time then they are spanked and are taken away from the situation.

Another thing is that a lot of parents don't listen to their kids. Kids aren't stupid adults... they think completely differently! They might be trying to tell you something important or they might be whining or crying for a real reason. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just remove them from the situation and let them calm down.

Answer 2

Spanking was done in my house as i grew up, and I will admit I have a horrible anger temper now as an adult. While no one can pin point that that is the reason my people, my counsler included believe it played a role in that. I have a 5 year old and I have never really spanked her. I did do it once, when she was 2 years old, she ran into the street, I grabbed her, firmly told her NO and spanked her (but not hard) on the bottom, it shocked her so much she got the point and never tried to go into the street again.

However we have found at least with her and my nieces (my sister practices the same method I do) That time outs work for us. However we dont let them sit during a timeout. they stand in a corner not leaning on the wall but standing and have to look at the wall. They get soo upset with that we havent had to do anything else. However we only use timeouts for things like not listening.
If they hit someone say during a playdate, play time is over. They get to sit on the couch and watch as everyone else continues to play and no one is allowed to talk to them and they are not allowed to talk to us. If they dont pick up their room, any toys left on the floor is taken away, the adults hide it in a box and it is usually taken away for about a month. If they ask for the toy we remind them why it is taken away and tell them no. These are just some of the things we have done and they have worked for us. Now if they hadnt worked I am not sure what I would do, except asses the situation and try something else. Now when she is a teenager Obviously we will have to figure out new forms of disipline because you cant really give a teenager a time out, but again, Parents ususally need to disipline if they dont teach there kids properly, if your child knows what family expectations are and those expectations are ALWAYS inforced most kids will except that and listen.

Answer 3

Spanking a child will only help up till a certain age not beyond that!

Time outs are no good as you only said that its a or punishment for the child and he gets back to doing what he was without any change.

A strong weapon is Guilt. You HAVE to make the child feel guilty for what hes done and time outs dont help. You can do it by giving him back what he does...give him back in his own coin. When he feels the pinch then he will realise that he shouldnt do it.
For example if he spoils someones clothes, you take his favourite piece of clothingwhich e loves and hide it or teporarily stain it just to make him feel bad and immediately after that have a one on one talk to him. Talks with children play a very important role. The more frequently you have quality talks with your child the better it is.
Indulge him in constructive activities and not destructive ones.
Dont let him get pleasure from destructive things infact push him towards constructive and peace giving things.
I am sure this will help

Answer 4

We have never spanked our 12 year old daughter, but she has never been a discipline problem ... ever. I can only recall having to give her a time out on a couple of occasions and that was all that was necessary. I don't agree with spanking, but I wouldn't rule it out. Instead, I would use it as a last resort. Different kids respond to different forms of discipline. Some kids need to be spanked.

Answer 5

Ok well I'm a teenager, so, believe it or not, I would know. Spanking to make kids behave does not work. Please, trust me. Physical punishments are not only uneffective, but they harbor resent and hatred in children. If you teach a child that hitting someone will make them abide by your rules, what do you think that's going to do to their sense of fairness? You're teaching them that violence is the answer, and while spanking is, I'll admit, not exactly abuse (in any way), it still sends a pretty clear message. Spanking also makes children feel the need and want to rebel. You're not fixing a problem, you're causing another. Instead, the best thing to do is be firm but gentle. Set rules, and hold to them. If they don't follow you're rules, guess what? They get grounded. Don't flip out on them. Don't lose your temper. Be patient. (It's a virtue.)

Answer 6

I'm going to answer the question as its written and ignore the rest if that's OK with you.

We use the 1-2-3 Magic system and it works fine for us, both in terms of stopping bad behavior (like throwing tantrums) and starting good habits (like doing chores w/out being reminded).

We don't give material rewards for good behavior, never did the silly sticker chart thing. We prefer to show our appreciation verbally to reinforce good behavior. It works for our family.

Answer 7

Well im goin 2 b doin the 'super-nanny thing' im learning great tips from her, and its not just about the 'naughty step' its about how u talk 2 them as well, stuff she teaches that I as a future parent would'nt even think of....

I think theres plenty of different ways to keep control over your child, one important thing is not 2 lose it, coz it shows the child your not in control....and therefore they lose it...lol

Answer 8

I don't understand how you think that a swat on the bottom is any more of a 'short punishment' than a time-out. And, unless the child is misbehaving because they are over-stimulated & need a little time to find their calm again, I don't really see a time-out as a very effective learning/behavior-management lesson, either.

What we did was to start in infancy, creating a strong attachment bond with the kids. This also worked with my husband's daughter who I didn't meet until she was 6 years old - he had already created & maintained a good attachment/trust bond with her, obviously - I created my own as we forged our relationship with each other during our dating/early marriage years - aided by her father's respect for both of us.

Next, we made an effort to never expect the children to know how to behave in any new situation without our guidance. We didn't 'punish' them for making bad choices when we hadn't yet taught them how to make a good choice in any particular situation. If they hadn't been taught yet, we used any bad choice mistakes as lessons for them.

But, for the most part, until we were ready to teach them how to behave in a given situation (when we thought they were ready to learn), we supervised them & took responsibility for their safety & their behavior.

Then, once they were ready to learn how to make their own choices in a given situation, we started by going into that situation with them, showing them how things should be, letting them experiment under our protective care, guiding them, role modelling, discussing ideas & possibilities, helping them weigh their choices, eventually leading up to letting them make their own choices & learn from the natural consequences of those choices.

Sometimes, as parents teaching a lesson, we have to push the natural consequences a bit (i.e. keeping toys that we had to pick up, since the child chose to leave the shared living space a mess -or- asking the child to leave the area & go somewhere quiet to calm down -or- making an executive decision to do something 'right now', as the child's behavior was inconveniencing others in an impolite way, etc). But, we try to make every decision make sense & fit within our two family rules - 'Be Safe' and 'Be Polite'.

I really like the book, "Parenting with Love and Logic". It truly helped me to learn to be the parent that I wanted to be, as I stepped into step-parenting from my single/child-free/fun aunt life.

Answer 9

for my kids, when they were little, i would sometimes spank them, but usually wouldn't let them watch tv for a while, go play outside with a friend, etc. but this only does go too far...i never spanked my kid though..i just couldnt

but now theyre older and for punishment, i just ground them and that totally works...or, i make them do chores such as cleaning the bathrooms

Answer 10

You have to establish a good relationship first. If your kids really trust you and look up to you, then your only punishment needs to be a time out. They will be sad that they diapointed you, and won't want to do it again.