Bride and Groom are both early 40's, she married twice before, he married once before.
In September I attended a "Housewarming/Wedding Shower/Groom Birthday /Toga" Party for the couple.
A housewarming gift was given when Groom purchased the home and was not yet engaged to Bride. Groom acknowledged the gift with a big hug and thank you. Fast foward to the party from hell. I brought a very nice shower gift and put it with the other gifts, so my even bringing it in the first place wasn't acknowledged.
I received the wedding invite a week later with TWO different registery cards in the wedding invite! TACKY.
I haven't received any sort of thank you for the shower gift. They received maybe 10 gifts at the party, so it should have been an easy task.
I'm a little bitter about this and won't short them a wedding gift, but I also don't want to spend $$$ if it's not appreciated! Advice?
2007-11-14 00:38:46 · 11 answers · asked by Tracy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thanks for all the replies - and Solicia, you're right in that I needed to vent.
I will get them a small gift regardless of any thank you notes written, lost, or received.
LOVED the idea of an etiquette book!
2007-11-14 02:49:00 · update #1
Since they seem to have "misplaced" your thank you cards, then you should "misplace" their wedding gift.
Now, seriously and technically speaking.
The housewarming gift, you gave it to him without a party and just because he purchase a home. He was not engaged either and he did thank you personally, so he did thank you.
The engagement/shower gift. You did send a gift and was not acknowledged. That was rude of their part. Secondly, showers are for couples that have not been married before, so again, they were rude to throw a party for themselves (!!!) with the sole purpose of receiving gifts as if they were in their 20's. They are an established couple and both showers and wedding gifts should no be expected for second/third weddings and for people in their forties. Awful breach of etiquette.
Gifts should NOT be mentioned on an invitation, so here they are rude and wrong again. Technically speaking, the shower gift is different from the wedding gift, so you cannot count your previous gifts towards the wedding present; however, considering their lack of tact and manners and how greedy they are by sending registry information on the invitation, if I was you, I would send a rather modest gift or a gift card. Say, a $25 gift certificate.
Do not go overboard with their gift, you have been more than generous and they have NO manners or sense whatsoever. A photo album or a picture frame will suffice.
Good luck
2007-11-14 01:47:30 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you go to the wedding, then you def should bring a gift.. it is a little weird though that even though each of them have been married more than once they are still having the shower. i can understand housewarming.. but not shower! but anyway, i know that wasnt your question.. they definitely should not have put even one registry card in the wedding invite.. thats just crazy! the registry is for the shower! i dont really understand what you are saying though when you say that you put the gift with all the other gifts so you werent even acknowledged for bringing it.. well isnt that what normally happens when you bring a gift to a shower? you put it with all the other gifts? did they open the gifts at the shower and not thank you? that would be completely rude! if they did not open the gifts at the shower then they should have either given you a call to thank you or sent you a thank you card.. i mean 10 gifts? thats not a lot at all! it would take her 30 freakin minutes to just give everyone a call to say thanks! how unappreciative! i have 185 people at my shower.. and even more sent gifts.. i said thank you to each person at my shower as i opened their gift AND i am still working on the thank you cards that i am sending! i you really feel like you shouldnt give them a gift, which is understandable, then politely decline the invite.. but do not go without a gift.
2007-11-14 01:48:23 · answer #2 · answered by Tiff Tiff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah...registry cards in the invite...very tacky. I wouldn't even do that! Question...When was the shower and when is the wedding? She may be holding off on doing all the thank yous all at once - especially since she'll be busy preparing for a wedding. Just because she's registered there does not mean you have to buy from the registry. Give them what you feel comfortable giving them. If you're that po'd about not getting a thank you, then just give them a card and call it a day.
2007-11-14 01:07:26 · answer #3 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep in mind that the thank you note may have been lost in the mail or maybe your note fell between the seats in the car on the way to the post office. If it were me I'd call them and say that you wanted to make sure that they got your gift and liked it, etc. Don't say anything about the thank you note.
If it's too late for that then I'd buy something really small for their wedding. After all, it's tradition to give gifts at the first wedding and not the second and third so, really, it's not customary for you to give them a gift at all. A registry for the second and third wedding, to me, is tacky... Didn't she get enough stuff at her first and second wedding?
2007-11-14 00:55:24 · answer #4 · answered by Due March 9th, 2010 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would be a little offended too. Every gift should be acknowledged - it's not right for them to accept a gift without saying 'thank you' in some sort of way. As a wedding gift, maybe get them an inexpensive gift card?
2007-11-14 00:49:25 · answer #5 · answered by veggurl21 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, this is the traditional way to "punish" young couples who are careless about sending timely thank you notes. You call one or more members of one or both families and say (gush)something like "I'm so terribly to bother with something so trivial, but I'm so worried that the little package I left for Newton and Gertie back at Wanda's wonderful party was somehow lost. If it was, I want to be sure to send them a replacement. With so much going on, it's inevitable that things get misplaced, but I wouldn't want them to miss out on their little surprise. Please, could you find out, but without letting them know I asked?"
Including registry card(s) in a wedding invitation IS incorrect, whether it be 1, 2, or 20. These are for inclusion in SHOWER invitations. Showers have special rules, since they are a very special sort of party in that gifts are REQUIRED. However, it's a courtesy for couples to register at more than one store so that guests can choose something conveniently located and appropriate to how much they wish to spend.
2007-11-14 01:58:05 · answer #6 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the kind of opportunity that allows you to be the bigger person. It is true, that if someone give you a gift, they should receive some acknowledgment. I for sure would not spend a great deal of money on the gift, but I still would give them something.
2007-11-14 01:35:04 · answer #7 · answered by vaya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gift them a copy of an etiquette book, with a very pretty bookmark tucked into the section about thank you cards.
2007-11-14 01:16:19 · answer #8 · answered by ill_be_phd 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Give them the benefit of the doubt...pieces of mail, especially small items such as a thank you note, is easily lost in the shuffle of mail delivery. Perhaps it was misplaced or lost...and you can't really ask them to verify if they did, in fact, send one...so the only thing that is left is to just assume it went out but was never delivered to you. Go to the wedding and have a good time!
2007-11-14 00:51:45 · answer #9 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well why not buy them something extremely small?
that way you feel better for buying them something an if they yet again neglect to acknowledge your gift then at least you wouldnt have gone short yourself for them..
2007-11-14 00:45:45 · answer #10 · answered by *Mrs R* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋