Your fiance went away with work for 2 weeks, a month before your wedding?
My fiance regularly works away from home - fine, I accept that. But he told me he would keep the last 2 months before we got married 'free'.
He's now told me he's off to Canada for a week to a conference (his choice, he wasn't made to go) and then he's staying an extra few days to see some family out there.
He has been to this conference every year for the last 5 years and he can probably go again next year.
I was really unhappy when he told me.
Who's being unreasonable here - me or him?!!
Ta.
2007-11-14 00:38:05 · 28 answers · asked by Clare 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Perhaps I should point out we're having a big wedding - because he wanted one (not me!).
The reason I'm annoyed is he's p*****g off at what will probably be a very busy time organising it all,.........
So I get dumped in the sh*t while he's swamming around the other side of the world.
It's not because I'm clingy, it's because I get fed up with organising everything, ok?!! :-)
2007-11-14 00:46:42 · update #1
I would be pretty mad too because I know how stressful a wedding can be to plan and set up etc.
Would he have honestly helped out if he were at home though? I love my husband and he's a good, good man but he didn't help out much with our wedding. It's boring for a guy to go store to store looking at flowers, shoes, and dresses. You probably would have had to order him around and it would have been a big pain in the butt for the both of you.
I think the real issue here is that he broke a promise... he said he'd be free the last two months of engagement. Even though you're angry and stressed out try to get over it... just so the days leading up to the wedding are fairly nice. Can you talk to a friend or a family member about it and have them help you out instead? Mom, dad and even grandpa and grandma might enjoy going with you to help get arrangements made.
2007-11-14 01:11:03 · answer #1 · answered by Due March 9th, 2010 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well If His Conference Is Some Place Fun You Should Go With Him! I Know A Lot Of Couples That Do That.During The Day You Can Shop Or Do Something You Enjoy And At Night Or Whenever His Business Stuff Is Over You Can Spend Time Together Also It Would Be Good For You To Meet His Family.
But If You Don't Like What He's Doing You Better Really Think About Spending Th Rest Of Your Life Together.Right Now He's Working Around The Wedding Later On It Will Be Other Things.
2007-11-14 00:51:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I suppose I would be at least slightly annoyed!
I mean, if he can't keep that little promise before marriage - what will he do after we're married?!
on the other hand, he's out there for work, and to see his family. are they invited or not? he might invite them or the like...
or perhaps he's just fed up with the whole preparation circus - give him these few days of freedom. better he's now off for some days then he be leaving your at your wedding day!
it's okay for you to get annoyed, honey, but you'll better come down again, and when he's back the two of you may talk about this. ask him, if he wanted to get away from the preparation or if you should worry, but without being harsh or hysterical.
it might be a completely harmless thing...
god luck for your wedding
2007-11-14 00:52:24 · answer #3 · answered by Nova 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My best friend's wedding in 1990, her fiance went to California for 3 months for work. We live on the East Coast. He finished and got home about 2 weeks before the wedding took place. They didn't even see each other the whole 3 months he was away. It gave her lots of time to plan the wedding.
She wasn't annoyed. They have been married 17 years now.
You are being unreasonable.
2007-11-14 01:22:09 · answer #4 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he is thinking of the extra money he will have to spend on you. Men think very differantly than women and he probably has good intentions. But you must address the working away if it is an issue for you . If your not happy about this now ask yourself what you may feel in a couple of years when you have to look after the kids alone for weeks on end. There is also another solution....go with him !
Talk to each other!!
2007-11-14 00:45:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would be SLIGHTLY annoyed, but wouldn't let it get to me so much.
If it has to do with work, and him growing with the company and excelling and furthering his career, you should respect and admire that.
He also wants to see FAMILY.
I wouldn't have an issue with that, as long as he was available for a phone call due to wedding organizing issues.
Why not GO with him? Or meet him there when the conference is over to meet his family, and relax a little before the wedding?
2007-11-14 04:13:03 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to say that no, I would not be angry, I know it is a stressful time for you but call on your girl friends for help, or your mother and the family. Life does not stop because you are getting married and his career is also important, I would not be angry if it was to help his career (even if it was his choice to go) as a job is what pays the bills and keeps a roof over your head.
2007-11-14 19:45:51 · answer #7 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First I think that you are clearly the one who has been wronged my mate and I have been together for 23yrs, he is tuned in with me, I would say 84% of the time. The one thing we both agree on is we always communicate with each other and never and I mean never give your word and take each other for granted. With your wedding on the horizon, I myself would sit down with him and explain to him how you feel. If this doesn't wake him up,( I would surely be looking at the future with him), if he changes his mind about leaving the 2 months free, what will your life be with out honouring his word and communicate with you over this instead of saying he was going to the conference and staying to see relations up here. Tell him how you feel and I am sure he will listen, if he doesn,t then I would look at the future and how easy it is to ignore your feelings on this I would wonder if his love for you is just as casual Good luck and I wish you a long and happy marriage
2007-11-14 01:18:54 · answer #8 · answered by Running Dawn 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
ok.. one thing i absolutely HATE with a passion is when someone tells you one thing and than takes is back later when it comes up, obviously letting you know that they just told you that back then to "shut you up".... im sorry but this would really make me upset.. i am very surprised that after he mentioned that he was going, he still went.. you are his fiance.. you should have said, "o thats really funny.. you really know how to push my buttons.. im sure your joking since you gave me your word that you would give me the last two months before OUR wedding." especially since he CHOSE to go! you should have just told him that you are sorry but you planned things around him being home because of what HE said so he cant go... i mean people make decisions based on a bunch of things.. what he said probably made you decide something that you may have not decided if he didnt lie to you, ya know? so to answer your question, no! you are absolutely not being unreasonable!! and i would talk to him about this.. and ask him how he could do such a thing.. that really damages the trust in a relationship when someones word is not valuable!
EDIT:
i just read other peoples responses that say you are being unreasonable and i think they are missing the whole point!!! you planned on him being there because HE said he would be!!!! if he didnt say that then yes i would say that you are being overbearing.. but if he didnt agree with you, he should have said that in the first place.. and you two could have discussed it and came to a compromise.. its the point that he straight out deceived you and that is NOT right!! i personally dont agree that he should have to be there 2 months before the wedding.. but AGAIN.. that is not the point!!!!!!!!
MURRAY:
business before pleasure??? does that mean business before FAMILY????? thats insane!! there needs to be a balance.. FAMILY ALWAYS COMES FIRST!!!!!!!!!!
2007-11-14 02:13:37 · answer #9 · answered by Tiff Tiff 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
This isn't about the conference, this isn't about him working away, it's about something (in my opinion) much more serious than that.
Getting married isn't about the service, the dress, the party, it's about communication, trust, taking each others feelings into consideration, putting your partner first, sharing, understanding, and it seem you two have none of these things.
Your getting married to man who doesn't listen to your side of the story, he doesn't value your opinion, he has little thought for your feelings, or keeping his promises, he puts his work and others first, etc.
Any you? You have little trust of him, no understanding, your too possessive, can you see where i'm going with this?
These are all issues that need to be sorted out BEFORE you get married, they are the absolute basics, the foundations of a relationship and there's no way you should be getting married with all these 'issues' still to be dealt with.
2007-11-14 00:53:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋