... i know it sounds selfish but its only been 12 months since my grandad died and i still find it hard. Everything always has to be worse for them and go on about it all the time - i dont think its helping my partner who has taken it really bad. i dread seeing them as i am finding it all to much to cope with - i am now dreading christmas as my partner will want to spend it with his family andi know it will drive me round the twist. Any advice or anyone been here before?>?
2007-11-13 19:24:19 · 20 answers · asked by Pebbles 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The trouble is, that death is easier to deal with for some people if they talk about the lost one. If I were you...and if you have not got kids...I would go to my own home for Christmas...you'll have a better time. Just tell your partner that after a death...especially one which has hit the family so hard, it might be better for them to all be together with their memories.
I often spent Christmas apart from my partner...as hs family were a NIGHTMARE! He he...it's ok if there are no kids...you aren't joined at the hip...good luck!
2007-11-13 19:29:55 · answer #1 · answered by Daisyhill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does your partner know your grandfather died recently as well? I don't think you're being selfish, you have your own feelings and emotions and grieving for someone doesn't just go away suddenly. You have just over a month till Christmas, is there anyway you could speak to a grief counsellor or someone to work out your own feelings? Ilost my dad last year and I know that it's still something that upsets me when I think about it. Or maybe you could ask that you and your partner have Christmas alone and go visit his parents at some point?
2007-11-14 03:32:49 · answer #2 · answered by Gavin T 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you judging them? My brother died when I was 15 and it still hurts I still cry and for the first years I would hold on to that pain and ended being a cutter and trying to commit suicide it wasn't good. You sound selfish and the reason I didn't trust anyone enough to tell them how I felt. I feel sorry for your partner you sound so heartless it's been a few weeks what's wrong with you. Let them grief.Then tell him/her you want to be with your family because that family does not need your negativity there at this difficult time. ^_^ DJ
2007-11-14 04:08:08 · answer #3 · answered by DJ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well having answered your previous question, i would say perhaps try and split the time between the families, if that's possible, if the distances aren't too great. Many people do this these days with ever increasing splits in families. A few days with one family and a few with the other, that way you get to see everyone and all are satisfied that you aren't being selfish. If that isn't possible then the only way would be to have separate Christmas, but that will please no one I'm sure.
2007-11-14 03:28:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everybody grieves in different ways, you should be more understanding & supportive. A few weeks isn't a long time at all when you've lost someone, of course they need to talk about it. Pretending everything is fine will just prolong the grief, better for them to talk about it & work through the grief. Death is a fact of life & sometimes we have to cope with it at Christmas time, be there for your partner. Help him through this difficult time or he may well end up resenting you for it.
2007-11-14 03:31:51 · answer #5 · answered by Mimkat hate the new Yahoo Answers so has retired. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Six weeks is still very recent to have lost someone that you loved.Of course is family is grieving,so do not expect them to get over this loss almost immediatley.l am sure your partners grandfather was a very much loved family member.l think you are being a trifle hard.Yes,you are grieving for your own grandfather and so is your partners family for their grandfather.You have lost someone you loved,so you know how they feel.Share in ther loss,be there for them if they need to talk to. Time will heal the loss.But it will take time.
2007-11-14 03:35:08 · answer #6 · answered by Ruby Jane 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There isnt really any advice on how to get them to stop! They are obviously all still greiving! Everyone deals with grief in a differnt way! This is actually a good way to do it! Everyone talking means that they are getting their emotions out! It wont be long until they stop and can move on with their lives! Just persevere! Maybe you should talk to your partner about your grandad! It really helps! Believe me!
2007-11-14 03:35:32 · answer #7 · answered by emzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let me ask you one little question.... were you with your partner 12 months ago? did he turn his back on you at that time?
you must be a child because all you know is YOU.
if your grandad died 12 months ago then you should be able to see, feel and know that your partner needs your support at this time and not squabbling over where you should spend Christmas at. there would be no question in your mind at all if you care one little bit about him as YOUR partner where you should be and who you should be with.
he deserves better than this.... and no i don't think everything has to be worse for "them" it is obvious everything has to be worse for "You"
2007-11-14 03:36:00 · answer #8 · answered by Cymbaline 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he only died a few weeks ago it is hardly surprising that they want to talk about him. It is part of the grief process and it is their way of adjusting to life without him. As time passes he will feature less in the conversation so you should look to help them rather than blaming them, and honestly, yes you do sound selfish.
2007-11-14 03:30:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt just sound selfish it is selfish. You gotta be a joke. Your either making this stuff up or your too childish to have a partner. A few weeks is a short time and it takes months and even years to get over a death. You sound cold and heartless. I feel sorry for your partner.
2007-11-14 03:28:47 · answer #10 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋