Who is right me or my wife with my mother in law?

Question

My mother in law has never liked me or even wanted me for her daughter ( she said it herself) and despite me trying to get along with her over and over again she is always trying to get at me.
She has first threaten to call the police because she feels i am to strict with my stepchild. I got over that. She later tried to so behind our backs and took my stepchild (3years old) to a doctor cuz she thought maybe i was molesting her (even though she had no proof) I had to go to our doctor and clear any suspesitions. It took me a while but i sort of got over that too. (even though we could have lost our newborn child and my stepchild) Later she got a hold of my stepchild's father (after never being around) and got him to file child custody papers so she could have my stepchild taken away from my wife ordered to go back to her dad ( we won the case) I know i can be a real prick but that was crossing the line. My wife seems to forgive to easyly and wants me to do the same. Should I?

as of right now i am so mad that i don't talk to her anymore. My children don't see her and nor does my wife but my wife wants to start taking the kids over and i don't the last thing she did really got to me and i am not over it yet.

Answer 1

what a crazy bit.ch WOW.. does ur wife realize that if her ex won the custody battle she might have not been able to see her kid much anymore?? i think that woman has taken it to far i agree with you 100%..

Answer 2

You need to first, get your wife on the same page, and secondly, have your wife sit her mother down for a really frank talk about boundaries. Your wife needs to spell out that there will be ramifications if she pulls one more of her stunts.

The MIL is going out of her way to create drama and break up your family, and apparently has no intention of stopping.
Taking your stepchild to a doctor is probably considered kidnaping.

If your wife cannot establish an understanding, you will probably have to collect all of this information as evidence, and file a restraining order against her. She will not be allowed to visit your home, the kids, you or your wife after that.

Answer 3

You are your wifes husband and she needs to stick by your side! That woman has gone off the deep end, and if your wife doesn't want this to effect your marriage you need to cut ties with that lady and make her apologize before she does any more damage to your children. You guys have YOUR OWN family now, and that comes first. Yes it is her mother, but there are some things that you just don't put up with and from wjat you've said she's gone waaayyyy overboard. I am going throught the same thing with my sister being mean to my husband, and saying that our kid is going to be %^&*ed up. She's crazy and i do not want her around my children for her to berate their father. Sometimes family needs to be cut off, no threats just tell them " I don't appreciate the things you've done, and for the sake of our children and family we need to cut ties or an apology is in order." Ask your wife to step up, she married you not her mother. If her mother cared about her daughter at all or her grand children she would not act like this. Maybe she doesn't see what she's doing and the consequences of her actions. I had to give the same speech to my mother and now she has done a total turn around. Good luck!

Answer 4

Wow you have a VERY forgiving wife. As a mother if someone tried to take my children away I would never forgive them EVER. I don't care who it is.

My mother tried to break me and my husband up before we got married. WE had a new born at the time. I left home and moved in with my in-laws in order to keep my family together and do what was best for my child.

As far as your situation is concerned I would really talk this over with your wife. And make the best decision for your family. Good luck!

Answer 5

After all your mother in law has put you through your wife OUGHT to be a little more angry. That she is not tells me she is used to being bossed around and controlled by her mother. (In my opinion to the point of abusive, but you didn't ask about that.) You will put up with this all your life unless you and your wife agree to get some counseling together around the issue and agree to stand together for what is best for your family and your marriage.

Counseling will help you figure out why you "can be a real prick" and why your wife takes that kind of behavior from both you and her mother. None of this is good for your kids - they learn what they live.

You might find the following book useful reading for ALL of you:
http://www.amazon.com/Verbally-Abusive-Relationship-Recognize-Respond/dp/1558505822

Answer 6

Wow hun, what a mess. My fist concern is for the welfare of these children. All of this he said, she said crap negatively affects a child for life when the rumor and accusations have such life altering consequences. It bothers me that your wife seems so accepting of this overtly obvious attempt at control by her mother. That tells me she's used to it or she's fueling it by talking to her about your problems. That's NOT good.
The intended object of your MIL's rampage seems directed toward the older child. I'm wondering if "grandma" is pulling these stunts because she is WAY too attached to this child and doesn't understand her boundaries.
Look at what you've stated here..it's escalating. First she threatened to call police claiming that you were too strict (the child obviously cried to grandma OR your own wife complained to her).
Second she took the child to the doctor and made up stories about abuse ( who is feeding her this nonsense?)
Third she got an absentee father involved to try and take the child away from YOU.
Notice how ALL of that is designed to seperate you from the older child and systematically gets worse with each incident? What she's doing isn't working so she tries something more extreme every time.
She can control your wife, obviously. We know this because your wife continues to crawl back to her no matter what sh*t she creates. My hunch is that she thought she could control the absentee father as well. Which is why she started pulling HIS strings. You DID say SHE convinced HIM to file for custody.
She doesn't want you around because you threaten her sense of power over the people in her life. You discipline the children and you're not allowed to do that in her eyes. She is supposed to be the "great and powerful OZ" and you're just expected to do as your told and keep your mouth shut. My guess is that's pretty much what your wife does when her mother is around.
It's either that or you ARE a scumbag, a child molester, and the evil stapdad from hell. Are you locking this poor child in a cage at night too??? ;P
Don't expect this to stop unless your wife puts her in her place, puts her foot down and tells your MIL it's going to stop or she'll have nothing to do with her or the grandchildren until she learns to respect you, your boundaries and her rightful place in your lives. Your wife is allowing this behavior to continue by accepting it and she's is unwittingly asking you to allow it as well by asking you to overlook her mother's behavior. Does she give you the "oh she didn't mean it" speech too?
I know this is probably not what you want to hear but your biggest obstacle is not your MIL. The problem is your wife. The long term solution if she can't keep her nose out of your business is not to allow her to participate in your lives and not to tell her anything. That way, she doesn't have any idea what goes on in your house and can't create these problems.
I raised not one but THREE stepchildren.. children from a mother who was a prostitute, a thief and a drug addict(and still is, the children are now 19, 23 and 27). I got them at 7, 11 and15 years old. Imagine the baggage that came with THAT situation!! And my husband was lousy at standing up for himself, his childrens welfare OR for me even though like you, I was the one present and working my butt off to take care of someone else's children.
You deserve to be respected in your own home and you are to be commended for stepping up to the plate to care for someone else's child. Don't accept any less from ANYONE.

Answer 7

I feel sorry for you, it seems to be that you are a good person, try to convince your wife that the relationship between you and your mother in law will not work, try to move far away from her, remember that family is your wife and that child. I must say that your wife has to understand this, apart the best thing for that child is not to witness all these problems. I have to say that it seems to be that your mother in law is a very bad person from the moment that she tried to take that child away from your wife too and your wife has to understand this. Remember the family is you , your wife and that child.

Answer 8

you are right but there is no easy answer. you have to be strong enough to let your wife and kids have a relationship with her but you should have the support from them as to why you do not want one. It might just be a case that they go around there without you and be done with it. you definatly do not deserve to be treated like that and good on you for trying to put up with it so far for your wifes sake. But its just a destructive pattern that you dont need to be a part of anymore

Answer 9

I would keep my distance that is truly a form of harassment and you can get restraining orders preventing her from doing this that's the form of harassment that is within the boundaries of causing undue pain and hardship on you and your kids keyword is harassed in any form is a form of intimidation and should not be tolerated at all,,,, if you get a no violent contact order depending on which state you are in she can still have contact with the children and you and your wife but it is to prevent intimidation and harassment of all forms while she is in contact with you or your family but if she pulls any more of the stupid shiiiittt she can be arrested and prosecuted as long as the no violent contact order is in place it is the same thing they issue in divorce cases so that either parent can visit and be in contact but be ordered to refrain from harassing behaviors and intimidation
http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/forms/documents/ch150.pdf

Answer 10

cope with it with sensitivity despite the fact which you have been dealt with so poorly by using your substantial different's mom, who seems content textile to stay vicariously by using your husband's previous. i think of that each and every physique you should do is clarify this on your husband and how uncomfortable it is for you. You owe no clarification to the two females. i might advise sending possibly some form of present with him; something elementary, possibly nutrition as to with courtesy bow out. in the experience that your husband can not understand why this may be uncomfortable for then you definitely it is only too undesirable. good luck.