20 Yr Age Difference in Relationships?

Question

I'm 22, he's 42. We've been friends for a couple of years. A few months ago he told me he's cared for me all this time. He's smart, successful. I'm a cashier who has no idea what she wants to do w/her life.When we've discussed life/family things he's always said how he feels we're equals. I don't see how.

He's supportive emotionally and has offered me assistance financially(I thanked him but declined). He asks me about his new house, decor tips, what kind of things I'd prefer.Has said he wants to spend his life with me, said he loves me. He's said and offered everything a girl could want.
My fear is if I accept his feelings, and get invested what if I lose him? He's in great shape, but if years down the road we're together and something happens to him I'd be left alone in the middle of my life.
Losing a grandmother or friend is 1 thing but fear of *possibly* losing a partner when in my 40s-I don't think I'm strong enough. Is this reason enough to not try the relationship?

Answer 1

You said you have no Idea what you want with your life. This guy is smart and has a world of knowledge he can share with you about life and lots of other things. I believe he will treat you better than anyone ever will. maybe this wont last but a few months or a few years. Maybe it will be a long term commitment. I just can't see anything but positive things for you with the exception of one. That's CLOSED MINDED PEOPLE who just might give you a hard time.I say go for it. This experience will be positive you for the rest of your life.

Answer 2

I see you thinking about the age diffrencing being a concern for health reasons, but you should also make sure that it would be a good realationship no matter what the age diffrence. When you think about it you could marry a 22 year old and have kids with him, and then one day when your kids are 5 and 2 he could die from a number of things. It's definatly something to consider but true love is true love.

Also, I don't know you or him so I don't want to make any assumptions but just make sure that he really wants to be with you because he really loves you. A lot of times older guys feel like theya re in power when they have a younger women, and the fact that he has already tried giving you money and stuff just made me think about that. Like I said I don't know you or him so I could be COMPLETLY off base here, but I'm just telling you what I have seen happen with other couples that had a similar age diffrence.
And if you do decide to try out a relationship with him don't let him speed things up to fast. Just date him like you would any other guy and see where it goes. Giving a relationship a try doesn't mean you have to marry him tonight.
I hope this helped at least a little
and
GOOD LUCK
I hope you figure it all out

Answer 3

You have answered your own question. I can talk for hours abut this topic, but the bottom line is, 20 years is too much. Yes, there are those that will say age is a state of mind, doesn't matter...if you care for each other blah blah blah. I don't mean to be rude or sound stand offish, but you seem to have a head on your shoulders...as you have already pointed out a good point. So to further that point, ask yourself this--if you decide to stay with him and make a go of things, will you be able to say you enjoyed your time and it was worth it when you lose him? Regardless of age in this matter, you can lose your significant other at any time no matter what the age difference...car accident, cancer, etc. But our lives can be segmented into stages of life, childhood, adolescent, young adult, middle adult, and old age. Right now, you are crossing over from adolescent to young adult...he is already in middle adulthood. So, you are still finding yourself, as you mentioned, and he is at his most productive stage of life. Soon, he will be retiring, wanting to travel, spend time in leisure, etc...you will be at your most productive, making your career for yourself. Having personally seen this with my parents and others, my father retired, my mom stayed working, and resentment grew because she still had to get up and go to work 5 days a week, having only a month vacation a year. Then there are the different goals at each level, omg the list is endless. Then there is the fact you are two different generations, and typically, I separate generations by 15 years, so really, you are more than a generation apart. Now you have him raised with the values of his generation, and you have been raised with the values of your generation....hence even if they aren't now because you two are just dating...your generational values WILL clash. I strongly suggest you google Erik Erikson, as he is the basis of the stage identifiers I listed, ie young adulthood, middle adulthood, etc. Erik Erikson is like my hero :) and as a social psychologist, he identified these stages which still hold true today, by almost any standard out there...and realistically, while I don't want to hamper and say it just won't work, as anything is possible, I do think that if the relationship is going to work it will take a lot of effort on both your parts, and a recognition of the age differences so you know when to apply those extra efforts...but I still remain firm on the fact he is too old for you, you are too young for him, however you want to view your situation.

Answer 4

Well, it depends how much you love him. If you do, why worry about his death. Generally, a healthy man these days can live into their 70s and 80s. I'm sure he will leav you money behind and by then you'll be in your 50s or 60s and may remarry.

Even if you marry a young guy, an accident or genetic problem he didn't know could take him anytime.

BUT you are right to hesitate. It is a big gap. You are young and need to explore more. Unless you feel this is a match made in heaven or darn well close to it...don't rush into anything.

Answer 5

Ask yourself this question: Would you be interested in him if he wasn't financially successful? If the answer is no, then you're contemplating this for all the wrong reasons. You should only consider marrying when you LOVE someone and are attracted to him, not just because he's successful and can take care of you. Don't marry for any reason other than love or you'll spend the rest of your life regretting it. I noticed in your entire question that you never once mentioned loving him or having any feelings for him. That's not good in my opinion.

Answer 6

My parents both lost their first mates in death. It had nothing to do with age they were all around the same age. Death happens to anyone at anytime. The point I feel the need to express is ... weather or not he dies when he's 90 or you die next week, every one should be loved as tho today was the last day.

When you love someone so much that just the idea of them being gone breaks your heart... grab on, never let go, let that person know they have your love. That way life will be full of love for the both of you.

You can't sit at home not loving someone just because of what might happen. If anything you should love them all the more so in the present. If you love someone don't let them go not knowing it.

Answer 7

Oh no. nicely, i replaced into waiting for to click in this and notice 13 twelve months old lady and 33 twelve months old guy. yet honestly, you're an grownup, and once you're pleased with a mature guy then i assume this is wonderful. it is in contrast to your courting is unlawful. only bear in mind that he's going to start breaking down from age quickly once you're finished of existence and power. additionally, look at it this form.. he's the right age to be your father. I even have been around an incredible style of people who only shake their heads on your form of courting, because of the fact they often see an appealing youthful lady with a grey older guy. They the two think of she's in it for the money or she has no self-nicely worth.

Answer 8

You have your own good reasons - but I would also add the physical relationship factor - what happens when his libido get lesser and you are still in your prime. Thats a real difficult period. Have you even planned for that phase of life - give a thought on the subject before you proceed.

Then probably - u may feel devastated - mentally and emotionally.

Answer 9

I would love to date a girl your age and i'd think she'd be happy about me being smoked while she's in the middle of her life because she'll have a second chance to enjoy it all over again lol. Hon in all honesty it sounds like he's the best thing that ever happened to you and worrying about what's going to happen in 30 or 40 (or 2) years is just rediculous. I'm sure you know by now that young men are immature and don't know how to treat a woman and it sounds like he has his act together and is ready to worship you. Don't wait another second and go for it!!!!!!!!!!!! He'll spoil the hell out of you and you should enjoy it oh and don't even give a second thought to what other people think

Answer 10

With someone that age, I would date him. And if things were right, go for marriage. Especially if you want children, get life insurance BEFORE. You are being practical.

SHacking up and "my babys daddy" is not the scenario here. Obviously security is important to you as it should be. Don't feel like a jerk for being smart.

Life expectancy today is long and condition is more important than mileage!