My 12 year old son hates me...?

Question

I have recently filed a petition and had a trial to get supervised visits for my ex husband with our son. My ex is a big alcoholic and had to be taken by ambulance with a blood alcohol level of .4!!! they said if his wife hadnt called he would be dead. Well then I found out he was too drunk to take our son to the hospital to get stitches and the neighbor had to do it. He is very manipulating to my son. He drinks a fifth of Jack daniels every day. Well the judge will make a decision after talking with my son tomorrow. My son loves his dad very much and is very angry with me for taking his dad's overnight vivits away. He want to live with his dad now and has a bad attitude. He doesnt understand and his dad has him convinced that he may drink all the time but doesn't get drunk and i am only doing this to be mean. Which I am not supervised visits mean I have to drive my son 1 hour each way to go visit his dad and I am willing to do it..how do I make him not hate me and see this is best?

Answer 1

I'm sure your son knows about his dads drinking problem. sounds like he is in denial. That's understandable, He loves his dad. He loves you too, but I think he,s afraid his dad might not be in his life someday, and maybe he is taking it out on you. I think counseling is really needed. Even without this going on he is at a very confusing age. There are counseling agency's in the yellow pages. If money is an issue, Try children's services. They can refer you somewhere that has low fees and in some cases, free of charge.

Answer 2

You cannot be best friends with your kids... you have to be the PARENT, which means being the authority figure. You can be his best ally, but not his friend... capice?
His dad is AWOL and you are taking the correct steps to assure your son does not become a delinquent alcoholic.

Truth is, you only have so many years to impress the right set of values upon your son... by a belt across the fanny if needed. He has to learn respect, honesty, responsibility, ethics and all those other things in order to get along in the world.

You can opt to have the visitation at the local courthouse or police station, in the presence of a court-appointed officer so your son and his dad can visit without you being present. If your ex shows up hammered, the cops will jump him.

Answer 3

Talk to him which i'm sure ou aleady have. Give him time, he will understand when the time comes. He is very young and boys look up to there fathers. In time as he gets older he will understand why you needed to do this. At his age he does not comprehend the situation andthinks like a 12 year old. { which he should} Don't be so hard on yourself. You are his mother and done the best thing for him. It will all work out in time. He is hurt and, confused about the situation and, in time it will all come together. I'm sure he loves you very much.

Answer 4

only tell him to drink water, or he can no longer get dessert or in spite of. additionally, if he performs activities or some thing, only tell him that he loses quite some water throughout the time of activities, and as such you will no longer enable him play returned except he's ingesting adequate through fact it is not secure. HalfWayThere: Water don't have a flavor or a scent. If it does, that flavor or scent isn't coming from the water, yet the two some thing interior the water equipment if it truly is faucet water or the field if it truly is bottled water. At that fee, I advise you get a glass with a clear out (like a Brita one) and save it interior the refrigerator to minimise absorbtion of tastes or smells from different components.

Answer 5

Tell him honsetly that his father could have hurt him,with his actions and that by drinking that his father is hurting him in more ways then he knows.That you were doing what was best for him and trying to protect him,and if he doesn't see it now in the future maybe he will.This was in his best interest and as his mother you will always be there to look out for him and to keep him safe,what his father was unwilling to do with his excessive drinking.He is 12 yrs old give him time to adjust to this situation and get used to everything that has happened,but that you will not tolerate any bad attitudes or misbehavior from him.

Answer 6

Unfortunately kids don't know what's best for them. He doesn't understand now, but he will look back and thank you for it. No kid should be in an environment like that. You did the best thing for him. Taking away the overnight visits was a good idea, but just keep in mind that it's important for any kid to have a relationship with their father, so whatever you do just make sure that you don't forbid him to see his father. Good luck!

Answer 7

gave a lot attention is not a way out for me!
gave understanding (congruent with his age) would be effective.
find out what makes him love his dad a lot, also find out why are he hate u?
if he hate u because of his father, give him an reasonable explanation.
by the way how old your son is?
when he is getting older he would be understand, for now maybe he only think with his emotion.

Answer 8

My heart goes out to you ,a few years ago I was in a similar situation. Your son doesn't really hate you he hates the situation and you are the one he is lashing out at. You need to get couseling for your son and for yourself. It took a few yearsfor my son to realize how his Father manupliated him because of his drinking. I wish you all the best and just love your Son .

Answer 9

Let him know that no matter what happens or who he is living with, both you and his dad love him and want the best for him. But make sure not to talk down on your ex husband, i saw on Oprah that speaking negatively about your spouse in front of the kids and fighting in front of kids always backfires, and kids end up resenting their parents and themselves (they think they are to blame, or that they are similar to the wayward parent) Kids need a stable environment.

You have to have a sit-down dicussion with your ex-husband about what is BEST for your son. It may help to ask the judge to direct you to some family counseling services. Your ex-husband needs to understand that its not about being the favorite parent, its about being a parent first and foremost. Both of you need to agree to not speak negatively about one another in front of your son and not to argue in front of him, for the sake of your son's well being and mental health.

No matter what happens though, don't say negative things about his dad, that usually backfires. The links below will explain why.

Answer 10

Someone once said, "if you child doesn't hate you, you must be doing something wrong"
He's 12 yrs old and doesn't understand... Hopefully the court will tell your ex to keep his mouth shut and leave adult situations to adults, don't involve kids.