Verbally abusive father...?

Question

hi! im 13 and my father os verbaally abusive nowaday. He calls me spoilt and stupid and idiotic-but it's nothing like that. Im the most disciplined kid you'de find. He swears at me sometimes. He talks behind my back of me being spoilt and he keeps on threatening to send me to study in india. And just because my friends are in a higher math class-he treates me kinda like im stupid. in india(that's where i come from), its not right to sweara at or call girls bad names once they"mature". I DID, but he still is mean, and frustrateda t me. He treats me like a burden(behind my back), and embarasses me in public and amlost hits me sometimes in public. i feel soo bad. he's never involved in my life. i love my mom, so i don't wanna cause ANY trouble. she's sick and if my dad leaves;then nobody will pay for her medication and treatment. also, divorce is NOT a choicee....i still love him SOMETIMES......so what should i do?

He's ALWAYAS irritaed for the SMALLEST, most STUPIDEST things EVER! he also gets annoyed and irritaed at my mom too..i don't hink my mom can take anymore; for she's ALREADY SICK!!!!!!!!!!! also, he treates me the way HE grew up in india; he thinks beating me is the ONLY way to discipline me(which I PRESONALLY don't think is a threat--'cause im USED to those types of threats).......and because of this pressure from him and my mom's sickness; my grades in school are dropping drastically from A's to B's and C's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But i don't want him to DIVORCE my mom......i want him to CHANGE.............

Answer 1

dear my 13 years little sister..

First of all, i really sorry with what happened to you, i am very proud of you, such a young girl, but having enough maturity to face a problem like this.

My childhood, i still remember, when the first time i saw my dad doing such a harrasment to the family, i was 5+years old, my dad doing such a stupid things very often especially to my mother. we are 6 brothers and sister.

until 16+years old, my dad never changed, sometimes he is a very sweet and nice, but sometimes, he can be so mean, so silly, and so negative. he can give all of his kids a bigest hug with a warm and tender lovely kiss, but he also can hit and hurt all of us.

in my family, he is the one who pay all the expenses, and sometimes we all think he doing few harrasment because he has trouble or stress at work.... bla bla bla...

when i was 16, i decided to move out, and work, i pay all my expenses by my self, and sometimes i give some money to my mother to buy cosmestics or dress (my dad never give mney for "lady shopping") and i start to think to change him, become a good person, or maybe i rescue my family, and be happy.

i went to a free attorney for family abuse case provided by the government, but IT JUST WASTED MY TIME and even worse they said they will arrest my father, come on, he is my dad, my father, the first sentence come out in to my mind is " how come i put my dad in jail?"

so i just walk away home, believe me, since i stay out of home, when i visit my mom, i always fight with him, i dont know why there always a reason for him to open a "hot" negative conversation, and from the small thing, can become a big trouble, he often slap us (his kids) but he never dare to do it to me, i think because i am the most vocal and brave one between another kids.

divorced also not a good solution, but believe me,

WE CAN NEVER CHANGE SOME ONE

my mom become weak and has a TBC (a disease) and need to be taken care in a special unit sometimes. absolutely, divorced is not a good way, even i know, i can always pay for her treatment.

this harrasment happen until now, but

one day there is a doctor called me, he wanted to meet me personaly and talk about my family case, he knows from the attorney. so we met, and it was nice meeting because finally, i know the reason why my dad behaved like an animal in the jungle.

this point is important for you.

one of many reason why someone behaved so negatively is because:

1. they need more vitamins B6 and B12 >> this vitamins are working in our body to help the brain produce a positive ion to the mind, and create peace-full-ness to our soul. ex: why chocolate can make you happy? why avocado can make you relax? why berries can make you smile and sleep better? YES, the answer is, they contain a lot of B6 and B12, and also, this vitamins helps the body to produce good hormones, and balance the hormones in your body. if you got your menstruation or period maybe you can feel, why are woman who having their period are more sensitive then they who not having their period? because the hormones in their body are up-swing and very imbalance, you might be know how rude if you make a lady whose having period get mad, all the sarcastic word will come out of her mouth, so i guess you start to understand now.

2. all human brain needs peace-full-ness. this thing can be achieve only if we at a good nutrition, balance vitamin, sleep well, and also good environtment around. our body making hormones 24hours a day, non-stop, only to keep the body balance and keep fully sane. if some one used to living their life with IMBALANCE hormones and vitamins, it can create BRAIN CELL DAMAGE.

for ex: let say your father is working since he was 20. every day he was very happy, eat well, very balanced life. he got 70%happiness and 30%unhappiness which is his body still produce happiness hormones and send an enough supply for his brain. ten years later, he started to living an un balanced, pressure at work are more and more every day, junk food are very common etween office worker, more children more expenses, wife got sick and need special treatment, which is mean his body need more vitamins and nutritions to build up a happiness hormones, but it was not happen, then his body doesnt send enough happiness hormon to his brain, and he become very sensitive and stubborn. later on, his body was not able to send enough happiness and peaceful-ness to his brain and create more stress and pressure to his brain and feeling, and WHEN IT HAPPEN TOO LONG the brain will get damage and cannot feel happy "that easy" or very up-swing mood.

some one who has a brain damage cannot be changed. it is too late. he was like a woman who has a menstruation every day forever in his life, so it will be VERY difficult for him to feel peaceful than upset, they cannot control their emotion because of their brain damage.

3. every time human scream, cry histericaly, shock, surprised unhappily, sad, too much laugh, there will be hundreds nerves cell in human body will get damage. so the more scream you made, the more cell will get damage, and do you know how many days your body need to re-build the damaged cell or create new cell more then a week, if you eat well and enough nutrition, imagine if some one not eat well, the body will not able to fix the damaged cell, and like your father, i believed his body is not produce enough hormones to supply peaceful-ness to his brain and soul, and by screaming and stress very often he is not able to re-build his damaged cell. and the worse thing is, someone with damaged brain never think about positive think, and they always do a same thing when they enjoy it, they dont have shy-ness, like i told you, THEY LOST THEIR OWN EMOTIONAL CONTROL, so their positive mind cant control their negative ion anymore. so everything they are doing are right and always right in their eyes.

DO NOT HATE HIM. loving him, give him care and more love, it helps him to realize, happiness and peaceful-ness can come from his family.

believe me, now you know one of many reasons why your father behaved like that, so you can face his tantrum like a little kids need a lolli pop... if he start to do a harrasment to you or any one else, keep your self busy with your things such as washing dishes or clean up house (dont sing or laugh) give him time to finish his madness, IF it not help, go and have a walk out side home, and come back few hours later. if it happen in the night, keep yourself in your room, reading and practice your math, it wont that bad.

another thing i want you to know dear, believe me, your mother is more trong than you can imagine, she know the best she can do, if she is sick right now, please love her so much, and take care of er very well, but dont ever think that sehe is weak. God always fair to any body, you and your mom is included.

so cheer up, dont let your father brain damage interupting your study, im sure you are very very very smart and mature girl, you can face it dear, now you know whats wrong with your dad, so you must be know that what ever come out from your dad mouth IS NOT TRUE AT ALL, all those disgusted words from his mouth are BULLSH!T and no need to hear, it is not important to be hurt because we listen to damaged brain words, i know you agreed! :)

before this doctor met me, my mother always said "dont listen to this damaged old fashioned radio"


promise me you will be better at school, and be brave! anytime you need to share, please tell me, you can email me, if you want to talk and share personaly by phone, let me know your number, i can always talk to you any time, dont hesitate, i am a mother now, i can feel what you feel, dont be ashamed, we have a same childhood.

i proud of you, i proud of your mother.

Answer 2

Your dad is from a culture where it is still common to abuse the women. Sending you back to India would actually cost him more money.

Time to play keep-away.
You don't get within reach of him.
You do what you must around the house, help your mom as much as possible before your dad gets home, then evaporate either to your room, or to a friend's house to study. Keep your mom in the loop on that, so she knows you are not getting into trouble. Get into some extracurricular activities at school to take you away from home a little more.
When you are old enough, get a job after school and save the money so you will be able to get out of there as soon as you graduate.

Talk to your school counselor about the situation. It is possible that you may be able to tap into some assistance on behalf of your mom.

Answer 3

I think good for you for your awareness and wanting to make a change. My family has some history of not respecting one another and releasing anger in unhealthy ways. I would think that your father at this point doesn't realize or maybe he does that he probably feels very powerful when he gets to speak his business. There is a good book by patricia evans on verbal abuse. it talks about control. I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is educate ourselves. Also another good one is nasty people by jean carter That is a book you might find in the library. A good saying my GP told me is "DON'T WRESTLE WITH PIGS" (not that your father is a pig) you both get dirty and the pig enjoys it. In my family yelling and swearing has been an accepted practice but we are trying to change that. Well I am trying to change my behavior and that is all I can do.

Answer 4

He was probably treated the same way that he is treating you. Sometimes parents say things and feel so bad after doing it. I know my father was also abusive to me verbally and also very critical of me. I think I carry that around with me and in the beginning started doing the same to my kids and I saw what I was doing and changed they way I talked to and disciplined my kids, by using timeout and rewards. I wish I had talked to my father about it , but he has died. Let him know that it makes you feel bad, but say it with respect.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like he is under alot of stress. I can relate to your situation on a different level. He also seems to need some type of counciling or anger management, or he may very well be bipolor which would explain the outrage. You might could talk to your mom and see if she could talk him into getting help and soon before someone really gets hurt.

Answer 6

i know thta announcing him to the authorities wont help u much..call social services and they will help u get some type of medical or something to cover the medicines..talk to ur mom

Answer 7

He will never change. You need to call the domestic violence hotline and get FREE help with how to deal with your father who is verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. Do it now! They can help you!