My boyfriend still hangs out with his ex. Is wrong for me to be jealous?

Question

My boyfriend still hangs out with his ex and it bugs the hell out of me because I know she still has feelings for him.

He tells me he hangs out with her so it's not like he's hiding it. He even goes to her on-campus apartment to hang out. Sometimes he takes naps on the couch. ~_~

He's told me time and time again I'm over reacting, but I'm not so sure. They went out for a year before breaking up, then shortly after we started dating. I've hardly interacted with her. The only time I've really seen her was at an anime convention where when she found out he was dating again made a whole lot of drama happen, pretty much ruining the con for me and him, and quite possibly a few other people.

I'm very insecure about myself since I have very little dating expierence. He tells me they are just friends, and he's not even attracted to her anymore...but I dunno...

Am I overreacting?

I should add that most of the time when he goes over to hang out with her she leaves for class at some point (she's like taking 17 hours!) so those naps are often after she leaves.

I've told him how I feel already. This relationship is somewhat new, about 2.5 months so I'm not sure if I should give it some more time.

Answer 1

I think the question you should be asking is, "Can I trust him?" I think any girl in your position would be a bit jealous if her boyfriend was hanging out with his ex-girlfriend. Maybe if you talk to him and ask him how he'd feel if he was in your shoes. Ask him would he be okay if you hung over at your ex-boyfriend's house. Hopefully, that will help him see things from your point of view.

Answer 2

You are no overreacting at all, but I think if your boyfriend had any consideration towards you, he would not be disrespecting you like that. To be at her apartment and "taking a nap" is not logical. and furthermore while he was still hang in around her did not bother to tell his ex he was dating again. Looks like he might have reasons for not telling her and for her to react the way she did. Have you seen her after that incident? Could it be he is trying to date you too at the same time? From your story he stills wants to be around her and trust me no woman will put up to what you are putting up with. It sounds from your words you're young and if this is the case, trust me there are ALOT of guys who are willing to give you the attention and respect. Sorry to say this, but kick the loser to the curb!
I really hope the best for you.

Answer 3

No ur not overreacting girl! You probably dont want to here this but something is going on! He is making you think nothing is going on by not keeping there friendship a secret but there is! You cant be friends with your ex unless there is something still there! Even if you dont mess with your ex and u still talk, there has to be some sort of feelings! I say you have a talk to with him and tell ur not comfortable with him seeing her if he gets mad oh well tell him it's you or her! It's time to take control girl dont just sit back and let him think he is allowed to do what he wants! I can guarantee his "boys" or whoever sees the situation from the outside thinks he is a player! So end his game now! =)

Answer 4

Sweetie, listen to me! My long term boyfriend played this stunt too. His Ex casey he cheated on me with her a few years back now! While we were still in school! There was always an excuse! "Oh she's helping me with some homeowrk" Oh she's depressed" well big freakin deal! He stayed at her house one night and supposedly "slept on the couch" THIS IS NOT OK! He shoul dbe home with YOU! You HAVE to make him choose or he will continue and think he's getting away with it! You should follow him on day and see if he kisses her or anything! Then you can tell if he's lying! If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't care if you went there with him or anything! He is hiding something! Is he careful with his mobile phone? Does he let you read msg's? things like that can all be bad signs! I know, i've been there!

DON"T YOU DARE LET HIM MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR ASKING, THIS IS WHAT MY BOYFRIEND DID TO ME, WHEN I FOUND OUT THE TRUTH IT TORE ME APART!

Answer 5

This really depends on everyone involved. There is no one answer for every situation like this. It can depend on their friendship before their relationship, if you are ever invited to hang out with the two of them, how much jealousy he would feel if you did the same, and other such things. I am not suggesting you try to make him jealous, but it's good to know the boundaries of the relationship. I know that I would not stand for it if I were in the relationship, but everyone's different.

Answer 6

You boyfriend has a better relationship with his ex now then when he was going with her. They have a history and there is no way you can compryr against that. However, the question is who's bed does in sleep in at night? Your feelings are not unjustified. Your are more than right to get a little more emotional assurance from your boyfriend.

Answer 7

how much of a problem was his ex at the anime con? and if she has feelings for him id believe something is happening. If he naps at her house IT MIGHT NOT BE TOTALLY BAD. But if he claims to have no attraction whatsover he should provide clear proof that he does nothing romantic with her ( or so id think, Not saying he is but maybe he is the type that pretends that his ex IS TRULY HIS EX and wants to be with two girls.)

Answer 8

It's not about jealousy. Women should stop trivializing their own feelings.
It's about wanting RESPECT from your boyfriend.
Some guys have zero respect, sadly.
So your feelings are normal, and a guy is supposed to respect his relationship.

Answer 9

I dont think you are over reacting at all. It would bother me also, I think what I would do is to tell him that this makes you feel very uncomfortable and if he is going to continue to
do this you cant see him because if you do continue to see him you are just going to be in a very uncomfortable relationship and believe me if he truely loves and cares about you like he should and like you deserve to be treated he will stop going over to his ex's house and would want to respect your feelings and spend more time with you, also you would much rather be in a happy relationship than one that makes you unhappy.
I hope this helps :o)

Answer 10

NO! I would FREAK if my boyfriend hung out with his ex. I trust him but c'mon be realistic. They have a connection. If she made a scene about you and him dating then she isnt over him. Honestly I think he is taking advantage of the fact that you are insecure and have dont have much dating experience. Trust your gut. Always. If he is serious about you and cares about you he shouldn't be seeing his ex. Especially "sleeping on the couch" yeah I dont think so.