I have an 8 month old son and my husband deployed just 2 weeks before he was born. My husband's already come home on his 2 week leave- he came home in May when our son was just 2 months old. He comes back for good in April, and our child will be 14 months by then. We have web cams and I have my husband talk to our son all the time on the phone, but we both feel so helpless in this situation because the two have no real relationship. I'm wondering what I can do to foster healthy bonding when my husband does come home. My son is very clingy to me and I'm scared that at 14 months old, he's going to see his own father as a threat to him and his mommy's relationship. We don't know what to do! HELP! thanks guys : )
2007-11-13 16:05:48 · 17 answers · asked by skylavaulter 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I can only speak from my own experience returning from Vietnam 37 years ago to a 15 month old son. I had only seen him for a week when he was a month old and again for about a month when he was five months old. We made a very big mistake which I think really made it difficult. My wife slept with him until I returned, at which time he was moved into his crib in his own bedroom. Try to think of all the things that would be different if your husband were there with you and make the changes well in advance of his return so that there are as few abrupt changes for your son as possible.
Thank your husband for serving our great country for me. Thank you for enduring the separation so that he can serve. I hope that all goes well on his return for your family and that you, your son and your husband enjoy many years of happiness in the future.
2007-11-13 16:24:19 · answer #1 · answered by DaveNCUSA 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get one of those stuffed animals with the voice recorder inside. Have your husband record his voice on the toy and send it to your son with Daddy holding it in a photograph. Since your husband is going to be deployed for a few more months, have his voice recorded reading simple short nursery rhymes and stories. These should be very animated and simple stories. Play these over and over for your son when you are in the car or during the day. This will make the voice of his dad both comforting and familiar It may take a few days for your son to warm up to the real thing but as long as you are exposing your son to other male figures that are nurturing and fun, he will warm up in no time. Good luck.
2007-11-13 16:28:59 · answer #2 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you ever leave your son at a preschool, church, etc.? The more your son gets comfortable being left in various settings, the less clingy he will be to you--will gain that trust that "mommy always comes back". Then, when your husband returns, he will be more prepared for the change. Keep showing him pictures of Daddy and keep talking about Daddy. Also, the more comfortable you are, the more comfortable he'll be. Children pick up on our moods/fears more than we give them credit for.
2007-11-13 16:15:32 · answer #3 · answered by Abby S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing you can do is both you and your husband talk about this well in advance. You both need to be prepared to ease into a relationship with his son. The boy will be hitting a period when a lot of kids are clingy to mom and have a lot of separation anxiety even if dad was there all the time. So you both may have to be patient and not try to force a relationship.
You might check on http://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/MOS/home.aspx. I know they have lots of advice and articles on kids and deployment.
You could also check to see if your base Family Service Center might have pamphlets or classes for ideas.
But really, I know for my girls it took a lot of patience and some work for both my husband and myself to get them re-acclimated to him being home. And he was never gone for all that long (3 month sub patrols) when they were that age.
2007-11-14 03:10:51 · answer #4 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a key point in your question is that you son is clingy with you,, this is going to make it very hard for the two of them to bond if he is still really attached to you.
Before he comes home make sure you introduce your child to as many different people and environments as possible, getting him used to other people and other things (and being not so attached to you) will mean that he will be more open to getting to know his dad when he does come home. Make sure you do things together as a family and let them spend time on their own too.
You can't expect them to bond on their own, your gonna have to be a big part of the process and make your son see that you are not the only person in his life, and that he is not the only one in yours.
Good luck with it all!
2007-11-13 16:27:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Young children are very perceptive and will instinctively be drawn to people that love and protect them, even though he may be a bit weary of his dad for the first few days.
He will pick up on the relationship between you and your husband and making sure that that is positive and loving is key in easing him into his dad.
Be with both dad and the little one a lot for the first few days to assist him in adjusting but then they will need time together alone to make a stronger bond.
2007-11-13 16:13:29 · answer #6 · answered by L L 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, thank you to both you and your husband for the great sacrafice that you have made for our freedom.
The best thing parents can do to build the relationship between a child and a parent is to show your child through your actions, the bond that you have with each other.
If he sees the closeness that the two of you share, he will begin to feel a part of that close bond.
2007-11-13 16:12:12 · answer #7 · answered by conim2002 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Frame some pics of your husband and hang them right by his crib where he can see them. Put pictures all around the house and tell him who is in the pictures as much as humanly possible. When Daddy calls let him to talk to him....even at this age. That way he knows Daddy's voice and what he looks like. Whenever you get a letter in, sit down with your son in your lap as you read it. As he gets a little older you might need to stop this depending on the content of the letter. Hope these help.
2016-05-23 02:23:57 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you husband gets home, make sure that YOU and the boy are doing things with the husband. This way your son sees that this man in his life is someone that his mom wants in her life.
Your son is still young and you can't just thrust him into his fathers hands and walk away. Be part of the life, let the boy see that Dad is important to mom and make sure that they get time together.
2007-11-13 16:09:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
wow yes, having him come back in his life for good will be a bit rather sudden and a bit of getting used to.
sounds like ur doing good tho. Allowing webcam communication is good because your son is familiar with his face. i'm not really sure what u should do but i suggest of course that he bring your son gifts :D
nothing screams happiness like toys to a child. they should spend more time together thats a for sure
2007-11-13 16:10:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋