How do I explain to my son why there was a porn movie playing on my computer.?

Question

My husband and I were watching it in the room together while the kids were in the living room. We left it playing by accident when we left the room to go to the bathroom and a few minutes later my son went to the back of the house and pushed the door open to ask us a question. I walked out of the bathroom as he stepped back out of my room and I realized that he might have seen it. The computer was on my bed at an angle not fully visible from the door, and he says no that he didn't see what was on the screen. I think that he was embarrassed to say that he did and I feel horrible and don't know what to say or do. My son is 11.

Thank all of you for the advice and understanding without criticism...
We are usually very discreet and my husband even has a safe that he keeps the movies locked in so that the kids won't accidentally find them.

Answer 1

Tell him that if he has any questions, then he should feel free to ask them.
He may have seen nothing, in which case you may want to let it slide.
He may have seen it and does not feel comfortable speaking about it. In which case he will ask when he is ready.

If he asks, tell him it was a movie about people making love and explain to him that it is a natural activity and that adults who are married do this in private. It is only a little bit early to be talking to him about sex so, this may be a good time to see if he has questions. I would leave out the other things that people do during sex and I would also leave out that people have sex without marriage not because this is bad or untrue but because it is a difficult subject without adding in the grey areas.

Good Luck

Answer 2

If you've already had 'the talk' with him, he knows what sex is all about. To be truthful, in this day and age, he probably figured things out when he was about six or seven. It's hard to believe but that was when I came into understanding of the notion of sex, as did most of my schoolmates. So if he did see the video playing, he's just found out something that we all had to realize at one point: our parents had sex.

I'm pretty sure most people that just read that shuddered a bit, but it's just like that kid's toilet training book, 'Everybody Poops.' Same thing in this situation; everybody has sex.

If you want to fix the problem, you need to think about yourself first. Are you okay with the fact that you're having sex, or that the video you and your husband were watching together turned you on? I'm asking this because it's extremely common to find people, especially women, who are ashamed of their sexual acts. Society is to blame really; sex and everything to do with it is still very taboo. But once you overcome this stigma that sex is bad then you can allow yourself to be sexually free.

In doing so, you become able to fully explain why you were watching the video to your son without being embarrassed or ashamed.

On the other hand, you can pretend it didn't happen and your son will do likewise. You'll forget about it until you accidently walk in on him doing something similar when he's older and then you'll be even.

Both ways are fine. :)

Answer 3

although he's pretty young, kids do talk to each other. It's a scary thought but chances are by this point he has a pretty good idea of what sex is. With Myspace and Facebook portraying explicit images everywhere, most kids who have one have already been exposed to it at some point in their life. For us it was not just one “porn talk” it is a continuous conversation. Our son is in 7th grade, going into 8th grade, and our daughter just graduated from high school. At times the conversations about sex, pornography, explicit images, and MySpace have gotten pretty crazy. Most of the time my husband is very embarrassed. We just made a rule that if they have any questions they can ask them and pretty much now on a weekly basis they have one. My son has more questions than my daughter, because my daughter is now older. We just grit our teeth and tell them what they want to know. We listen to them. After a discussion we ask them how they feel about the subject, usually they feel quite a bit. Junior high is full of things my husband and I never heard of until we were practically adults. So how we do it…open, constant communication.

Answer 4

Just tell him you were watching a movie for grown-ups.

Beyond that, it should be made known to him that you're willing to answer any embarassing questions he has about grown-up stuff or whatever he may want to ask, regardless of whether or not it has anything to do with the movie.

As a parent, I think it's important to be able to continue to do adult things even though there are kids in the house. Obviously you may want to be more careful about keeping those things for after their bedtime or something, but what's done is done.

The best you can do is to be supportive and not let yourself get embarrassed. If you're embarrassed by it, then your child will pick up on that and be embarrassed as well.

Answer 5

Say nothing- unless he asks. You're an Adult & you're entitled to your OWN choices, whether your Son understands them or not. IF he asks about it, tell him it was just a movie you & your Husband were watching- & leave it at THAT. The MORE you make a "Big Deal" out of it- the BIGGER the Deal is going to become- about something that's none of His concern. So relax- & enjoy your Privacy! :)

Answer 6

Regardless of what he did or didn't see, it would be wise to talk to him about sex. I used "How to Talk to your Child about Sex" to get ideas about how to bring up the subject with my daughter, but it may not work for all families. Do some research, but don't put off the talk, as it is very important that you're honest with your son. Be positive about the act of sex, and that it's a beautiful thing to be shared with husband and wife. That way, you're also encouraging abstinence until marriage (or at least with a long-time relationship) instead of promiscuity.

Answer 7

I think its time for the birds and the bees chat. And the "when two married people love each other very much....blah blah" speech.

Good luck, hon. Its awkward but its probably time. Im sure hes heard things at school about sex and knows what it is, but how you interact with him now might have a big impact on his sexual mindset when he grows up. My husband's parents pretended that sex did not exist with their kids, complete denial and the kids ended up lying to their parents, being incredibly promiscuous, unable to ever talk to their parents about sex and having some unrealistic ideas about sexual relationships in adulthood.

Answer 8

Your son's 11? And you don't believe him because you're embarrassed and feeling guilty? Say nothing, he may have been telling the truth. If he was embarrassed, why embarrass him further? He'll be asking questions soon enough, and if you answer truthfully and openly, he'll know he can trust you.

Answer 9

You don't need to give any explanations or apologies. You're an adult, he's not. Forget about it.

Kids walk in on their naked parents having graphic intercourse, too. You don't have to explain that, either.

What you do is answer questions if asked, briefly. If he didn't ask, then he doesn't want to know. And that's as it should be.

Answer 10

I would tell him that this is the perfect example of why we all need to be careful on the internet. Sometimes when you type in a web address and misspell it, it might come up with a site that is of adult content. Explain that you were trying for one site and the misspelling sent you to another site by mistake sending a bunch of adult content pop-up windows.