What do you think of a Christian woman who marries a convicted murderer.?

Question

He is serving a life sentence for stabbing a young girl to death and will not likely get parolled for many years. He has served twelve years already. The crime was committed when he was 18 and now he is 30. She has two children from a previous marriage and wants to have another child with this convict. They both "claim" that they are Christians. They knew eachother from childhood. They went to the same church.

Comments please.

Her family has rejected her because she has made this decision agains their will.

Nina: 1 Cor 13 is the love chapter.
Would you please elaborate a little about how the love chapter applies to this situation.
Thanks (((Nina)))
Blessings
Kait

Answer 1

First this young woman's family is wrong for abdoning her at a time when she needs them the most.

If this woman had no other children, it would be a different situation. In this case, the love chapter needs to be applied more to loving her two existing children and protecting them from a potential threat, than loving and protecting him.

Therefore, protecting her children is the greater responsibility here.

Visiting him in prison, sending letters, care packages according to what the prison allows are fine but to protect her existing children I'd advise against this marriage.

I do believe Jesus can change people's hearts, but a crime of this magnitude cannot be ignored.

I've also led way too many Bible studies in Cook County jail to believe that all jail house conversions are real.

I would advise this women to put her children first and not get involved with this man until we are all in heaven.

Pastor Art

Answer 2

Let's approach this matter from a sensible aspect.

1) He was 18 when he commited the murder. He's serving his time. He's now 30 years old.
a. 18 is very young and irresponsible. How can we judge him when we don't know all the circumstances. Judgment belongs to the Lord anyway!
b. He's serving his time. I know a couple of missionaries who work in the jail and prison ministry and many lay people also. Some of these men/women do truly repent of their sin and accept the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal Savior and turn their lives around. Being 18 is a good age for a chaplain to approach him while he's still remorseful and open to God.
c. He's 30 now. I don't know how long he has professed to be a born-again Christian but I do know that he deserves a chance. Look at the number of times Paul was imprisoned. Do we reject him? What about the thief on the cross beside Jesus the day of His crucifixion? Who did Jesus Himself go to while here on earth ... the already "saved" people? No, He went to the down and out, those rejected by the so-called religious leaders.

Are we not told to have the mind of Christ? We don't know how the Lord will use this man but I trust Him because I know if He has started a good work in him then He will see it through to the end. God doesn't need our help.

Flip side of the coin ....
She has two children. She's a "Christian" also. They've known each other since childhood. Both attended the same church.
a. She has two children and wants more. There's no information on how these two were reunited. Maybe she kept in touch with him throughout her marriage. Explanation of why a divorce. We have no particular background on her.
b. She's professing to be a "Christian" also. She obviously sees something in this man that we can't. I hope she has prayed about the situation and received peace about it before persuing it any further.
c. She has known this man from childhood. I'm sure she knows him better than any of us and would be able to make a more informed judgment call. We do know that they both attended church together. Which tells me he had some form of religious upbringing ... that should be in his favor.

Apparently they have already married. So the best thing we can do is pray that they will allow God to guide them in the path of righteousness. They are the ones who will have to suffer the consequences of their actions. As far as the children, this man is not in their daily lives now and won't be that much of an influence. By the time he is released, these children may be grown and on their own.

So let's not be like the Pharisees and Sadducees walking around judging others while we ourselves are no better than they.

Father, I pray keep us humble that you might use us to lift your Name on high and exhalt You for all You have done for us. Open our spiritual eyes that we might "see" (understand) and gain wisdom from Your Word. Help us to apply Your Word to our daily lives that we might glorify You in our walk before You. I ask these things in the all powerful Name of the Lord Jesus Christ and give you all the praise. Amen.

Answer 3

Did you know that King David ordered the murder of an innocent man so that he could cover up the sin of adultery with his wife Bathsheba?

Did you know that Moses murdered an Egyptian man and buried his body in the sand?

Did God use both David and Moses?

Yes.

Is it possible?
Yes.

Is it probable?
Not likely.

We don't have to agree with the choice she has made. I figure someone who took the time to invest in a relationship with in the prison system was pretty messed up to begin with--that the fruit of their lives will reveal what their heart and motives are.

Unless there are conjugal visits there's no chance for a pregnancy to occur. A life sentence--is his entire life--isn't it?

How would he be released? Is this life without parole or life with the chance of parole?

Most family members of those who are victims of such a murder would always be present to contest such a person from ever being released. I really doubt that this is going to happen.

I'm not sure why everyone felt it necessary to reject her over this particular incident. She already seems like a messed up person to do this--I doubt this was the only reason they had to reject this divorcee who is marrying a convicted murderer. This may have just been the straw that broke the camels back.

Answer 4

If we are truly Christian we are to allow forgiveness and a person to be born again. If we do not allow as sin to be forgiven then we ourselves have not received forgiveness either. It is hard to grasp a sin so great to be included in the forgivable actions ,but a sin is a sin and who would know this boy that turned into a man better than this women. Sometimes God can put someone into our lives to redirect our path that will bring us home to the Father through the what Jesus did on the cross.We can not take away what Jesus did on the cross for this convicted man. We are to understand the gift of salvation and how far the East is from the West. We must be born again to a new creature in Christ.

We serve an awesome God.

Answer 5

hmmm, a difficult question. My first instincts is to say honor your parents, but parents are not perfect. Parents do not always make decision in the best interest of their "ADULT" progeny. Bible tells us not to judge, that is not to arrive at a conclusion without having the facts, just the 'labels'. So what were the circumstances, was he a drug addicted or in some way impaired when he killed this young lady. How as he changed, I do not know all the facts, so in the absence of data I will err on the side that produces Godly fruit. Is this relationship producing Godly fruit in her life or just a disparate bid to stem off loneliness. If it has fruit, the God bears witness, I support her, if it does not, but creates turmoil and confusion, then I counsel her to wait for clarity and direction from God.
Peace.

Answer 6

As a Christian and retired Correctional Officer, this has been a subject for many discussions. It is my personal opinion the lady is an introvert, and has low self esteem. We also found that the women who commit to men in prison feel safe in the relationship as the man cannot cheat on them or hurt their fragile egos in other ways. The women do not know that usually the offender is carrying on with more than one woman and all are sending in money to put on his prison account to spend at the prison store. Rarely is the relationship continued on after his release unless she is the one he has picked to stay with until he has used up her bank account and then he moves on to the next one.

I do not know these people my opinion is based on 15 years of experience with male offenders. Unless the woman was married to the man before incarnation a relationship with offenders is not in the best interest of any one but the incarcerated offender.

Answer 7

Hi Nina, first I'll try to elaborate about the love chapter and sum it up quickly as poss.by saying this situation is not absolete from Love as a matter of fact there is no situation this is .I know it seems like an impossible thing to some.But not for our GOD> And i'm not trying to be harsh but what do you think about a God who sent His Son to die for a murderer,even the same person that actully stabbed Him in the side with the spear He died for them. Having forgave them before they ever asked for it .So this women really poses something that we all need in our lives and that is the Love of God .For what would sent a Son to die for a world filled with sinners,and what would cause a women to care for some one who has caused such pain nothing more than LOVE.Best Wishes>>

Answer 8

Crazy scenario!

The greater issue is whether or not they would be evenly yoked in Christ. Are they both truly devoted followers of Christ?

Regardless of that, Christ saves murderers all the time.

Is a saved murderer any less eligible for marriage than a saved liar?

If the guy is truly saved then what he's done shouldn't matter to her and apparently it doesn't. If they love eachother and want ot live in the context of Biblical marriage then I say they should go for it.

Answer 9

There's no question God can redeem anyone.
Moses was a Murderer.
So was David.
Does it happen every day?
No.
Does it happen to whomever we want, because we want it to?
No.
What would tell me whether this is a mistake or not is the character of the woman. If she's the desperate wishful-thinking type, then, there's trouble ahead. If she's really a woman of God, then God is leading her.

Answer 10

Does God have the power to forgive this man and reconcile him to his life? Yes, God has that power. Does this man deserve to be given a second chance at life? Yes, through God's forgiveness he does. But as humans its hard not to condemn. Where is the wisdom in this situation?
Imagine a recovering alcoholic. Say he hasn't had a drink in 30 years. Yet say he holds a can of bear in his hands every day for another 30 years. He is at a much higher risk of having another drink if he's got a beer in his hand every day. One day he's bound to take a drink. Wisdom would say to put the drink down and stay as far away as possible. Forgiveness stretches as far as the east is from the west...but wisdom knows to keep that hand away from that drink. Temptation is pretty strong.
I admit that I used to drink. And I worked in a gas station shortly after my recovery, selling liquor all day long. I couldn't do it. I caved. I had a drink. Then I got out of there. I needed to seperate myself from the temptation of being near my hands. Now I haven't had a drink in a long time. Yet it still wouldn't be wise to be handling it.
Let us not cast judgment on this man. But let us be wise.