My sister in law has been a solo mum for about 2 years and is struggling to make the bills. She will not take charity, but I know that she is not going to be able to give her 2 kids a good xmas. We are in a position to help financially, how can we get her to understand that its not charity, its just a helping hand to make it a great family time with the kids?
2007-11-13 14:07:01 · 24 answers · asked by sammy5570 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Have someone she doesn't know, that you trust, bring the money by to her in a card when you know she is home. Instruct them to hand her the card and leave right away. Sign it from an angel or angels. She can't return the money if she doesn't know who it is from.
2007-11-13 14:18:06 · answer #1 · answered by ladyfirefighter 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good Christmas isn't reliant on presents. Yes, kids want a few. I was a lone parent for 10 years and we had mostly decent and occasionally super Christmases. Where is your sister-in-law's family going to be on the day? It's difficult to take help when you're having money problems and she does have her own pride. But as has been said you can be generous in your gifts. Just make sure you don't overshadow what she buys her own children with huge, expensive things. That will hurt. Being with Mum and family on the day will be important - perhaps more so - for the children.
2007-11-14 05:19:16 · answer #2 · answered by Boudicca 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello I would talk to her and say I know you are a proud person and I ( or the family) respect you very much for being independent, but we are still family this is not charity This is for the children and we want them on a day that is special to them to have a nice Christmas. Please don't be offended by this.Just this one time let us be good to the kids.You are a good mom so don't deprive the children from having a good Christmas . If she still refuses then buy the kids stuff and play Santa Christmas morning. good luck hope the kids and all of you have a wonderful holiday.
2007-11-13 22:29:54 · answer #3 · answered by Back Field In Motion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to her that family helping family is not charity. Its what family does. Even if she won't let you do anything for her at least try to make her understand that you want the kids to have a good Christmas. Mark the packages Santa. Or if they are too big for Santa then don't mark them at all. They don't have to know they are from you but you will feel better for helping them have a wonderful Christmas. Good Luck!
2007-11-13 22:17:56 · answer #4 · answered by jenk1972 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your first mistake is believing that the kids cannot have a meaningful Christmas without gifts. I grew up dirt poor and the most meaningful holidays were the ones that had no tree and no gifts. If you ask most kids what they got last Christmas they won't even remember. Leave your SIL alone and let her teach her kids the true meaning of Christmas. I know you're only trying to be helpful but your help is not wanted so let her be.
2007-11-13 22:31:24 · answer #5 · answered by blazenphoenix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask he if she can do some paid work for you ie. ironing, decorating cleaning etc, then pay over the odds for great work , or give her an advance on future work , say £200 for the next 2 months ironing. This may help her feel she is not taking charity and keeps her pride, as for Christmas its up to you how well you treat your nephews/niece.......
Pride is a strong emotion, if she has it then let her keep it
hope this helps
2007-11-13 22:18:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister in law needs to get over her pride and think more about her children than herself. You, as family members, have the right to gift the children if you choose to. Tell her that this answer came from someone who never had a decent Cmas as a child and often went hungry because my single mother was too self-absorbed and proud to realize that allowing someone else to do something that she could not do for her kids is NOT shameful. It is generous. Ask the kids directly to make lists for Santa, get them gifts, tell her no offense, but get over it. If she truly loves them, she will be happy at their happiness.
I still remember the crappy Cmases 50 years later...What is the harm?!
2007-11-13 22:16:34 · answer #7 · answered by countess almasy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am unsure if you are considering the help with the childrens toys or are you thinking of the filling of the larder?
You could perhaps purchase a gift voucher at the supermarket or the speciality store. That way she would not have to actually accept cold hard cash. You can only reiterate to her that it is something that families do for each other.
2007-11-13 22:14:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to help your sister-in-law, you can buy useful gifts for her kids not only this Christmas but whenever you feel the kids need something. You might also consider opening separate bank accounts for those kids which they can only withdraw when they start college. I am sure your sister-in-law will appreciate your love and concern for her kids.
2007-11-13 22:15:23 · answer #9 · answered by Belen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe as a Christmas gift you could make a payment or put funds towards a bill such as the heating or utilities, phone, or something that will make her monthly bills a little less. She can't refuse once you have made the avanced payment and she will feel she can afford to buy some gifts and feel like she is buying them herself.
2007-11-13 22:13:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋