i need encourgement?

Question

I know it is so selfish but recently I have been thinking life would be better without me in it. I have so many things going against me.
I have serious depression
Physical pain in my knees and head
I am obese accordinh to the BMI charts.
My husband moved out
I cry alot. Even for stupid stuff.
I dont want to get out of bed get dressed or anything.
I hate going outside..
I have panic attacks (2 this week)
I was denied social security disability today after applying. They made the descion without me even seeing one of their doctors.
I know i am not going to do something tupid i just feel that way.
I would love to go to the doctor and be treated buut I have no insurance and no money. Seriously no money. My husband takes care of the bills and sends a little to help with the kids. I am at a place in my life where I am so low. It sucks when you are uninsured. what can i do?

I have even considered unsuccessful attempted suicide so I can at least talk to a psychatrist in the hospital. But I know I will be sent home with pills I cant afford anyhow.

I have tried applying for medicaid but was turned down because my car is worth to much. It is only worth 9000 and I am making payments on it. Go figure.

Answer 1

WOW!! I am so very sorry that you are going through ALL of this. Trust me, your KIDS WILL NOT be better off without you! Just think of them....do you still have your parents? If not, how did you feel when one of them died, do you want that for your kids? They will be heartbroken hunny....please, you deserve much more than that!! I think that right now, the only way your physical pain is going to get any better, is to help your emotional pain...How about going to your local social services, have you tried them to get state insurance or Medicaid? They should be able to help you if you are not working, and have no insurance. That way you can see a psychiatrist, and see a counselor, and get some meds, and start getting better......Your kids NEED YOU!!!
PLEASE, PLEASE try this.....there has to be an alley you can take for help!!

Please let me know what happens!!

Good Luck
Momma P

May Angels Walk Beside You

Answer 2

I wish I could give you a clear cut answer, but the only one I can give is that if you willingly work on finding a way that you will get there, it just takes small steps (but you can throw in the occasional big step if you like). Congratulations, you have already taken the first step by asking for help. Don't be daunted that there are many steps, just focus on each individual step when you come to it. I have suffered from anxiety in the past, and it has taken years to get to where I am today and I am still progressing. A positive attitude can go a long way, (I never thought that I would be the one to say that). I used to always think the worst of myself to try and beat anything negative anyone else thought of me, I figured if I thought it first, then at least I have known it before others but all that does is surrender to the negative thoughts. I was recently told that the art of living lies in turning a negative into a positive, it can be done. Each time you have a depressing thought, fight it, get tough with it, and the way you fight it is by thinking of a positive moment in your life, and want more positive moments. Think of the things you are grateful for, cherish in the fact that you have the chance to exist. My first steps in my battle against negativity came in compromises, I hated going outside so I found things that I loved to do inside, after a while these activities gave me something positive to think about while I was outside. I was patient with myself, and I think you should be too. Start by creating an arsenal of positive weapons that you can use the instant a negative thought comes along. I wish I could be more precise, hopefully there are things in your life already that you are thinking about that you can use. You can do it, you have the power to do it, be strong.

Answer 3

so, you have a very full plate. and things are VERY VERY VERY difficult. I feel for you.

please do not "attempt" a fake suicide. the stigma that your kids will be left with will be horrible. it will also set a horrible example for them.

look i am going to cut to the chase as a therapist here (and i am a therapist) you have some untreated trauma (or lots of it) from childhood, right? you want someone, anyone to just take care of you. right? and sh*t, you have so many responsibilities - kids, home etc etc and he left you... etc... it is really tough, right? well, the fact is that ONLY you can take care of you. imagine that within you is a little girl. imagine DAILY for 5 minutes taking that little girl out and playing with her, loving her, giving her attention. is it easy for you to love and give attention to your young children (or when they were young?) do this FOR YOU. the long and short of it is that there is noone else that can do this for you. and until you do, your life is lost... were you in my office this is what i would help you do.

for more info
hypnotherapy-psychotherapy "dot" com

Answer 4

Firstly, you need to talk to someone close like your best friend, sister or a counsellor. Once you have got things off your chest, you will think much straighter. Troubles are always in our way but we need to deal with them positively. Sometimes, it seems there is no way out but after some time, we will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Trust me everything will be fine. All you need now is to wait and if you have a religion, confide in Him. Good luck.

Answer 5

Everyone's right...your kids NEED you. They need you to be strong, proud and independent. Instead of crumbling under pressure try embracing it and using it as motivation. Its really easy to just let everything get you down. Stand up to it. Be proud of who you are.
I bet you are a great mom. As William Makepeace Thackery said " Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of little children" You are their everything. I guarantee it.
Finally, get out and get to work. even if its only part-time. Having your ex pay your bills and for the kids is only keeping you isolated and broke. You need to get out, be with other adults and be proud to make your own money. You are still going to have panic attacks in the house or outside so you might as well do something productive in the meanwhile. Every day you step out into the world with your head held high is another day closer to freedom for you and your children. Best of luck. I'm rooting for you.

Answer 6

First thing if you need someone to talk to call 1-800-suicide and they can help.
Apply for aid at the public health clinic. May be a small wait but you will at least be able to get seen.
Try to get exercise to make yourself feel better.
You can always appeal your case with social secruity.
You can also check with local hospitals to see if they offer any classes or group therapy for free.
If you have to file for more child support if you need to.
Get better for yourself and your kids.

Answer 7

Oh man I can Relate. I am almost 30 and married with kids. I have 3. They are the reason I pull myself out of bed. Your kids need you. You maybe need to take to a doctor at a hospital. You say you aren't stupid enough to commit suicide but you want to attempt it. You have the motive you need to talk to someone. I am here if you need to talk. Just click on my avatar and email me.

Answer 8

Go see your doctor asp.Tell her your situation. Pay when you can.You are worth it. You have children to care for -get better for them. Do you live where there is gov't help for mental help? Your dr. can help find out. You wont get better if you dont go to a dr. Is there any family that can help. Dont be ashamed of yourself.....You can only handle so much emotional pain and you are on overload.Please call your dr. Worry about money later.

Answer 9

when i read this it was almost like looking at myself .you are severely depressed and you need help .when you take antidepressants you need to know they are not a permanent fix.do not stay on these too long and almost all cause weight gain.i know it happened to me and i stayed on those pills for way too long! please go seek out help at either mental health or ask to be counseled by your pastor or religious leader.if you do not go to church i recommend that you contact the community service division of your local SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST CHURCH.tell them your issues and see what they can do to help you through this difficult time.do not give up! you are not alone please remember your kids really need you!! my kids make all the difference for me and my grand kids but that is all a gift from GOD who is the greatest and best thing in my life and where my hope is! bless you!

Answer 10

i have been in your shoes. my dad died of cancer after suffering horribly. he was in hospice care, and they only help their patients died comfortably. who cares if they can't eat, or drink, no iv's, etc. i litterly had to watch my dad's body shut down til he died. i was a dady's girl. i sunk in deep depression for 6 years, i had panic attacks in a grocery store i have been shopping in since i was 4 years old, i hated going outside during the day time, i gained weigh, slept, cried, only got up to do things for the kids, laundry, cook, light cleaning, etc.. i was also denied social security. first of all, appeal the denial, they will deny it again after you see their doctors, then you get an retied social security judge for a lawyer. they are in the yellow pages. they usually will take your case on a no recovery no fee basis. when you see there doctors you need to remember not to push yourself to do their tests, or get good scores. you can't push yourself to get through life as you want it now, so why drive yourself crazy trying to score good on their phycological tests. you want them to see how you are daily. as for medical insurance you might quailify for county, or state insurance. call your local social services agency, or mental health care agency for help. get some herbs teas from the grocery store. chaomile, hybiscus, tention tamer, and sleepy time are good to relax you. they will help ease stressful days, and help you stay calm, and maybe not have a panic attack. if you can get on state, or county insurance go to a vitimin / herb store to see what they recommend of depression / anxiety / panic attacks. you need to find time during your day to get at least 30 minutes of sun. the suns rays have vitimins in it, also it is a natural way to help fight depression. i used this time to work in my flower beds, plant seeds in flower pots, and care for my pets. the time goes buy quickly. you need to walk at lease 15 minutes a day also. do it in the house, or at night. i done mine at night. for some reason i felt safe at night, when i didn't during the day time. social security or not you need to pull yourself out of this for yourself, kids, and for your life. slowly i felt better, and my counclor sujested i get a part time job. i worked only 16 hours a week, and built up to 40 plus hours a week. that was 7 years ago. i still have my bad days when everything hits at one time. but i have learn to think of things as dominos. they will all fall at once if you don't deal with them one by one, and put them back in to the box. one thing at a time, take small steps daily, soon you will look back ,and see just how far you have come. if i could do it, so can you. no more excuses, no more saying i'll start tomorrow. you used to be able to function daily, find out why you can't now, and deal with it like the dominos, put them away in the box one by one. go to church to get councilled by the pastor if needed. there is help out there for you, you just have to say enough is enough, get mad at your condition, and just do it. kill the beast (condition) so to speek. you are here on earth for a reason, there is a need for you, get out of this, and serve the purpose God intended for you. it could be anything from volenteering at a senior center, hospital, library, reading to people, the posibilities are endless. start small, and go as big as you like. have faith in yourself. people are waiting on you to be happy again. look at photo albums, and recall al the good times. write a journal daily on your goals for the day, and your progress. just remeber you might have set backs due to a bad day, don't let this discourage you. take care, and be patient, it took awhile to get where you're at, it will take time to get out of it. i believe in you!