A child spit on my 14mo old at the Park - how do you tell off another child?

Question

Was at the Park today with my 14mo old who is learning to climb on the jungle gym. There are always other kids around, so I "shadow" him to make sure he doesn't get hurt. Today, a little boy (3 - 4yrs old?) spit on my 14mo old when we were making our way to the slide. My mouth dropped and all I could think to do was say "that was not nice and please do not to spit." He continued to spit as we turned around to use the swings instead. I was so upset, not to mention disgusted! This is our first child so I have not been through this before. I know there will be many more instances like this to come (kicking, biting, etc.) so I'd like to be prepared for the next time. I didn't want to just walk away without saying anything bc I don't want my son to grow up getting bullied like I was. How do you tell off another child? Especially when they already have a "supervisor" watching them from a distance? Also, what if they don't speak english? What was the right thing to do??

Answer 1

I could be wrong, but if that happened to my daughter I would have yelled, "No! You do not spit! Where is your mother?" and glared at the nasty kid. If he wouldn't tell I would follow him until he ran to his mother, and I would tell her exactly what happened and wait for her to punish him or apologize to me. If they don't speak English....yell at her, get angry, gesture "spitting" and point to her son....she'll get it.

On a side note, I'm sure his mom would be horrified to know he was spitting on babies. We like to think the parents are just like the bully kids....but really they are parents just like us. :)

Next time, head for the mom/grandma/teacher/whoever and let them punish the kid. Don't let nasty behavior go! You owe it to your son, and also the other little kids playing in the park.

Answer 2

Well, it's a catch 22. Someday, and yes even if you have a truly great child and you are a great mom, your child will do something to another child - bite them, hit them, spit on them because it's what kids do and I don't know why or I'd be a Nobel Prize winner!!! - lol

It's ok to tell the kid to stop and then go tell the parent. Some parents/caregivers won't care, or won't speak English and then besides calling the police there isn't much you can do. I think you did the right thing by just walking away, although strangulation would have been more satisfying!!! - lol!

Answer 3

I guess I don't understand why people are advising you not to address the child directly. I think you did fine. I am a strong believer in natural consequences, as in the parents do not need to be the ones to respond to every single behavior of their child's. A lot of children will behave perfectly around their parents and be rotten when they're on their own because they think that no one will reinforce the rules. They need to learn that in the real world, people are going to respond to their behavior whether or not mom and dad are there watching. I don't suggest yelling or anything at the child. I would just say, "you do not spit on anyone, that is as bad as hitting." And it certainly is- what if the kid had hepatitis or something and their loogie landed in my little toddler's mouth? And I would accept the possible consequence of my choice in addressing it, which could be an irate parent. And if my child was old enough, I would hope they would stand up for themselves and say the same and walk away.
And if the kid did it again, then I would ask them where their mom or dad is and talk with them.

Answer 4

I know it sucks but you should really talk to the parent and not the child. As much as I would want to slap that kids mouth what if it was your child and some one was yelling at them. You never know they could be great kids whom just picked up that habit at the park a few minutes ago from another child and didn't see any harm in it. My daughter has been bullied and I have seen where the other mother sat backed and watch. Needless to say we do not associate with them anymore. Good Luck

Answer 5

I see alot of good advice try taking it up with the parent first, however there comes a point that the parent no longer works( for instance) I was at the park with my daughter who was 21/2 and a little boy kept pushing and slapping her I waited for the parent to say something even made a few comments load enough to get the parents attention. When the parent did nothing and the boy decided to choke my 2 1/2 years old I grabbed him by the back of the shirt and told him to get his hands off my daughter!!! when the mother came over I informed her that if he son touched my daughter again I was going to beat her A%$. She took her son and left the park and I never seen them there again.

Answer 6

You did the right thing. The kid knew he was being rude and was having fun with it. His 'supervisor' clearly was unwilling or felt unable to redirect his behavior or discipline him. Unfortunately, this happens all too often, and the best you can do is look horrified, tell the child that they are being inappropriate and walk away from them.

Eventually you may catch your son spitting on someone else's baby (or something equally as mortifying). It's a terrible feeling, seeing your child do something so offensive. Most parents will agree that they'd rather their children suffer a little bullying than be the bully.

Answer 7

Your child is not going to remember this incident. It's not the same as bullying. My children are of the age where it will be remembered, and each of their schools (elementary and middle school) have a zero tolerance bullying policy.

The park is always going to be full of children that misbehave and do things that will be even more than just jaw dropping. You cannot tell off a 4 year old...then YOU become the bully.

You should have just gotten up and walked away with your child after it happened and try the park again another day. Or, wipe your kid off and keep playing. Or, find the parent of the little spitter and try to resolve the problem that way.

You are going to have to learn, as a parent, how to pick your battles. Trust me when I tell you... if you are horrified over this, it gets much, much worse!

Answer 8

Terrible thing !!!. Find some one in the park that speak the same language the care taker speaks. Get the child's parents phone number. Call the parents with a good attitude.You will probably end up being best Friends. There is nothing you Can say to another small child other than what you did say. Parent contact is essential in this case.

Answer 9

that's a really tough decision to make. My 6 year old got kicked at the playground a few weeks ago by a 4year old. My husband looked at the parents and wasn't sure if they saw what happened because they weren't paying attention to their child. So he told my daughter to not play with the boy if she didn't like him kicking her. So they went to the other side, and the 4yr old's parents made a big deal about the whole thing, our child not wanting to play with their child. I do think that saying something to the parents would be the best thing to do, but maybe the child doing the bullying learned it from the parents, as well. You just have to teach your child the difference between right and wrong.

Answer 10

You did the right thing to walk away. It is OK to shadow your baby. He needs your protection now. It will change when he is older. The other child's care giver should have dealt with the spitting. Kids do a lot of disgusting stuff. They don't know any better. It is up to us, as parents, to teach them to be civilized. Next time try not to get upset. There isn't any thing you can do to make other parents teach their children manners.