Now dont get me wrong I love my grandkids. But my son and his soon to be ex are dring me nuts. I take care of the kids except when it is convenite for them to have them. My question is how do I deal with the parents when the kids are starting to treat me like their mother and they really dont care about her much anymore?
They need their mother. I want them to have her but she is acting like she dont care except when it suits her.
2007-11-13 12:00:41 · 4 answers · asked by reginasob 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I've been in a similar situation so I speak from experience. I took in my own daughter and two fatherless grandchildren.My daugher had been very depresssed and lost her job. It was my child that stopped caring for her kids whlle in my home. My grandchildren began coming to me for basic care, for love and attention. Me who had to decide what to do to since their mother didn't want to get out of bed and feed them.
I was in ill health and restricted to bed by the doctor awaiting surgery and my own child would not take care of her 2 and 5 year olds. I was literally so weak I couldn't make the bed without nearly passing out but the kids would come ask me to fix them a meal...Mommy was sleeping. I'd ask her to get up and she'd say she didn't feel well. I'd tell her to get up and she'd ignore me. I asked her father to talk to her but she didn't listen and he didn't want to make things worse for his little girl.
I finally tossed her out on the street in the middle of winter when she called me a bi#$h to my face for feeding my grandson his breakfast when she didn't want him to eat yet. His sister was already eating at the table and the 2 yr. old boy was crying for his food. She was angry because he was responsive to me but no longer obedient to her. She took my grandkids with her to a homeless shellter that very afternoon. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, turning them out, but it was also the best thing I've ever done.
Within a few short weeks my daughter was working again. A couple months later she had an apartment with a roommate. Six months later she had a full-time job with benefits at one of the best companies in the city and actually thanked me for what I had done.
Your situation doesn't sound quite as extreme, but your son and daughter-in-law are asking you to take over their responsibilities as parents. Please do them a favor and make them step up and care for their own children. They're under stress right now, but nothing is more important than their children feeling secure and loved by Mom and Dad. They need their grandparents too, but it's Mom and Dad that are splitting up, and that's who they need to know will still love them after the divorce.
2007-11-13 13:05:22 · answer #1 · answered by AngelBleu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about the so-called adults and concentrate on those grandchildren. You are the one showing them love and affection, so of course they are going to be much closer to you. You can't make her take an interest in her own children. If she doesn't care, it is her loss.
Never talk badly about their parents, but don't let the fact that they are driving you nuts affect how you treat your grandkids. They need you to be a stable influence in their lives. You will get extra points in Heaven!
2007-11-13 12:05:46 · answer #2 · answered by kathi1vee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all, I think it's great that you are still so respectful of your daughter-in-law, and want her in the kids' lives. But you need to explain to them both that you are GRANDMA and you are supposed to spoil the kids and send them home! You raised your children, and they need to do the same. Unfortunatley, when some women find themselves suddenly without their children and husband to take care of, it becomes easier to pretend they don't exist...in that case, you need to help your son get on his feet so he and the kids can move out and move on. Believe me, it only will hurt the kids when it does happen, especially if they have had you as their "mom" for a long period of time. You need to set boundaries- and stick to them- that you aren't a live-in babysitter, you have your own life to live. They need to come up with alternate arrangements for babysitting and carpooling and whatever else they have you do for the kids, so you can resume your normal life.
2007-11-13 12:11:21 · answer #3 · answered by Skiball 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel guilty if those kids love you more than their mother Being a mother is not about giving birth Its about love and caring Your dauther in law was never a mother and chances are highshe would never be Taking care fo those kids were in your destiny dont blew up your mission because you will be on another one who is much harder
2007-11-13 12:16:40 · answer #4 · answered by lala 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋