LDS/Mormons: Do you think that all people who choose to disbelieve in your faith have "fallen away?"

Question

Or do you think that some of them might have "climbed their way out"?

I ask this because many members seem to think that it's incredibly hard to be a Mormon, and that people's natural trend, if they don't work against it, is to "fall away". On the contrary, I think that for those who are born into a Mormon family/culture, the "natural trend" is to follow along, and it takes a hefty conscious effort to climb out of the Church. People who leave the Church tend to do so only after years of "secret doubts" that they were afraid to tell anyone about, after a long and painful internal battle.

Do you think that our culture in the Church suppresses dissent and rewards conformity? What impact do you think this has on many members' perceived testimonies? What can members do to help others realize that it's ok to have doubts?

I ask this question because several LDS have come to me (both on this forum and in real life) with doubts, yet are terrified of admitting them to other members (again, both on this forum and in real life). I think most members agree that it is not good to be motivated to stay in the Church by fear... what can we do in LDS culture to create an atmosphere more tolerant and more forgiving of people's doubts?

Answer 1

I wish I knew. I want so bad to shake some of these people and say "QUESTION IT!!!!" I get really upset with people on both sides who claim to know so much about LDS, but have never looked into ALL of it. And there is more than meets the eye. I totally did. I found all the stuff about black people, and hat tricks and stuff, and i thought i had seriously made a mistake in getting baptized.

But I found out the truth. Sometimes the untruths aren't what they seem to be. Sure, there's ugly stuff there. But there are certain facts, undisputable truths that I cannot deny, and that is when I see the big picture and realize, no, the church is not perfection in a package. it is run by men who are human beings. Human beings are fallible. But it is my church, and I love the things that it does stand for. the real truths, the ones that matter, they are what's important. Not whether some guy a hundred years ago got power and lost his mind a bit. I dont care about gold plates, or papyrus, or ancient ruins. I care about god and his gospel, and this is it. Perhaps the church is not perfect, but the word is. And that's enough for me.

When you think you've looked deep enough, look deeper.

Answer 2

I was not born into the church so I have had a lot of experiences with other churches and I have not seen a church that does not suppress dissent and reward conformity it is not an LDS thing it is a culture thing and here is an example, If you don't like the us armed forces and their actions everyone hates you and you don't know what your talking about therefore your not a good citizen but if you conform and like the armed forces you are considered an outstanding us citizen. Many countries also force conformity on their citizens and if they refuse the consiquences are not pleasurable. On another note I have not seen to many churches where I can say that I need some help doing such and such and have 50 people almost knocking my door down to help. As for having doubts as to weather the religion is true everyone has them it is normal and this is what the adversary wants because it gives him a foothold to bring you down, this is the reason we have prayer and the scriptures so we can learn, grow, and strengthen our testimonies for without a testimony of your own you can never truely grasp and believe in the gospel. I have a testimony and it is a strong one and yes I have doubts just like everyone else, but it is the fear of the unknown and the adversary that creates these doubts. I will leave everyone with this piece of advise, Pray, study your scriptures so you may gain knowledge and form your own testimonies and strengthen them, no matter what religion you may be because if you never gain any knowledge of the gospel you will never know if your religion is true.

Answer 3

I suppose I'm lucky. I'm a convert, living in an area where Mormons are a tiny, tiny minority. Almost everyone in my ward is a convert, or at least child of a convert. Those who do fall away tend to do so due to pressure in the other direction - to conform to the way other are here. Only 5% of Britons attend church, and having such extreme views as saving sex for marriage is considered really wierd. In this culture it is certainly difficult to be a Mormon. Much easier to stop going to church and drift away.

Like any ward we have several less active members, and most of those I know are less active because they found it too difficult to leave their old lives behind when they joined the church. Or they found their calling too much like hard work. Or they did something wrong and don't feel they can be forgiven. I don't know of anyone who has left, or gone less active, on a doctrinal basis. Neither do I know of anyone who has "secret doubts", but then I suppose I wouldn't, by definition.

How does the church reward conformity? By doubling the pay you get for doing your calling?!? I don't think it supresses dissent either; in our ward we have an excellent Sunday School teacher who encourages debate on doctrinal issues that arise from our study of the scriptures. We are encourages to read good books and be educated, and that includes theologically.

Maybe for some in very strong LDS families they need to "climb out" of the church, and it may be a struggle, and may be sparked by doctrinal questions. But in my experience it is simple to drift away due to nothing more than apathy.

Answer 4

I guess I'm the oddball. I never cared about what others thought about whether or not I raised doubts. Even when I had doubts, I always figured the outcome would be that the church was right and my doubts were wrong. One day though, I realized something that made my change my mind in five minutes. I think what made it so easy for me is that I converted in the first place, although I was a member from age 16-24, so all of my friends at the time were LDS. I learned the true colors of many of them at that time. Fortunately, I am still friends with a few good ones :).

Liesel.

Answer 5

Living in a primarily LDS society, many members do conform. I have seen that most of the students at my school go to church, young men/women . . . out of habit, because that is what is expected of them. Very few have an actual testimony. I believe it is people like this that "fall away" (or whatever term you would like to use). People become so used to the "norm" that they soon begin to wonder why they do it. Once they begin to wonder this they realize there really ISN'T a reason for them to because they don't or have never truely believed it. I don't think the church rewards conformity, but being of this faith I know of the joy it brings me and that if anyone in my family left the church I would be very sad that they did so. Many people just have to realize that no matter what they choose, if their family loves them, that choice won't matter.

Answer 6

I think somebody who has completely fallen away turns against it. Many never had a firm testimony to stand on, so they couldn't really fall away. I also think that a lot of the guilt and shame that some feel from the church that helps creates resentments is because of the environment they were raised in and not because of the church itself. Those of us who went on missions knew missioaries that feared to do anything wrong. They felt they had to live perfectly and loathed themselves if they didn't. I actually used to be like that to a certain degree. That type of thinking is not a product of the church, but the home one is raised in. A lot of the wrong choices people make stem from an error in thinking. And as that grows they tend to perceive things as what they are not. Like the girl who always thinks everyone is talking about her. I feel like I am all over the place with this answer. I know I used to live with a certain fear about the church and my place in it. I never would feel good enough. My thinking errors got so bad that I drifted so far away from everything right and true in my life that I nearly destroyed myself. It wasn't until I lost everything that I actually found who I really was. I have no more shame and fear in the Mormon culture. I am who I am. I'm actually a pretty good member. But only because I want to be. I have faced the fears of talking about my doubts and what troubles me. Because I was willing to open up,questions have been answer and problems have been resolved. I think too many have a problem and keep it to themselves because of fear of admitting they are human. And by not letting that go it continues to grow into something else entirely. If people would be a lot more willing to talk about what is going on inside of them, they would feel so much more at peace with themselves. Cuz if you're not being honest with yourself how can you be honest in any situation. I think it takes a lot to admit doubt and question beliefs. I question everything. Not because I am completely defiant, but because I know there is an answer for everything. And if we keep that inside we can't learn and grow. I dont even know if I am answering your question anymore. Hopefully there is some sense in what I am saying.

Answer 7

I think its true that every Mormon has to have their own testimony. I am a convert and have had spiritual things happen to me on the same order that you read about in the books. Yep that clear! I cannot doubt what happened to me in the least. I know for a fact the church is true. I have also studied and when you study with the Holy Ghost as your study companion you then learn how it all hangs together. Oh I don't know it all and still have a few questions that I am looking for answers to but think even our Prophets have a few themselves. In this church you need your own testimony that is for sure. But I suppose you could say that about any religion in truth.

Answer 8

Your question is very good.

Im one who fell away and resigned because I had doubts and had those doubts brought to life. I see things as they are in the church now. Guilt and fear are BIG issues in why members and post members feel as they do.

My family isnt thrilled about me being inactive let alone resigned. In some cases they have stopped talking to me or acknowledging my family and myself simply for that reason.

I know many who have left and still have those "tentacles" pulling at them. It gets in your blood is my opinion. Its very hard to feel one way and have your entire family feel another and not be able to find a way to work through it so that guilt isnt there.

I also know many who feel we leave the church so we can go "sin" and that is complete nonsense. You leave the church and you leave scarred, many of us have and many will. It has nothing to do with us not being worthy enough or having a strong testimony....but the church does leave an impact.

I can honestly, now, see why some consider it a cult because that is the feeling you get once you leave. Takes a long time to heal and completely move forward without letting it creep in somehow.

Answer 9

According to the Doctrine and Covenants (LDS scripture) a person will only be condemned for rejecting their faith (or their testimony) "after having received it." Not everyone who hears the LDS Gospel accepts it, and not everyone who accepts it receives it.

How does a Mormon know if someone really received the Gospel? They don't. Only the Lord can say for sure. For the rest of us, we should treat everyone as the valued children of God they are.

In terms of suppressing dissent and rewarding conformity, please remember that these things are not unique to the Mormon faith (if they even apply to the Mormon faith at all). I don't know of any societies that (for example) reward dissent and punish conformity.

Answer 10

They are people who don't like the strict standards the LDS church puts on its people so they feel better living in a more worldly sense or liberal sexual mores.

Then they're are some people mostly who think the church most other people go to (i.e. Fundy Protestant churches) mostly after living the worldly way and got into trouble and came back to God the Fundy way.

Inactivity in the LDS church is 40-50% in North America but that is more than all protestant and catholic church activity rates.

Ex Mormons for Jesus aren't that many. Most of the anti mormons are people who are Fundy Protestant who are very ignorant of the Mormon church and only know what they have read or were taught about them.