Who gets an "and guest" invitation?

Question

My boyfriend and I cannot afford to invite strangers to our wedding. We want people to feel comfortable, but we don't traditionally invite strangers to our parties and it seems strange to have random people at such a personal event.

We have chosen to extend "and guest" invitations only to those that will not know anyone else at the wedding. Most of our other friends are all close and will cheerfully talk to one another. We will of course invite the spouses of those friends/family that are married.

Are there other possible ways of determining who gets an "and guest" invitation? Do people just blanketly allow anyone to come to their wedding? Are there other formulae for figuring this out?

Answer 1

I think you answered your own question. Since you do not want to invite strangers, you have no obligation to do so. You can extend an invitation to any single friends or relatives and include "and guest" on the inside envelope to anyone you like. There are really no rules on who to invite, it is all up to the bride and groom and who you are close to and what your budget is.

Answer 2

Everyone you invite who is single gets an "and guest" invite. It is rude to do otherwise. (unless they are under 18 - then it is a judgement call) When my husband and I were dating his uncle invited only him and his brother to the wedding (me and my sis-in-law were not invited) We weren't married yet but we were together for 4 years and my bro-in law was together 6 years at the time. It was incredibly rude, especially considering it was his nephews and it was basically known that at some point in the future we were all getting married. These guests aren't random people, they are the significant others of your family and friends. They are taking time out of their lives to go to your wedding & to celebrate your marriage. You should treat them with the same respect and courtesy they are showing you - suck it up and give everyone a guest.

Answer 3

Really simple formula. "No ring, no bring".

If the couple is not engaged, married, or living together for a very long period of time they don't get to bring a date. (Unless it really is like your 20 year old best friend and she'll be the only person that age in the room).

Unless you are prepared to deal with constant phone calls about how Janie gets to bring her date but Joe doesn't you need to enforce the rule uniformly (and that's how ettiqute says to do it anway). Then there will also be the calls about how rude it is your second cousin who is "family" got left off the list so Janie could bring her stranger whom you've never met. At the wedding there will of course be a handful of people who want to "stand up for their rights" and will bring their dates regardless of what you tell them and when you complain will point right at Janie and her date. Picking and choosing like that with such a gray area is going to cause alot of griping by guests and a big headache for you. If you are willing to put up with it well---it's your wedding and your money being spent so invite who you want.

Don't worry too much about how many people each guest knows. I realize that their comfort is in your brain which is awesome...but weddings are a social occasion in general and people will talk to each other on their own.

Answer 4

Generally everyone over a certain age (for my wedding it was out of college or living on their own) should get an "and guest" if they are alone on the invitation. I think the better way to save money and limit numbers would be only to invite people close to you. That way, at least the strangers will be those who are close to your friends and family and not just kind of close coworkers or acquaintances.

Answer 5

Everyone of age gets an "and guest" invite. Weddings are basically boring and you need to have someone there with you of your choosing. You need to cut down your list so the ones that you do invite can bring someone with them. I have never heard of a wedding where some people get to bring guest and others don't.

Answer 6

i dont know.. i dont think it would be right to allow only the people that dont know anyone to bring a guest.. you either allow it or you dont.. also.. what if one of the guests that does know a lot of people there has a bf/gf.. will u not allow them to bring them? i dont think thats polite.. i know that if i had even just a boyfriend, i wouldnt want to go without him to a wedding.. what i think you should do is find out every person that has a bf/gf and get their full names.. and invite them with their name on the invite and place card.. no "& guests"... that way no one will be like why were they able to bring a guest and i wasnt.. just put all the people that dont know anyone, together.. so that way no one will feel uncomfortable.. make sure at that table no one knows each other... adults no how to get to know each other!

Answer 7

If the person is in a long term relationship (longer then a year) then they should be able to invite their significant other.
Look at it like this, you want to know the name of everyone you are inviting. If you know the person you want to invite is in a long term relationship for 2 years, then you should call them up and ask their name. If you feel awkward about asking what that person's name is, or if they can't give you an answer (because they recently broke-up so they are thinking of who else they can invite instead), then there is no reason to invite "and Guest."
If this upsets anyone, tell them that your sorry, but due to space and budget limitation you can only invite those who are close to you.

Answer 8

My first impulse was to answer "Only those people named 'and guest' get an invitation addressed to 'and guest'" LOL. You are perfectly correct that it's not the smartest thing in the world to spend you wedding budget wining and dining people you don't even know. But I see a problem with your plan. If you send "and guest" invitation to "people who don't know anyone else" these very single people are going to feel pressured to scrounge up a date, ANY kind of date. So there you are, providing champagne for people that only do YOU not care about but even the guests who dragged them along don't particularly care for them either.

Call these single people and ask them "Is there someone special that you'd like me to invite for you?" If they are in a relationship, they will have a name and address for you instantly. If they aren't, and try to hem and haw and get you to allow to just bring along whoever they happen to dig up at the last minute, head them off with a "Well I'm so glad to have at least ONE single man to dance with all the single women. What a relief!" (Or a single lady to dance with all those single men.)

And no, you don't just allow your guests to choose a guest of their own to entertain at your expense. This is a pernicious myth fostered by The Wedding Industry in an effort to inflate guest lists, thus selling more stuff. Weddings are for people whom you know and care about.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Any of your single friends should get an and guest invite. From the sounds of it, all your friends will bring like people.