My fiance has two sisters, who are very conservative (and judgemental). We moved in with each other (before we decided to get married), and so from then on, they called us names (even to our faces), ignored us, and wouldn't even let their children, who we are very close to, come over to our house. We were dating for almost 8 years before we moved in together, and I personally don't see anything wrong with that. My fiance and I just decided that it would be best to not talk to them, at least until they apologize for their childish behavior. Well, this is the first Thanksgiving that none of us have spoken, and I was just wondering what we should do. I know they really don't care to hear from us (being sinners and all!!!!), and I really don't see us being close with them ever again. What should we do?
2007-11-13 09:43:00 · 11 answers · asked by erica0129 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I also wanted to say that we are choosing to not go to his sister's house for Thanksgiving. They really like the drama, and we just want some peace and relaxation on our time off.
2007-11-13 09:49:02 · update #1
I also wanted to remind everyone that these are his two older SISTERS. His parents don't even really care that we are living together-that's the crazy part!!! we still have very close relationships with both my parents and his parents---it's his older sisters that are acting so harsh.
2007-11-13 09:56:15 · update #2
I've been married 25 yrs and my mother-in-law STILL thinks I'm bad because we lived together a year before we got married. The aren't going to change their minds. I have a brother-in-law who is evil and we have just had to finally make him disappear from our lives (although they live fairly close) -- it took over 20 years to do that but life's been a LOT less stressful. It's not worth the turmoil. Trust me!!
2007-11-13 09:48:48 · answer #1 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it's unfortunate when family members take on the role of God like this, it can be very upsetting having a wedge that spoils all the family get-togethers. But there are a lot of families who have nothing but tension and arguments when they are all together. I would not ignore them if they spoke to me - I wouldn't wait for an apology - judgemental people generally never believe they could be wrong. There is no need for you to be the ones to approach them - or go out of your way to be friendly, but there's no reason why you can't be civil and pleasant if they are the same to you. Some people come around with time and it is best for your own sakes, to try not to bear grudges.
2007-11-13 17:55:29 · answer #2 · answered by ozinnz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've already made a decision so why are you asking for an opinion now. Its sounds like you want us to agree with your decision more than really give you advice. Everyone one has their own belief system and there is no one correct belief. If in your fiance's sisters' eyes you are sinners well there is nothing you can do to change that. Similar you believe that they are being childish for behaving this way and there is nothing they can do to change your opinion. If you don't see yourself being close well it will both sides losses and the loss of their children and your future children for not being able to get to know each other.
2007-11-13 17:53:31 · answer #3 · answered by Michael K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is really between your fiance and his family. Putting yourself into the situation is only going to inflame things. Your fiance made the decision to live with you and they are his family members. He certainly can't change their opinion, and they may tell him to stick it, but at the very least he can tell them something like the following:
1) He loves them. He won't stop loving them even though they continue to disparage him and his choices.
2) They are an important part of his life, as are their children.
3) He realizes that the decision to live together with you prior to marriage is something they do not approve of and do not want their children to see as acceptable.
4) If they feel it is more important to judge him and remove themselves (and their children) from his life, he will respect their decision even if he does not agree with it. They are family but they are also adults who have the right to make their own choices, including the choice to shun or wall out a member of their own family, if that is how they feel this situation is best resolved.
5) He would hope that they could share a final Thanksgiving together before they make any decisions.
This would be drastic. It's an all-or-nothing play, and they could simply ignore him altogether. But there's something suspicious about their behaviors, as you've described them. It's one thing to simply flare off at one time, but continuing to harp and rebuke a family member for something like this is just plain destructive. It may be best for him to realize he is better off not having them poisoning the relationship he has with you and hope that his nieces/nephews grow to make their own decisions about him as they get older.
2007-11-13 18:03:03 · answer #4 · answered by CarinaPapa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are parents and have a right to decide what is best for their kids. Living in sin as you say it, is apparently something they don't want to condone, and that's fine. What's not fine is their calling you names and ignoring you. You can't change their behavior, its on them.
Have thanksgiving and enjoy yourself, this is their problem not yours.
Oh and I would invite them. I wouldn't make it easy on them. You've done nothing wrong if these are your standards, and you have nothing to apologize to them about. Be aware that usually the most judgmental of people are the ones who are them most guilty.
2007-11-13 17:52:38 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're right on track by choosing to stay out of the drama. They sound like the kind of people who live for opportunities to express their own self-righteousness, so the best way to get back at them is to deny them that opportunity.
I think the ball needs to be mostly in your fiance's court to deal with his sisters. You've made the decision not to spend this Thanksgiving with them, but you have the rest of your lives to deal with as well. I wouldn't let them force you out of the family - I would continue to attend family functions, and if they get confrontational, either just walk away, or come up with a very mild response - like "Please do not call me names." You aren't going to change them, but you can work on your own reaction to them. But as I said, if this gets out of control, it's up to your fiance to deal with his family.
2007-11-13 17:56:39 · answer #6 · answered by LawMom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are having Thanksgiving with his family (as in his parent's house) then just ignore them. Be thankful if they stay quiet. If not, you can still ignore them.
2007-11-13 17:47:10 · answer #7 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You all should sit down in a public place because it would be neutral ground, and tell them you and your fiance don't appreciate their childish behavior and see if you all can make a mends.
2007-11-13 17:49:12 · answer #8 · answered by zoey1176 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everybody is different and have their own opinion. The time will pass and all this one day will be forgotten. Right now no matter what you will be sinners and they will be mad and will stay mad until you guys decide to get married. Respect them and life your life.
2007-11-13 17:49:29 · answer #9 · answered by nana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send them a card and enjoying staying home and drama free. Happy Holidays!
2007-11-13 17:51:57 · answer #10 · answered by Katie T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋