Was I wrong to say this to my mother-in-law? part 3?

Question

To tell her more beyond that after she apologized 3 times on the phone was too much.

I backed my wife 100 percent something she failed to mention that. I told my mother she was wrong numerous times and to understand my wife was correct. The thing is that I didn't know about the quoted sentence till yesterday and my mother kept saying she didn't like how it was stated. That is what I'm upset about. She held that from till now. All this time I have non-waivering on who I backed. I am still there saying she is write but I have to say I don't like the words she used.

She could have worded different. I think that would have not caused this rift. And with this rift she hasn't told you I see them only 1 once every six weeks. The birthdays and holidays help but I don't see them any more becuase of the ice between them both.

Am I wrong for feeling that way?

Everyone who reads this read this part first: Was I wrong to say this to my mother-in-law? I responded by writing: Was I wrong to say this to my mother-in-law? part 2 and part 3. Thanks

Another thing my mother has admitted her mistake and apologized three times during their conversation.

Answer 1

People realize this...If you insult your children or your spouses mother, father, or any family member ....you are insulting them ..,.It is a personal dig to them...your spouse and your children ...they are the product of them ..If you dislike aspects of your spouses family GET OUT they are them!

Answer 2

You can post your side on yahoo until your reach part 99.

You and your mother need to grow up. I can not believe that
in a time of being angry you never said anything that showed your emotions at the time. We all know your wife was angry and you feel she was right. STOP with the bologna that you don't like how she said it. It wa 5 months ago. She could have said a lot worse. In seeing how you and your mother behave I am surprised she hasn't divorced you yet. No one wants to have a battle on there hands 24/7.

Again I will tell you, people who focus on how it was said only do that when they are wrong and need to be right all the time.
I see once again another mother in law is able to cause so much unnecessary drama. I am sure your mother is happy that your fighting with your wife over this. Maybe you will luck out and your wife will leave you. Then you and your mom can spend the day doing each others hair.

Answer 3

I am pretty confused I treid to read all three questions and I think I understand what is going on.

If you are the husband, I would say that you should urge your mother to try to smooth things over with your wife. Explain to your mother that since she is older and--in theory--wiser...she should understand that her daughter-in-law was upset, she was worried about her child and does her best to be a good mother and as a woman who has raised children (your mother) could be a little less cavalier about the concerns your wife has and she could say something like "I am so sorry that I did something that stressed you out. I didn't mean to upset you and I would never intentionally disrespect you--I realize that I was out of line I just wasn't thinking..."

Sure, maybe your wife was wrong to react and say whatever it was she said or how she reacted but the bottom line is that your mother set off the chain of events by doing what she did and she should be the one to do a little cleanup.

You can prep your wife for the apology from your mother by saying that "You both could have handled it better but she knows she was wrong and she wants to apologize so, for the sake of the family I am asking if you will please hear her out and put this behind us?"

Good luck. That tension between mothers and daughters in law is impossible.

Answer 4

Stick with your wife
Its not ur mother in law u married and after all, your wife and her mum will probably patch things up along the lines, if you had said you backed her mum you would have only got abuse from her and probably her mum (not backing up your wife is a weakness in many peoples eyes)
If your really unsure and feel she should know how you feel just mention it to her gently, that rewording how she puts things might encourage people to think of things differently, in her point of view.
Your not wrong for feeling that way because afterall we all know people can put things harshly, rudely or aggresivly and the WAY we say things is ALMOST as important as the THINGS we actually say.

Answer 5

Your feelings are not wrong but you were wrong in getting in the middle of your wife and mother inlaw.
I've been married 3 times and divorced the same and I have only done that with the first one.
the best thing you can ever do is tell your wife and mother inlaw that you will not be put in the middle of any arguement that they are having.

Answer 6

I can understand your wife being upset BUT SHE NEVER should of been so disrespectful to you mom.

That is what cause the rift. Actually they are both in the wrong and should be adult enough to work it out.

You should not have to take sides. Your mom should admit to making a mistake and your wife should apologize for her lack of disrespect.

Answer 7

Thanks to everyone that posted answers to our situation. My husband and I have been at odds since it happened.
For him because she has been a hair stylist for 20 yrs what she did was not "that bad" because she always flat irons hair. "If she's been doing it so long she must have known what she was doing." I don't feel that way. She may have done it all her life, but how many 8mth old's hair has she done?
The reason I know he did not address the situation in the appropriate manner is because he did return with a picture on the camera for me to see. When he showed me the picture all he said was, "Look at what my mom did." No frustration, no anger, no disdain. Just calmly like it could have happened on any given day. I took a moment, fed our son dinner and put him to bed. Then I went downstairs to where he was and asked him why did she flat iron his hair, the answer I got was something as childish as "She said she was bored." Then I asked where was he at the moment. He said not there.
Yes he told me that he asked her why she did it and told her to wash it out right away; no more..no less. That for me was unacceptable. I told him in no uncertain terms that I would be calling her the next day. He never said don't call I already said something to her, in fact he sat there playing Xbox and said absolutely nothing at all.
I was very calm when I spoke to her, I did not come off as angry black woman, there was no cussing, fussing or even voice inflection. I was at work and handled it better than I thought. I was just a parent wanting to let someone know that certain liberties you simply do not take with other people's children. Even though she tried to lie in the beginning I still remained calm.
Since the incident I have been to her house one time. She treated me like crap and I let him know. I saw her also just 6 weeks ago at her in-laws. When I walked thru the door she rolled her eyes, turned her back and faced the sink and wall. I told him that too. At our son's 1st birthday he and my entire house full of guests noticed that she had an attitude because she had to be here. I have invited her for other events and she refuses to show. My husband keeps saying that we need to work it out but I have extended the olive branch on now 4 or 5 occasions. How many times am I supposed to be the one receiving that slap in the face? Yes family is family, but his family has changed now. Because I have been the bigger person over and over when I had to see her it's time for him to tell her to grow up and stop acting like a scorned child. My son was the victim in all of this not her.

Answer 8

its their problem not yours... you love them both and its important for family to get over it and not hold grudges.... treat each the same you always have and let them work it out

Answer 9

nah. your not wrong.