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I posted this earlier. Anyways, I actually had my long lost aunt telephone my "biological father", and I spend about 5 mins or so talking to him. It was very akward like I was talking to a complete stranger. He said he wants to get together and meet or for me to continue calling him if I ever needed or wanted to. My sister said to invite him to my graduation. It's sad to say but I feel like it wouldn't even matter if this person were to show up or not. He hasn't been in my life now and don't know if I could just accept him in and say he is my father. Anyone been in this situation? Has anyone built a relationship with their father after so long and it worked. Don't want to waste my time knowing him so want input. Thanks!
2007-11-13 08:29:00 · 7 answers · asked by Txgirl23 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
During our conversation he mentioned that he was a young guy back then and did too many mistakes and his mom kept me away from him etc etc. He said he thinks of me everyday and has me in his heart. I wanted to say well that's strange cuz I never think of you or even know you! I guess I wouldn't want to be wondering the rest of my life either. So we'll see??
2007-11-13 08:36:48 · update #1
My father lives in a different city which is about 45 mins away from where I live. My moms cousin just happened to marry my father's nephew. My cousin has been talking to him about us all the time and sharing pics etc. I never really felt the need to talk to him cuz I am happy where I am right now. My aunt started it because her daughter was at my work enrolling to go to school. We met my coincidence. IF you ready the previous posting you will get more info about the situation.
2007-11-13 09:33:49 · update #2
It's understandable that you'd feel like you were talking to a complete stranger when you spoke to your biological father, he is a stranger to you. You need to recognize that it's OK to feel that way and accept that if you decide to move forward with any kind of a relationship it will take time to get to know each other. Whatever relationship you may establish, it might never feel like a traditional father/daughter relationship...only time will tell.
It's also OK to feel angry that your father wasn't there for you growing up. It couldn't have been easy for you or your mother. From what you said there may have been some interference that kept your father away in the beginning. This may account for some of his absence. It might be worth exploring, if you choose to open that door.
In the end it is up to you to decide if you are willing to take a chance. You're curious or you wouldn't have called him in the first place. You might find it worthwhile to give him a little more time to share his side of the story. Get to know who he is now, even if who he was then isn't that great. He may have grown up a lot over the years. If it turns out that you don't like what you find, walk away knowing it was on your terms. The most you have to lose is your anger and resentment at not knowing about your father. If it works out, you might just gain the father you've always missed.
2007-11-13 09:00:35 · answer #1 · answered by AngelBleu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My daughter is your age and hasn't seen her dad since she was 2 (she doesn't remember him). I have lived in the same area and have always been listed in the phone book. He has never tried to contact any of us.
Why did your aunt call him? How did she know his number? Have you been in the same area? Did he have anyway to get in contact with you (through a family member)? If he had a way to contact you, then why did it take your aunt to get this all going? I would question all these things if I were you. If he really thought about you everyday, he would have somehow gotten word through the grapevine instead of waiting for someone to call him.
I wouldn't invite him to your graduation, that's too soon. Give him your phone number or email and then give it time. See if he keeps in contact with you. Take it slow, see if he sticks around for the long run. That's the advise I'd give my daughter.
Best of luck to you.
2007-11-13 09:13:21 · answer #2 · answered by HappyMom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do what feels right for you.... I wouldent want to invite him to anything important like your graduation just yet, thats too much and you dont want to feel uncomfortanble at your own graduation. (congrats by the way)
The sticky things about these situations is that he *is* a stranger.... so ask yourself this, if you cut off all contact will you forever be wondering? Maybe you owe it to yourself to at least meet him a few times and try to get to know him, you can always cut off contact later if you do not feel comfortable.
I dont know why you have not been in contact with him but some of these dads are just jerks so just bear in mind that some hurt can always come of these situations but so can some love and happyness, so tread carefuly and just be awear. Its a bit of a gamble but it might be one you have to take, for yourself?
Just ask yourself what you want, your heart will tell you.
x x x
2007-11-13 08:34:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The Bible says to honor thy mother and thy father. It don't put stipulations on it like just the ones that was there for you. I understand that he was not there all of this time but its never too late. Pray and seek the Lord. He can change the whole situation and give you the father you always dreamed of. Don't give up on him yet. God Bless
2007-11-13 08:43:17 · answer #4 · answered by Angel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you know the reason he was never around?
Have you gotten his side of the story or just your mom's?
I think you own it to yourself just to sit down & talk with the man & find out why he was never around. Then you will have some answers to questions you have always had, & I know you have questions, when something like this happens there are always questions of why.
2007-11-13 08:35:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
in the journey that your Stepfather is as large as you say, he will in all possibility propose you going to ascertain your bio Dad. you're able to desire to ask the 0.5 brother who nonetheless sees him to act as a pass between and discover out in the journey that your bio Dad would opt for for to ascertain you? i does no longer get my hopes up for a protracted term satisfying relationship, besides the undeniable fact that, you're able to desire to discover some delight in seeng him returned. If he's reluctant, do no longer press the area. you have for sure achieved nicely this a ways, and could proceed to no rely if he should be a area of your existence or no longer. sturdy luck.
2016-10-02 07:11:06 · answer #6 · answered by delilah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are very normal and so are his. I don't know if I'd invite him to your graduation unless you have spent more time getting to know him first. It would be uncomfortable for your family as well as for him. How about going for lunch and talking for a bit? Don't rush things
2007-11-13 08:45:36 · answer #7 · answered by kana121569 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋