Gift giving etiquette?

Question

I'm in a pickle with my assistant for the holidays. I've distanced myself with her for the past 3 years because of underhanded remarks made by her by prying into my personal life. According to her I am always making bad choices. For example " Buying and selling our home at the wrong time, using the wrong brand of something, my child isn't a genius like hers, etc. I want to keep my private life private and stick to business, but every year she sends my son a $50 US savings bond and it looks like she is going to do it again since she just asked me for my new address "in case she wants to send something." Obviously she doesn't get the hint and now I feel obligated to give her something at the same value despite I give her a $30.00 gift certificate and cookies for her family. I know she is hurting for money with her husband out of a job. What is the polite way to handle this?

Can't talk to her about the weather without it coming into my personal life with this lady. I think she buys these big gifts to redeem herself at the end of the year with me with all the gossip she spreads and its quite uncomfortable to accept these presents

I am not friends with this woman. For me it's a work relationship ONLY. She has told me in the past that she buys expensive presents for her kid's teachers in case he gets in trouble at school, they will remember the gift and pardon him. The gifts are bought out of manipulation, not sincerity and she wants me to hush with her expensive gifts when she walks in late, take several 30 min breaks and talks on the phone (long distance). This is all wrong, but I have brought this up with management and nobody is willing to deal with this because she is a foreigner and she is very likely to sue for discrimination even if she was let go for legitimate reasons. I have no support in this situation. Believe me, I am looking for another job.

Answer 1

Tell her that you think it is very nice that she wants to send a gift, and you appreciate all the bonds she has sent your child, However, you know that her husband isn't working this year and would like her to use the money she would normally spend on your child to buy her child something. (also, I think its time for a talk about office etiquette and keeping personal issues out of the workplace...)

Answer 2

You are not obligated to give anyone anything. I would just send her a Christmas card and maybe a gift certificate to a restaurant of 20-30$ if you fell like it. If you send her a Christmas card with nothing in it, it might get her the hint, and she will stop it.
I would also speak with your human resources and see some advice form them and tell them that it makes you fell uncomfortable!
Good Luck, I would still keep your distance because you give her an inch she will take a mile.
You just can also be polite and accept the gift and keep your distance as well, and giver her nothing by cookies and a card.
For me it's not about gifts, it's about the reason for the season.

Answer 3

Wow...before I directly answer the question, I have to express my complete shock at her behavior!!! I am an administrative assistant, and would NEVER have the balls to tell my boss that he had made bad choices, even if I believed that he did! That would be sooooo none of my business, and even knowing about his personal choices is more info than I need to know!!!

Your assistant will probably need your address...I know I need my boss' home address on occasion.

I think you should clarify that it's time to stop exchanging gifts. If she's short on money, then perhaps she should just hold on to the $50 that she was going to send to your son. It's really okay to make this "management decision", with no guilt. Then, if she gives you a gift, you can simply give it back, and say that it's against your office policy.

Answer 4

Why would you continue to employ an assistant that you can't trust and who makes such negative remarks to you? Doesn't make sense to me.

When I worked as a manager the people who worked for me treated me and the other employees with respect or they were asked to transfer to another unit - period.

If you don't want to be associated with the woman then don't give her a thing. Before the holidays come explain to her that while you have appreciated her generosity in the past you think it would be best to not exchange gifts in the future. You don't need to give her a long explanation - just state your business and be done with it. If you still recieve a savings bond or something in the mail - bring it back to her, thank her for the thought, and remind her that you would rather not exchange gifts.

You are the boss, right?, act like one!

Answer 5

I suggest you have a chat with her and let her know that you feel a little uncomfortable about extravagant gift giving (the $50 is a off kilter for co-workers).

If she still gives this gift again this year, gently return it to her.

If you feel you must give her something, why not a pair of movie tickets for her and her husband to enjoy.

Perhaps suggest you take her out to lunch, or both go out for lunch, (a vey good restaurant) something along those lines to celebrate the season.

Steer the conversation away from personal family matters (for both you and she) and focus on interests, books, news items, films, etc.

Good luck.

Answer 6

you're actually not obligated ever to grant a huge present. in case you intend to attend the marriage then i might only supply something small/much less high priced on their registry or 50 greenback examine in a intense-high quality wedding ceremony card. My mom feels a similar way as you. I actually have a relative getting married for the third time (all his marriages have lasted in basic terms some years or much less!) quickly. My mom hopes we are actually not invited and would not plan to attend if we are invited. She already has suggested to me that she would be waiting to not purchase him yet another wedding ceremony present with the aid of fact 3 weddings is intense for one guy or woman. 2 weddings ok yet not 3. tremendously in the event that they're interior some years aside and he by no capacity seems to artwork on the marriages till now quickly getting divorced. i might say the two RSVP no and don't attend and only mail a marriage card with not something in it. OR attend and supply a small quantity 50 to seventy 5 funds in a marriage card. in case you attend you're eating foodstuff they paid for thus i might supply a small examine or present so which you do not look rude or such as you do not care. in case you are able to not have the money for to grant something then do not yet you run the prospect of different kin thinking you have been rude to attend and not supply something.

Answer 7

You know what a $50 savings bond costs her? A couple of bucks.

Send her a nice Christmas card like everyone else, and leave it at that.

Don't take her remarks personally. She's probably trying to make up for the fact that she's an assistant.

Answer 8

As you know they are in a pickle, and the relationship has not managed to stay separate from personal--I'd mention it to her.

Something along the lines of I know you are in a difficult financial position and I know that you usually get my son something, but really it is not necessary. If she gives it anyway, I honestly would suggest giving it back graciously and telling her it is just too much for you to accept.

Or if that appears too harsh for you, get them something useful. I don't know what gift certificate you normally get them--but if its a spa or something trivial--consider a gift card to a grocery store or Walmart. Something they can really use.

After a business relationship has spilled over into personal, it's very difficult to close Pandora's box again. Consider just enclosing a nice word in your card about how you wish them luck getting through this hard time in their lives.

Answer 9

It's ridiculous to be still friends with her. Tell her it's best she doesn't send you anything. If she asked why, tell her you don't want anything from her. It's vital you don't give her your new address.......the only way to get away from her. Don't give her your new contact numbers either.

Answer 10

I would buy a present for her kid.