How do I approach best friend about who is in her wedding party?

Question

My best friend (we talk almost every day) is getting married next October - they recently got engaged and I know that I was one of top 3 people to get the call the next morning about their engagement. I'm a little irritated/upset/heartsick that she hasn't asked me to be a part of their wedding party. How can I ask her who is in her party?

Is she waiting to figure things out? I know her sister is her maid of honor but I thought at least I'd be part of her bridemaids since I've been one of her closest friend for over 5 years.

Answer 1

The wedding is October? You have plenty of time before you should be upset. A lot of brides wait until closer to the big day before selecting a bridal party. After all, friends change. Who you are close with today may not be the same person you're around all the time in a few months.

Even if she has chosen her bridal party, you shouldn't be upset. I'm sure if she's such a close friend, she has a wonderful excuse.

If I were you, I'd casually bring up the topic of the wedding, ask if she's chosen the venue, flowers, etc, and slip in a question about the bridal party. You may get an answer without putting her on the spot.

Answer 2

Alot of factors go into such choices. From the grooms stand point If Ive ony got three guys on my side that limits the bride to three.

She may be obligated to have sisters as her wedding party. Additioinaly whether you have kids, the time, proximity to do the work of bridsmaids is also an issue.

If your really her friend...I mean really...then you should not only ask, feel comfortable about asking, but also share your dissapointment if not picked.

You do have the responsibility to suck it up and support her anyway.

Additionaly need to consider the chaos/ lazy factor...in that some things may not be decided.

You might ask....do you need any help?

Answer 3

Sweetie, don't worry. She IS going to ask you. Right now, she's caught up in the excitement of it all and is thinking of the larger things like flowers, venue, her dress,e tc. She's probably just having fun looking at bridal magazines!! I didn't start thinking about the bridal party for a while because I wanted to get the big things nailed down and deposits paid. If you are truly her best friend, then you shouldn't even have to question this. And it shouldn't offend you no matter who she has or doesn't have in her wedding. It's HER wedding and it's not about YOU or a reflection on you at all. Really....it's always amazing to me how the "best" friends are ALWAYS the first ones to make their friend's wedding all about THEM and what they are and aren't getting to do.

Answer 4

You could simily ask hey who are your bridesmaids going to be? There is no harm in asking. Than she will either say well its these people, or well i know who my maid of honor is, my sister, but im still trying to figure out who the bridesmaids will be.

But dont come straight out and ask hey am i going to be in your wedding. Someone did that to me and i look at them like they were nuts to ask to be in my wedding. Not that we werent friends it was just that it is suppose to be an honor to be asked and i had already asked all my bridesmaids.

So i would just ask one day when you are talking or hanging out hey how are the wedding plans coming? Have you decided who your bridemaids are going to be?

Answer 5

I personally wouldn't ask. Maybe she and her fiance have decided to have only one person on each side so wants only her sister (one of my two best friends is getting married soon and this is what she decided to do). There could be many reasons why she hasn't brought it up. She could have another best friend in another city and is trying to decide who to ask (this will be my situation - two best friends in different cities who've never met).

Just wait to see if she asks. And if not, it's not necessarily because she doesn't want you or doesn't consider you to be a good friend, but there are many, many reasons why she may not have asked.

Answer 6

I would just wait it out. I just recently asked my bridesmaids. I waited about a month and a half until i asked them. Brides should never rush to their decision. I had a lot of decisions to make before I asked who to be in my wedding, I have to marrow it down to only 5 girls (if it were up to me i would have had 10 girls). It was hard for me because i didn't want to upset who I wasn't asking. Give her time and once she makes her decision, be understanding. You don't want to make her feel even worse.
Good luck.

Answer 7

You don't! This is about her not you. Give her time to figure things out, and even if you don't get asked, offer to help in other areas. A wedding is about the Bride and the Groom, and whatever they want. Be a friend to her by being supportive in her decisions about her wedding, and give her your blessing.

Answer 8

Just ask her, hey so who is in your wedding party. That is what I did with my best friend, and she said you silly.

But if she wants a small wedding party and has other people in mind don't be hurt if you are not in the bridal party. I'm sure that whatever happens she will want you involved, she may have something else in mind for you.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Speaking from experience it sometimes is hard to choose bridesmaids. Often who you think is your best friend, may not necessarly feel the same about you. No bride wants to hurt any of her friends feelings, but she needs to pick the people she feels closest to. So don't ask be polite, be her friend and if she does end up picking you feel very proud and blessed.

Answer 10

there are weird things that happen when selecting a bridal party. family crawls out of the woodwork, and if your 3rd cousin, Lucy, asked you to be in HER wedding, you better invite her to be in yours. so, she may want a small party and its full of family, or she may not have made the decision yet. i would wait until January-ish and then ask her if she hasn't said anything yet. make sure its a casual convo, though, or your going to do the forbidden....UPSET the BRIDE!!! Good luck!