My Boyfriend's Father (Stepfather)- Tell me how to cope with his attitude, what to say, how to react???

Question

My bf and I have been togther for a long time, we live together for 3 yrs with his parents & his other 2 brothers. Him and i love each other very much, but his father hates me, in fact he always swears at me, screams, pushes me around. If i cook something he will appreciate me for 5 min and than go bk to his old habits. He doesn't respect me, he says i don't do mch around the house but i study and work all day long and so tired in the end, that i cannot stand on my feet at the end of the day. My bf says that his father is just like that all his life, and i shld simply comply and always say "yes" while being obidient. For now he says we cant move out, we shld move out later in about a year and have all the probms solved. Our mutual income is $10000CAD but he says we can't afford to live on our own. I am not sure if he is protecting me or he is never ready to move out. I feel misarable infront of his dad, but he says i have to cope. I askd him to talk to his dad, but he says it's useles

Answer 1

Your boyfriend is right to say it's useless to try to talk to someone who obviously has a long history of being verbally and physically abusive.
Your boyfriend is wrong to keep you in this situation.
You are right to recognize that you are taking abuse you shouldn't have to take.
You are wrong to stay for the sake of your relationship.
Let me elaborate:
Talking to the stepfather as an "intervention" is no solution, the stepfather is not going to all of a sudden change his behavior in his own home just because somebody points out to him that maybe his behavior is bad. He's a bully. Your boyfriend is not going to be able to "enlighten" the stepfather and a light bulb all of a sudden come on in the man's head that miraculously changes his bullying personality.
You date someone in order to determine if they will make a good life-mate for you. Dating is a prerequisite to determining if this person is "the one". You aren't really wanting your boyfriend to talk to, or confront, the stepfather for you. Deep down inside you know that would be fruitless.
Your instincts are telling you that your boyfriend should be doing a better job of protecting you, his girl, from something bad. Your instincts are telling you that your boyfriend is asking you to tolerate something he shouldn't ask you to tolerate. So because he is asking you to stay in this bad situation, you are asking him in turn to take a stand and defend you because deep down you have a natural NEED to know he is a better defender. You are hoping that if he tries to "solve" the problem while living there he will eventually realize the only solution is to move you OUT of the situation, and you are still waiting and hoping for this. Whether it's that he's truly unable to, or actually unwilling to, be a protector, provider, and defender of the woman he loves..... either way he's not measuring up and one more day of abuse is one more day too many for any girl to tolerate in order to stay with a man she loves.
As an adult, it is now your responsibility to care enough about yourself that you REMOVE YOURSELF from a situation that is emotionally harmful and stressful, and unacceptable on many levels. If your boyfriend thinks living with an abusive person is okay, then leave your boyfriend right there with the abusive person. Perhaps he needs to learn to respect and care for himself more first, before being responsible for a loved one as well. If he is unable to care for you without subjecting you to the abuse of another person, then he is not ready to be anyone's boyfriend. Period. I know this hurts, but deep down inside you already know this and you are ignoring your instincts. If you stay, your boyfriend is not the only one letting you down, you are letting yourself down as well. THAT IS NOT AN OPTION.
Good luck!
Monica

Answer 2

How long are you willing to be treated with this disrespect, and how long is your boy friends going to allow this to go on? It's time to make up your mind to move out, even if it is into a sleeping room somewhere. You will be treated this way, until you stand up for yourself. Your boyfriend will treat you the same way, once you move out, because he has seen you take it, and take it without standing up for you. Sorry to say but you need to get away from that family, and get some self respect along with some freedom.

Answer 3

You need to move out. Move out on your own. You can afford SOMETHING if you are working. share an apartment with a girl friend or call a homeless shelter even. You are being verbally abused. Your bf is just used to and expects you to take it, too.

Answer 4

he's only desirous to have some area to do his very own element, devoid of feeling like he's obligated to proportion all of his time with somebody else. this could be every person, a mom, a sister, a chum. all of us ought to have our very own time remote from others to do our very own soul-finding and thinking, or only trouble-free doing not something. women are outfitted to be in relationships greater effective than a guy, and want that closeness. some women have a female chum to fill that want; as a married lady, i be attentive to my husband would not want to be my chum 24/7 so I actually have a acceptable chum that I talk with on the telephone, and one that i bypass to her abode and gossip with. It makes our relationship greater acceptable whilst my husband and that i do connect back. He additionally has his time on my own, including Saturday and Sunday with NASCAR. permit there be area on your togetherness....

Answer 5

Hi i lived with my ex his bro and his mum then i had kids well it wasn't great before the kids came well i left when my little one was 2and half
it not easy but you can do it. It won't get better!!
Get out get somewhere to go

good luck

Answer 6

Tell your BF to get off of his duff and get you two a plce of your own.