My mother in law drives me crazy. She has caused many problems between my husband and I and has dragged my name through the mud. My husband and I have been on the rocks with our marriage and we are deciding to work things out.. Because of this - i want nothing to do with his mother.. she is a major player to our problems so i want her away from me. Friends are telling me i am selfish because the holidays are coming up and i will not allow her in my home because she has caused me so much aggravation... am i wrong?
2007-11-13 05:49:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are not wrong. Anyone who comes between you and your husband and causes problems in your marriage should not be allowed in your home.
Your husband needs to man up and realize that you are his wife and you should come before anyone else.
2007-11-13 05:59:37 · answer #1 · answered by LB 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I know how an aggravating mother-in-laws can be. Mine is extremely hard to deal with. One thing that I have learned over the years though is that you have to let your husband deal with her. You are married to him and not her but unfortunately they are connected and always will be so on some level you will always have to deal with her. What I mean about letting him deal with her is if she does or says something that makes you upset you need to tell him and let him approach her. I suggest that approach because if he upsets her she will get over it. If you upset her it just increases the tension that is already there. I dont think that it is unfair for you not to want her at your house if she is the one that is truly causing the problems with you and your husband. But I do think that you need to try and tolorate her sometimes because that is his mom. Try to think how you would feel in his shoes if it were the other way around. You may want to go to her house for part of your holiday celebration or maybe somewhere public where you can make an exit if you start to feel the urge to get out of the same room with her. Some mothers feel that the relationship between their sons and daughter-in-laws are a threat to the relationships that they have with their sons. Try to figure out why it is that she acts the way that she does. Maybe she needs reassurance from your husband that he can be her son and your husband without diminishing his relationship with her.
2007-11-13 14:08:29 · answer #2 · answered by yakisquaw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have one of those MIL's too, but I always tell myself that I'm married to her son and not her. The good thing about my situation is that my husband knows the way his mother is and we don't let it get in the middle of our marriage. I stay away from her, but I NEVER tell my husband that he can't go and see her. I don't ever want him to resent me if something were to happen to her and I never let him see her. That wouldn't be fair. I don't make my husband choose, because I know that he's happy at home w/me and our kids. But he knows that I won't go to her house because we always have to pretend we like each other for the sake of my husband. And I think it's best that we just don't pretend and stay away from each other. It seems to be working so far. As a matter of fact, my marriage has been better since I stopped seeing her. My husband understands completely why I don't like visiting her; she's evil.
2007-11-13 15:06:24 · answer #3 · answered by Ann 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends if she really is the problem, or you are the problem. After all, we only have your word for it.
Either way, if your trying to work things out with your husband i don't think banning his mother from your house over the forth coming holidays is going to help much, do you?
Shes not going to go away, whether she is a total cow or not, your just gonna have to try and grin and bare it.
2007-11-13 13:55:02 · answer #4 · answered by Widgi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For Pete's sake! Quit blaming your mother-in-law! Geezzz I don't understand why some adults can't take responsibility for their own actions.
It sounds like you are trying to start over. You should include her in that too. I'm sure you are not completely innocent in this situation.
Why do so many daughter-in-laws just have to blame everything on the mother-in-law? At some point you have to grow up. Yes you are being selfish and immature if you truly want to work things out.
2007-11-13 15:30:37 · answer #5 · answered by proud grandma 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In real life, wives come and go but a person has only one mother.
Are you going to make him choose between you?
Get some couples counselling and set the goal of a harmonious holiday with the counselor. A neutral third-party can help you find a solution that is best for everyone.
2007-11-13 13:55:19 · answer #6 · answered by CYP450 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, I don't think so. I tried for years to get along with my mother in law. She just didn't like me. I don't know why exactly, she just didn't. She was always nice to my face but talked serious crap behind my back.
I am one of the few in the family that worked, took good care of my children, didn't drink and didn't use drugs or end up in jail. I think she didn't like me because I didn't need anything from her and didn't ask her for anything. Also because we were in a position to offer to help others etc.., which she wanted everyone dependent upon her.
My husband and I separated and she did alot of bad things to me and said things to my children etc.., and put them in some bad situations, when they were supposed to be with their Dad.
When we got back together, I told my husband that I would no longer have anything to do with his family. I would not go to their home and they were not welcome in mine. He could take the children but only for a few hours and not once his family was drunk and fighting.
In retaliation, he said that he would also then not spend time with my family. He did have some reason. I told him fine, I didn't care one way or the other. Eventually, he caved in and did start spending time with my family but I was adamant about what I said and didn't give in.
This did lead to some tension in our marriage. We did end up divorced and I guess his family and this arrangement had a small part to do with it.
2007-11-13 17:32:17 · answer #7 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you are not wrong. I am going through the same thing.
You feel better when you are not around her. You want happiness in your home, not drama, lies and stupidness.
Just do what is best for you. Do whatever it takes to feel good mentally and physically.
If this means getting her out of your life well that is what you have to do.
Good Luck
2007-11-13 13:56:01 · answer #8 · answered by Trying to help 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes, u r wrong,try to find out y she is behaving like this and try to please her and treat her as u treat ur mother and see the changes,try to remove all misunderstanding between u 2.U will get all pleasure in ur life.
2007-11-13 13:56:41 · answer #9 · answered by prahlad d 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i see your point but dont take the holidays from her. She wants to be with her son so if you take that away your sinking down to her level. As far as marital problems. try not to get so upset. and dont listen to what she has to say. obviously shes not a good person so you just need to realize that and move on. just dont go down to her level.
2007-11-13 13:55:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋