how could she say that to me, my grandma!?

Question

i am from britain, and well i wen ton holiday to pakistan a while back, and u know what its like back home evryone wants to marry teh british girl.
they all ask for 'rishtaa' and naturally i refused any offers considering my age!

so this family came, that particularly stood out to my grandma, and my parents asked me , and i ofcourse said no (sorry people, but a freshie!! noway), my grandma kept saying there good people etc etc, and when i said no she said to my dad 'they're your kids u can make them do what u want, if u butter them up' and now back in england when ever i phone she trys to set me up with peopel for teh future, normally people who she has a use with..... and she just phoned and im realle peed, how can i make her leave me alone!! i feel much resentment towards her , i know i shouldnt but i cant help it.
my parents or i cant really disrespect her cuz shes older but what can i do? i try to avoid teh phone where possible but i just answered it so, isnt it gainst islam

lol!! if i only i coould give those answers... the woman forgets im now only 16... iave a whole life ahead of me with study and stuff, i dont wanna tie myself down to soem randomer!

lavender: NOWAY!! THATS SO YOUNG... I WONT CONSIDER anything until 21

Answer 1

Lolz I feel for ya sister!! Oh I'm so glad those days of rishta offers are over for me!! Alhumdulillah!!
Look sis, when I was going through that stage, people would come and ask for rishta, I would let my mum know my answer beforehand - NO! lol. Until one day Alhumdulillah the 1 rishta that I wanted came, then I agreed. I believe it was the will of Allah SWT.
Just think of rishtas in this way sister....if Allah SWT wills it to happen then it will happen. If not, then it's not for you to worry about!! Be patient with your gran, I know and understand that these elder ladies can be annoying when they try to fix you up with a guy but as I said, if Allah wills it will happen. If it's not in Allah's will then no one can force you.

Edit - 16? you're lucky! Lol. I was only 14!!

Edit again - I wish you all the best sis, InshaAllah may Allah SWT bless you with a wonderful person to marry and may you have a very happy marriage! Ameen. (when the time is right of course!! you're only 16 yet!)

Answer 2

It is a big no no to disrespect elders according to Islamic values. I can't give you a Pakistani answer. So Ill give you a Arab American one. In my and your culture marriage is done earlier then in the west. For it is a mortal sin to have premarital sex. And to prevent this there is marriage. Also instead of marriage at your age what I see Arabs doing more and more often is getting engaged young and starting a deep relationship and marrying when done with college and stuff. Not just Muslims by the way. There is a Syrian Christian in my school and she is engaged, just your age too. I would tell your grandma. I understand that it is in our culture and Islam to stay pure. And I want you to trust in me that I can do this without engagement in marriage. I will, inshAllah get married to a good Muslim guy in the future. When I have my education and stability.

Don't take this lightly. You MUST finish school. If you don't you will be worthless without a man. And that is un-Islamic. You must be able to be a independent girl. And want marriage. Just stay Muslim and Pakistani, what more can your grandma want?

Answer 3

your grandma probably thinking that if u wont marry now, u will be left unmarried for your whole life and that happens in pakistan too. but your age is not to marry, wait atleast 2 year, other is your personal choice. in Pakistan most of the girls dont chose who they marry, if they will, they will said, oh Look his/her daughter chosed a guy for herself, how shameful. in your grandma time, a girl and guy wasnt allowed to see each other before marriage and it still alot so i guess its better, photos works somewhere. and for your kind information, pakistani 97% dont follow islam, they follow their culture when comes to marriages. they forget islam which gives personal choice and freedom. we r taught that respect elder and we do, we r taught to respect parents we do but this thing has given people a view that do whatever parents/elders say and this is wrong too. on the other hand, sometime younger guys and girls make such stupid things that then i dont blame elders. lol i am giving u a lecture but i am much against of pakistani culture ;). any culture which take personal freedom and happiness is not a culture but a jail ;)

the advice i give for u is that be nice/respect to ur grandma since she is ur father mother i suppose. but at the same time, tell ur mom/father that u need time and u have to study more. i hope your parents understand and i wish u best of luck and be aware of pakistani rishta looking for british nationality and not girl.

Answer 4

I know what u mean...thank god i never had to face anything like that while i was that young, man that is way too young. i even think 21 is too young but i suppose it all depends on the inidividual and whenever they feel ready

I know how resentful a person can get towards their family for being backward...yes it is against our religion to force anyone into marriage unless its your decision and thats the one that counts...not your grandma's.

Sadly in pakistan people follow the culture more than the religion and in some places girls dont have a say in who to marry, its all down to the family and their happiness.

Your gran is not likely to change...best thing to do is to avoid her and when u cant do that...learn to ignore her..she may never stop hassling you but she will get the message.

You could try being polite and get her respect your views, but i doubt she will listen

Answer 5

O cool!! ur from britain so u must have those cool acents. DO people say chip chip cheerio and rubbish alot? Sorry alittle hype here.

You dont hav 2 marry someone u dont want to

Answer 6

yes your grandma is old that is why she is acting like that, it is said when one gets old he/ she becomes again like a small child. so just listen to her of what she has to say, atleast u will make her happy that u are listening to what she has to say, but dont act upon it, you are still very young. yes long time back girls used to marry at a small age but now its different, u still have like about 5-6 years to go.study hard and become something.so simple. just dont hurt her pls. otherwise u will get gunnah

Answer 7

well u have the right to reject it, but ur grandma is much older than you, she has much more experience in life than you do and can make much better decisions than you, so i'd say u have some respect for her, theres no age limit to marriage, my bros 19 and gettin married next year, infact, its recomended that you get married at a rather young age so you dont risk getting invovled in any type of sexual relationship before marriage which btw is haram

Answer 8

tell urer grandma HANGIN IN THEIR HITTY JUST 5 MORE YEARS XD BY THE WAY RUX IM REALLY SLEEPY LOLZ but seriously i just think u should ignore what ure gradma s saying i mean no one can make u get married at any age

Answer 9

just leave it to your parents cauze they think the best of us and yes i had accepted my rishta in the age of 16 and i was 17 when engaged and thats not too old event cauze now i am 18

Answer 10

I agree with you,
But the Prophet (saw) married Aisha (raah) when she was 9.

You get to choose when and who you want to marry . . . that is part of Islaam.

You should just be respectful to your Grandma and turn her down respectfully until you are ready to get married.

Hope I helped . . .

Ma'a Salama.