So I had a friend in my wedding over a year ago and she was a pain in the BUTT!! She got engaged a last march, she called me and said " You have one year to look the way you want to look in a bridesmaid dress for my weddding." I was 7.5 months pregnant at that time. So I know that is what she meant, but that is how she "asked" me to be in her wedding. To make things worse, I have never even MET her fiance and she is planning on having her wedding Memorial weekend next year which will be my daughters 1st b-day and the ONLY time we can have my side and my husband's side of the family all together to celebrate. She has only seen my daughter 1 time since she was born 5 1/2 months ago and I haven't even talked to her. She hasn't mentioned the wedding recently, so I am hoping she forgot that she asked me because I just can't be in it....if she does bring it up or call me about it, how do I say sorry no thanks??? HELP PLEASE!!!
2007-11-13 03:55:05 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
When she "asked" me, if you call they way she "asked" officialy asking (that was a lot of asking)...i didn't say YES....she just said that!! I didn't give her a reply. Yes that is the ONLY weekend we can do the first b-day party because being the holiday, people (family) will be traveling to come to the party, as on top of that, it will be at my cabin an hr away from home since that is in the middle between our house and my inlaws home. She has not spoken to me one bit about dresses either that is why I figured maybe she just nixed me from the wedding party or forgot about me...my girls had their dresses like 8 months before the wedding, with the exclsuion of her. She waited till the last minute, I ended up making the appt for her to try on the dress, then I had to pay for it cause she told me about 20 days before the wedding she didn't have the money for it. Also, she did not show up to ANY of my showers or the co-ed combo bachelor(ette) party!
2007-11-13 04:41:11 · update #1
Just call her and tell her I'm sorry but I can't be in the wedding, and let her know that it's not a good weekend for you either. Give her your blessing and be sure to send her a card for the wedding. Honesty is always best, that way she knows and you can feel better.
2007-11-13 07:28:14 · answer #1 · answered by RAZMATAZ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, she has not forgotten that she's asked you to be a bridesmaid. Waiting till the last minute to tell her you won't be one will hurt her far worse than telling her now. Also, if she's counted on you all that time to be there, her fiancee would have had a groomsman to escort you lined up as well. So some girl is going to have to buy a dress at the last minute, and that's not fair to her.
My advise: Tell her the prior obligation of the get-together you've already got planned with your daughters first birthday, and that it's the only time both sides of the family will be together. Then say the same words in your question. No thank you. Be polite, and wish her the best.
2007-11-13 04:06:53 · answer #2 · answered by Mnementh 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
quickly. You want to do this as soon as possible so that she still has time. After all, you've let her think you would be in her wedding party for 8 months now. The wedding is in 6 so if you go ahead and tell her asap she will have time to replace you.
As you have not said anything for this long, I don't think a simple "no thank you" will be appropriate. But I would sit down and have a face to face with her. Explain to her very politely that you know she has a lot of expectations for her bridesmaids and with all that is going on, you don't feel you can perform your duties. You'd love to be there but with having a child so young, you don't know that you can dedicate your time. Or mention family obligations--as Memorial Day is when all the family usually gets together.
Does this really conflict with the birthday party? After all, weddings don't usually last that long or they are late at night at a time not acceptable for a 1 yo's party. If you tell her that, she is going to wonder what your real reason is. After all, you've known for a while that your baby was going to have a birthday on that day. And she may not require that much of you--financially or emotionally. Be prepared that it just MAY ruin your friendship. Usually backing out of someone's wedding causes extreme rifts that cannot be mended. After all--from her point of view, she donated her time and bought the dress for yours. Now suddenly--in just a year-- you don't want to do the same.
However--you have never even met her groom so I think it's perfectly ok to explain to her that you just don't feel as close as you once did. Tell her that having never met her groom, you don't feel its acceptable to be in her wedding but end with how you wish her all the luck and happiness and that you are sorry you won't be able to attend, due to circumstances. Good luck to you but be prepared it may end the friendship.
2007-11-13 04:04:06 · answer #3 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
lol.. well she def didnt forget that she asked you.. this is her wedding.. silly! would you forget if you asked someone to be in your wedding? well anyway.. i would call her now so that she doesnt make any plans around you being in the wedding.. she probably has already asked the correct number of guys to be even.. now she will probably have to find another girl.. you should have politely declined when she "asked" you to be in her wedding.. since whats done is done, if you def cant be in her wedding, make sure you call her today! i would tell her exactly what you told us.. it is perfectly acceptable to decline.. however, it seems like your "friend" will not be too happy with this so just be prepared for an ended friendship.. it doesnt seem like its that big of a deal, though, since you rarely even talk to her.. your daughters 1st bday is a big deal.. and if that is the only day you can have it... and not the weekend before or the weekend after.. then i would just tell her the truth.. not the part about her being a pain in the butt though lol
PHANTOM: i agree with most of what you said except for one major thing........... hahahahahahahahaha you must be a male.. or have never been in a wedding.. you said that weddings usually dont last that long and that if you tell her its cuz of the bday party then she will know that is not the truth... WELLLLLLL you are very very very mistaken!!! if a wedding ceremony starts at the LATEST 4pm (which again i say is the latest!) you have to start getting ready AT LEAST by 10 AM... my wedding starts at 1 pm and i am starting at 7.. my girls will start at 8.. to get their hair done at the salon, get there makeup done, get their children ready.. to be at my house, ready, at 11 to take pictures and help with my dress.. trust me.. if you are even going to a wedding.. let alone.. BEING IN a wedding.. it is IMPOSSIBLE to have a bday party.. let alone a 1st bday party.. for your child!! it is just insane for someone to think that that is possible.. so that is a perfectly good reason.. AS LONG AS.. she can not possibly have the bday party the weekend before or after the actual bday!
EDIT:
o my gosh.. she never showed up to your shower??? thats crazy!.. my shower was 2 sundays ago and 2 girls in my bridal party never showed, never called.. i nixed them from the wedding real fast! after hearing that, my suggestion now is to assume that you are not in the wedding.. if she DOES call you about getting the dress, politely say, "what do you mean? i am in the wedding? o my goodness, i am so sorry, i can not do it.. my daughters 1st bday is that day.. wow im sorry"
2007-11-13 04:13:35 · answer #4 · answered by Tiff Tiff 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Simply tell her that unfortunatly the same weekend as her wedding you have a family affair that you are obligated to attend and that you will not be able to be a maid in her wedding. Your daughters first birthday is more important than a sometimes friend. Also if she argues, tell her that since she had not contacted you ....you were not clear on her plans and at this point yours can not be changed since family has scheduled their vacations from work on this week. Sooner the better.
2007-11-13 05:55:37 · answer #5 · answered by Lillianne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would play dumb if she brings it up again - "oh, I thought you changed your mind about that since I haven't met your fiance or talked to you about dresses or anything and its only 6 months (or less than) away. its really not a good time of year for me b/c of family committments but I really hope to make the wedding and/or shower"
2007-11-13 04:08:03 · answer #6 · answered by hitchnj 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be polite and honest. Tell her that it will be your daughter's birthday, family will be in town, and as much as you would love to be part of her special day, and it was an honor to be asked, it just will not be possible, but you love her and wish her and her husband the very best.
2007-11-13 04:04:47 · answer #7 · answered by skydiva 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know that your daughter's birthday conflicts with her wedding and you are going to need to decline. If she gets upset, it doesn't sound like her friendship means a lot to you at this point anyways, so oh well!
2007-11-13 05:29:56 · answer #8 · answered by kimandryan2008 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just be blunt with her. Explain to her that while her big day is important to you, the timing just doesn't work out for you. Tell her you'd be glad to help out where you can, but you will not be able to attend the big day. The longer you wait to address the topic, the tougher it will become for her to find someone else to take your place.
2007-11-13 04:52:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. Simply say as you have here....."sorry, but I have already made plans for a big first birthday party for my daughter with my family and my husband's family. Thanks for asking, though, and I wish you the best!"
Simple as that!
2007-11-13 04:04:29 · answer #10 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋