Do you think my baby girl will hate me if i tell her my fiance is her dad?

Question

Ive been with my fiance since i was 3 months pregnant. He has been there for her birth and all. Her dad has called 2 times when i was pregnant and none since shes been born. He is a massive drug addict. Do you think shell hate me if i let her think thats her dad then explain when she gets old enough to understand. If so please give me some suggestions!

Answer 1

Don't lie to the child.
Let her know that you made a bad choice in a man and had sex outside of marriage. Let your mistakes be a lesson for her.

Answer 2

My brother was in a very similar situation about 10 years ago. He met a woman with a 1.5 year old little girl and her biological father was nowhere around. My brother dated her mom for a short, very short time before marrying her. The bio. father was then arrested and charged with murder and in prison for a while. This little girl didn't know any different than that my brother was her daddy and we were her family. Well, she started asking why did her baby brother have a different last name and why was she the only one with the last name of ______, and so on. Well, when it was explained to her, she was about 4.5, maybe 5 years old, that her biological father was in jail, she decided that she wanted the last name that the rest of the family had. (She always called my brother daddy, but knew something was sorta different.) My brother wanted to adopt her so bad for a long time, but wanted to wait until she inquired about it, which, with the last name thing, really didn't take long. She is now 15 and my baby's godmother. It was the best decision my brother ever made and I am still so very proud of him for stepping up and filling another man's shoes!!! Unfortunately, my brother and her mother are no longer together, but because he adopted her, he does get visitation, and alot of it. He is actually trying to get full custody because she has been having serious issues and was in a halfway house for a little while.
I don't think she will hate you at all, but I really think that you should think about this at every angle, especially if adoption may come up in the future.
Good luck to you!

Answer 3

You have the option of your fiance adopting her.
I do not think she will hate you. You can explain when she is older that you had to do what was best for her. You have many years to figure out what you will say when the time comes. I have 2 girls who's bio dads are not around and my hubby is the only father they have known and will ever know unless they chose to seek out bio dads whe they are old enough. They have both (11 and 8) asked me and I told them the truth. I am open and honest, telling them what I know when they ask. The oldest has asked maybe 4 times and the youngest only once.

Answer 4

Telling the truth is always good. But that truth must be told at the age 6 or after that with all precautionary measures like we do something in computer with precautionary measures such as Anti Virus, Firewall etc. You are saying that she is a baby girl. What she can understand? In this age, your fiance may behave as a good father and make her to love him. This will reduce your effort. If you have an idea of living or continue with him, you must take her to films which contains similar subjects, you must tell her the stories which explains similar situation. You must think honestly how you can justify your past situation and tell her indirectly first and then directly. Tell her that life must be formed in the basis of good and justice.

Answer 5

Don't lie..but don't spring something on her either. It's best to start telling the truth when she's old enough to understand a little. Then it won't be such a shock later on. Just do things gradually over time, and it'll all seem natural. You don't need to go into details about your ex being a loser. I hid that fact from my son for a long time until he was too old to keep it from him anymore. Call him by his first name when you mention him so she doesn't get insecure about having another "daddy" out there. I know it would be great to just forget about this loser, but the fact remains that he's her biological parent, and that fact will eventually surface. Better to prepare your child for it in advance. There's more than one way for kids to have positive male role models in their lives. That's ultimately the important thing that's going to help her grow up whole.

Answer 6

I think if you wait till she is old enough to understand that anyone can be a baby daddy..it takes a real man to be a father, than I am sure she won't hate you, but I don't think it's something that you should keep from her her whole life until one day her dad does show up and now she is confused on why YOU lied. SO just explain to her when she's old enough to understand I guess

Answer 7

You should never lie to your child especially over something so big. Explain to your child that your fiance loves her and would like to BE her dad. Do not tell her that he is. By no means would I bash her real father in front of her. Simply say "right now your real dad is unable to be the dad that you need and (insert name) loves and cares for you and would like to be there for you" lying to her is the worse thing you could ever do. She will be bitter and hold a lot of things against you not to mention be completely devastated that the man she thinks is her father really isn't when the time comes that you tell her that he is in fact not.

Answer 8

She would never get mad at you... If you explain to her at an age that she could understand he is her Daddy not her Father (big difference between the 2) she will understand and see the difference...

(anyone can be a father it takes a special person to be a dad )

I am currently single and not goin back with my babies father and I will do the same thing when I get the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. =)

Answer 9

I feel your pain as a mother. I am a single mother of a beautiful 4 year old daughter. Her biological father was in and out of her life during the first year and a half of her life. He got into drugs and it got really ugly. He was eventually caught and put into jail. I don't talk about her biological father because I don't want my daughter to be affected mentally until she's able to understand the situation better. I have a fiance that she calls uncle. Right now in pre-school she asked that her uncle be her daddy while she's in school and they talked about it, as long as she's ok with it, it was ok with him. Her father figure was a concern for me. She has came to call my daddy, her daddy. She knows her biological father when she sees a picture of him, but I try and stray away from talking about him or seeing him. She's only 4 and in my eyes she's too innocent to understand what's going on. I don't bad mouth him, I just stay away from the subject. I think it's all on a base to base decision if you want to talk about her biological father. As far as telling her about your fiance, it's good to talk about it so she understands whats going on and tell your fiance to talk to your child about it too. It helps when you communicate so they get a better understanding of what is going on. Good Luck!

Answer 10

If you explain that a "dad" is more then DNA. Explain that this man that loves her and helped to raise her is her real "dad" since he was there. She may want to know about her birth father later, but she will love your fiance for loving her unconditionally.

Answer 11

You should deffinatly tell your little girl to call your fiance dad,Hes probaly more of a dad then her real one, just explain to her when she is older.She'll probaly feel sad,but just make sure she knows she is well loved,you can even have your fiance officialy adopt her as his own, and all have the same last name.