wedding or no wedding?

Question

hi,
i'm a 25 year old woman, engaged to a 42 year old man, we both were married before, now the question is, we are getting married, but he does not want a wedding, he just want us to go to court alone and be married and that's it nothing special, but i want a wedding, although, i want it to be very very simple, any dress it doesn't even have to be white, a little cake, photos for memory, and i'd like our very close family like parents to be there, is it ok, or is it because i was married before, and i had a huge over the top wedding, then i'll look ridiculous to have another wedding?

what's more important to me, is to have photos of this special day, and i feel like he is embarrassed to invite family he thinks he's old for a wedding, he's not a teenager celebrating his love, he wants it to be hush hush..

Answer 1

Something small and in good taste is in order. I agree that something over the top is inappropriate, as you both had done that before. Remember that you have to be considerate of your friends and family and is in poor taste to do a big wedding again.

If I was you, I would compromise and do something right in the middle. You can have JOP wedding with a small reception for family and close friends only. 25-30 people tops. Get a pretty cake, a simple bridal dress (no train, veil, beading), no wedding party, no showers (no-no for second weddings), absolutely NO bridal registry. People will show up with gifts anyway, but do not expect them or request them, it would be in poor taste to do so.

Have a champagne toast and some appetizers and celebrate your marriage, It will be lovely.

Congratulations

Answer 2

I was married twice. The first was an over the top wedding, the second was a small intimate, family only ceremony. Overall, I actually enjoyed the small ceremony more. Remind your special guy, that the wedding can be more like a small party or even just a simple ceremony followed by a dinner or something. It is to celebrate your love and commitment to each other. It is not silly and it wont make you look ridiculous in any way. If he really loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, then he should be able to come to some compromise that will make you both happy.

Answer 3

We just went to a couple's small justice of the peace ceremony -- they invited maybe a dozen people. The groom wore a lovely suit, the bride wore a gorgeous blue silk cocktail dress. The ceremony was quick and the groom's sister is a photographer. She took photos at the courthouse and then we met up at the newly-married couple's home for an intimate brunch. The family are all wonderful cooks and made special dishes and the sister of the groom took lovely photos of the family and friends out in the backyard against the autumn leaves. The couple has lovely photos to remember the day, memories of an intimate gathering of loved ones, and didn't have to go through the stress of a big celebration. I'm sure your husband-to-be wouldn't be averse to an intimate gathering of close family and friends and save a big celebration down the line for anniversaries.

Answer 4

There's nothing wrong with having as many weddings as you can handle. What you're suggesting is a reasonable compromise - a simple ceremony with just your family there. It's understandable that he doesn't want the whole big poofy thing, but a small and meaningful celebration isn't too much to ask for. Does he also not celebrate Christmas or New Year's because it's for kids and teenagers? A celebration is a celebration, doesn't matter how old you are.

Answer 5

Whether you marry in court or have the full big white wedding it is still a wedding, the actual ceremony is the wedding, so either way you choose to marry you still get a wedding. The reception and all the frills are not necessary, the way you have described what you would like sounds lovely. Many people have large second weddings, it is not ridiculous

Answer 6

I personally don't understand this concept people have of only being "allowed" one wedding in their life. So the first one was large... so what! A large wedding led to an unhappy marriage. A small one will lead to happily wedded bliss!

Talk to him. A small simple ceremony with close family can still be had at the courthouse, followed by a cake and champagne reception. Get some photos taken by all means. It may be the second time around... but that doesn't make it any less significant or memorable. Congratulations!!

Answer 7

It's really your call. Last year I was in a wedding that was out of town, so was my older daughter so we decided to take the whole family. My mother-in-law (mother of the bride) hinted around at us getting a sitter for the actual wedding. But because we were out of town and didn't know the babysitter personally we weren't comfortable doing that. The bride knew we were bringing our two younger children and was fine with it. At the time our sons were 8 months old and 3. My husband was with them at all times. We decided against bringing them to the actual rehearsal because we didn't see the point in it. We all went to the dinner after as a family. We made sure they had eaten and had a long nap late in the day so they would be rested and hopefully not fussy later that night. It wasn't a problem at all. We brought along some small toys, and snacks for them. We left earlier than most the guests because they were getting tired but they weren't at all disruptive.If they had been we would have taken them out to the main hall of the restaurant and then made an early exit. At the wedding my husband was with them and sat in the very back row right next to the main exit. He had fruit snacks and Gerber puffs in his pocket, and you didn't hear a peep from the kiddos. We knew ahead of time the ceremony would be short. (under 30 minutes) again they were quiet and didn't scream or cry or anything. Had there been any problem we would have been able to get outside in under a minute. It's really up to you. I think it's a really personal decision.

Answer 8

Hi and congratulations!!

OMG!! NO...that would NOT be inappropriate AT ALL! Contrary....what you want is very acceptable and sounds very elegant!!!

~ You most CERTAINLY should wear a simple wedding gown. It CAN be white.
~ Have your groom wear a suit.
~ Get a small little "nosegay" bouquet for you and a boutonniere for your groom.
~ Take LOTS of pictures.
~ You most certainly should have your friends and family there!

And....it doesn't need to be at the courthouse! What about a nice park or garden? A private room at a restaurant? A bed and breakfast or small inn? Your home? Your parent's home? A friends home/backyard? There are so many nice options!

Good luck and I hope you have a beautiful small wedding and a happy marriage!

EDIT: No....at 42 he is hardly too old for a wedding!!!

Answer 9

You won't look ridiculous if you have another wedding, especially since you have decided you want it so intimate. I would compromise with your fiancee. Tell him why you really want a wedding (like you want to share the day with family). If he loves you, he will understand and at least compromise. (if not, he should!) If you have a little money, you could take a trip or a cruise and get married there and invite a few people for a party so that it is not necessarily a traditional wedding.

Answer 10

If he wants it to be hush hush, I would re-think this whole thing. He should be happy and thrilled to be getting married---not want to hide it.

Tell him how much it means to you. Buy an off white or cream colored simple dress. You are entitled to have a wedding and invite your family and close friends.

If he won't agree to this, maybe he really isn't the one for you. What else would he be opposed to in your lives?