I was in a relationship which my ex bf controls me.. a long distanced relationship.He wanted me to promise him not to talk or look at any guys, dress decently ( no short skirts, no tight shirts, no sleeves with big holes), & not to swim or play basketball. He said he was worried about me and he didnt want other guys to look at me.He even told me to dress as ugly as possible. He told me to wait for him and he'll be back to marry me.I did all that for him but in between i broke few promises. We quarelled but eventually we got over it. Then, we broke up when I only complained that he has no time for me. The reasons are I don't understand him, his family will never accept me for my character. What did I do wrong? I did all that he said & report whatever I do through sms every minute of my life. I cried for a year and now he has a gf but why did he contact me & still flirts with me? He makes me feel bad about myself when he ignores me or put me down.I still love him. Should I stay or leave?
2007-11-13 02:53:56 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Leave him. He gets off when he makes you feel badly about yourself and he knows that he's still in control of your emotions. Distance yourself from him and refuse to answer his phone calls. You need to take some time for yourself and figure out what you want in life...and based on your question, I don't think it's your ex bf.
Chin up...it'll get better.
2007-11-13 02:58:52 · answer #1 · answered by CountryGirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly girly, he is an as*hole. Those things that he told you to do were childish and not something a BF or anyone should make you do. No one that has your best interest would do that to you. Now he has a GF and is still flirting with you. How much more horrible can he get? I would be happy that he has GF. That way he does not hurt you anymore. Find a man that lets you do whatever you want. You don't need a controlling BF like that. I know you love him but being with him will do no good to you. People like that should not have partners. Leave, you deserve a heck of a lot more!
2007-11-13 03:07:12 · answer #2 · answered by OpportunitiesDon'tKnock 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's good that you are aware not to simply go with your emotions. I was just talking with a hateful young girl couldn't help but do that even when I pointed out to her why it was wrong.
Warning, Christian answer:
Jesus advises that before you give anyone spiritual advice that you FIRST (and he indicates that it can be done by God) get the log out of your own eye. The log he is talking about is your own moral / spiritual problem / relationship with God.
If you are a Christian with eternal life than you already have that log in your eye blinding you from understanding God removed.
If you aren't you must first get forgiven. There is an explanation available via the link in my profile entitled "thegospel.html".
Also, should you become a Christian, you should know that it is wrong to have a sensual partner, and God will punish you for touching her in any sexual way. You may not notice yourself being punished, but I assure you he will do so if he forgives you (it stops short of ending up in Hell however).
Read what Job, the man mentioned in the Bible, went through. He suffered intense pain, lost his family and even his friends turned against him. Despite that, he was rescued by God and is now known all over the world for his victory over Satan's attempt to completely turn him against God.
Don't make anything in life a higher priority than pleasing God. Whatever you do, always do it in such a way so that you know he will be happy with you. It may be hard, but it's worth it, and if you love him, that is how you will live your life.
Without God's love, you will always crave more and more and never be content.
Without a friend that gives you an honest answer when you want one, who gives you one out of love, you will always feel some misery. And if you only have friends that flatter you, you may be depressed knowing that they are doing so because they want to take advantage of you in some way rather than truly loving you, or loving you with a pure love, love which isn't self-seeking.
Other things that can make you miserable till you are depressed are a poor diet, bland food, bad smells (like from a carpet or hidden mold), are encountering unpleasant smells often (like perhaps from a new rug which smells bad), have bland surroundings (you may want to decorate your walls with posters), past trauma that is still bothering you because you don't know how to deal with it or because it was very painful, a lack of true friends or ones who give you bad to no advice when you ask for or when they see you need it, or living a shallow life.
I had problems with depression and suicide due to my parents neglecting my education, including knowledge about right from wrong, and not having much interesting or helpful to do. I also got bullied at school for how I was dressed and appeared before I was 14 and of course, instead of the bullies being punished I was the one who got stuck in a miserable substitute for a "normal" public high school and had next to no friends while there (and still have about none). Soon after attending that school I was bullied by the police off an on a few times. Other miserable things happened including being repeatedly kicked out and being mistreated at nearly all the jobs I had by coworkers or bosses who harassed me out of them. But, God saved me and helped me beat my depression and allowed and helped me to accomplish some great things that I can take comfort in having accomplished no matter how miserable. I'm still depressed sometimes, but it's not as bad now since he's opened my eyes.
Check out the link in my profile if you are interested in spiritual help, which I found has been a lasting and permanent solution heading towards perfect peace. I hope you show the link to others. There is also nutritional and cosmetic advice in one my books.
2007-11-14 10:06:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely leave. Without trust in a relationship, you have nothing. He obviously doesn't trust you and is a total control freak. That is a dangerous combination. And to top it off, it sounds like he mightjust be looking for a little fun on the side from his new gf
2007-11-13 03:00:13 · answer #4 · answered by mredgarjr 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl you KNOW you need to LEAVE. You deserve better. The guy is a dog and is playing you big time. Change your phone number, don't read his e-mails. Don't have anything else to do with him. You need someone to love and respect you not control you. You will be much happier without him.
Get on with your life.
2007-11-13 03:01:59 · answer #5 · answered by suzie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, leave. I am in agreement with Opportunities. The only thing you were wrong for was letting him treat you like that. Don't ever let anyone do that to you. You deserve more. I would cut all contact lines with him right away!
2007-11-13 03:17:50 · answer #6 · answered by Random 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should feel blessed that he is out of your life. You don't need a man that makes you feel like his little slave girl. He is not your father, my goodness, telling you what you can and can not do! That is ridiculous! Move on and start putting the focus back on yourself. Time heals all wounds, and this too shall pass.
2007-11-13 03:32:29 · answer #7 · answered by ~Secretrose~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it wasnt your fault it wasnt his nobody is wrong it was a misunderstanding.He was afraid of losing you and thus he was controlling but you were just tired of listening to orders and so you broke afew rules to assume control of your life.
He wass proably afraid that guys thought you were so gorgeous a godess from the heavens or something like that and all guys would want you and he is now acting like a little kid just upset like he was earlier he was upset that he lost his precious jewel his beautiful ex girlfriend and so rather then help you through this rough patch he just makes it tougher for you so that atleast he has the satisfaction of being superior to you.
Dont rush of and bash him the first chance you get relax dont do anything let him try to flirt with you just dont reply change your number if you have to block him out from your life.He might have been a lover but now he just a sad guy trying to get the last say like(taunting you) like a little kid dont you think?IGnore him violence will just lead to more violence.
get over him please for your sake you have to(no matter how beautiful he thought you were.)
2007-11-13 03:19:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
The only thing you did wrong was allow him to control you. No one has the right to tell someone what to wear or not to wear (with the exception of parents to their kids/young teens) or what sports to not play.
For your own sake, don't allow anyone who would try that have anything to do with you.
2007-11-13 02:59:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get away from him. Find someone who isn't insecure and controlling and who loves you for who you are.
2007-11-13 02:59:01 · answer #10 · answered by Marcus M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋