Would it be ok to divorce my husband?

Question

I am a Christian woman and when I began to date my husband he was a strong Christian man. He had some down falls in life, loosing a job and not finishing up with school. And began to change. He began drinking and becoming abusive physicly and emotionaly neglectful. I do not feel he is the same person any more. He has renounced him belifes in God and says he dosn't condier himself a Christian any longer.

I have been going to counsling, yet he refuses to go with me. He says we don't really have any problems. I am afraid to talk to him. I am afraid to leave him because of the abuse.

We have only been married for 2 years. We are both in our mid 20's and have no children. I know Biblicly the only grounds for divorce is audultry. But nothing is working. I've been praying so hard and we've even tried a seperation and it was a failure.

I find myself starting to notice other men. And I feel terably guilty for that. What should I do? Is divorce ok? Will God curse me?

Answer 1

I suggest that abuse is a good reason for divorce. Sounds like no children are involved, so consider doing it before any come to the family. Direction I have recently read from the LDS (Mormon) church leaders, says constant abusive behavior by a spouse, is a reason for a divorce. They also recommend that if adultery happens the spouses attempt to keep the marriage together, and help one another repent.
If you want to try a salvage the marriage check out web site called marriagebuilders.com I will put a link to it in the source list. It is not LDS based, but I find quite good. Dr. Harley is really good at helping marriages come back together.

Don't stay in a abusive relationship, God wants us to have joy in this life.

Answer 2

I would highly recommend that you read Dr. Tony Evan's book on divorce and remarriage. He has a little different take on Biblical grounds for divorce and has the Scriptures to back it up. You should be able to find it at any Christian bookstore, or maybe even online. You should also talk to your pastor or minister for guidance that is in line with your particular denomination.

Keep praying for the Holy Spirit to give you peace and guidance for your decision. If you are physically in danger, get to a domestic violence shelter in your community. God does not want you to physically stay in a situation that isn't safe--He may work through a domestic violence intervention to turn things around or bring them to a point where you will know what you need to do without any doubts or guilt.

God bless you!

Answer 3

I see what you mean about a biblical divorce and I agree, but honestly, my bigger concern now is your immediate safety. You need to get away from him if he is still physically abusing you and stay away, before it escalates. Then if you want, you can try talking to him over the phone or through a third party.

He obviously needs some type of therapy and/or maybe even psychiatric help. (Someone earlier mentioned depression as a possible issue.) If he won't get help, then at that point you can look into the divorce option. Talk with an elder or minister at your church. And pray to God throughout all of this for His wisdom and guidance and protection. God bless!

Answer 4

Work on the relationship.
If there is alcohol involved, THAT is what you are dealing with.
For some people, it alters the personality quickly. It DOES change a person. It may leave the body in a day, but the effects are LONGER lasting.
Get him dry for SIX months, and then at that time, he should be able to begin to think clearly.
A person influenced by alcohol is more easily susceptible to suggestions and ideas, such as believing there is no God.
You have a rough road ahead. You will need to have people around you to support your efforts. Begin with your Pastor. Anyone else MUST be people that can and will keep the confidence and not gossip.
As far as the other, walk in the spirit and you will not go after the flesh. Refuse to even notice other men.

Answer 5

There is NOTHING in the Bible that says you must submit yourself to a worthless, shiftless, abusive husband. Get yourself to a shelter and stay there until he either gets help or your get enough counseling to make a decision. For all of this to have occurred in 2 years is well, nothing short of spectacular! ALLOWING a man, husband or otherwise, to physically abuse you is just plain stupid! Not Biblical either! Darling, a reality check, a STRONG CHRISTIAN man would not have let a few nicks and scrapes, such as losing a job, or missing some school, to throw him down the well to Hell that quick. My guess is your man wasn't the best Christian to start with, and has given you plenty of signs BEFORE you having married him, that he wasn't flying on all 6 Christian cylinders. The best way to deal with this, is to get help and counseling for yourself for now. DO NOT pick up ANOTHER LOSER until you have totally and completely figured out your situation. Dragging some other poor soul into your misery is, well, unchristian like and certainly something a STRONG CHRISTIAN WOMAN SUCH AS YOURSELF would NOT be inclined to do at this juncture. PLEASE Vanna, get a clue and really look at your character, your husbands too, and be honest in your assessments of what is truly wrong and what you can or CANNOT do about it. I suggest you find a GOOD Christian counselor to talk to, and given your propensity to look at men, I suggest a woman counselor be sought. Don't look to replace what you already have just yet, work on some solutions, but not in the home. Move yourself to safety, and seek the assistance of a restraining order or peace bond to keep him away from you until he gets help. In some communities, counseling is part of the divorce process. See if filing will allow you to access a judge who will order you both into counseling, or him into alcohol rehab or something. Consult with a Christian lawyer to see what, if anything can be done, short of a divorce. If your husband will not submit to counseling and help, in effect he has abandoned the marriage. Being a Christian does mean allowing others to hit us and wipe their feet on us. God gave you a body, it is a gift from Him, allowing others to knock it around, and pound on it when they are in a bad mood, is not right! Get some help my dear and for Jesus sake, keep your eyes on Him and not on other MEN! Good luck!

Answer 6

If he is truly abusing you then leave him and get a divorce. Do you really think God would want you to endanger your life? If you believe in God and the bible then use your head and stop keeping yourself in a situation that could potentially end your life. Isn't your life more important than "scriptural grounds" for divorce? Do you think God wants you to put your life at risk because he didn't commit adultery? Seek therapy for yourself, tell friends and family what is going on and put yourself first. Your life is worth saving!

Answer 7

Honey you are human too, not just a Christian.And as both you know that you are forgiven.No matter what you do.God isn't going to make you stay with someone who has denied him.And is making you miserable.I'm divorced and a Christian.And my minister even agrees that God doesn't hold your mistakes against you.We are not perfect but we are forgiven.As a Christian this is something you need to understand.It took me a long time to realize this myself.Don't beat yourself silly over it.Get on with your life and find the man God intended you be with. I will say a prayer for you right now,for your guidance.God Bless

PS anyone who tells you different does not understand Gods love themselves.

Answer 8

You'll get a lot of fundamentalist answers condemning yyou if you do. If it is a sin to divorce a spouse, then it is more of a sin to endure abuse. Being married to the man, there is always the possibility of children--that would be the greatest sin of all to subject a child to an abusive household. Please don't let misguided fear of doing something religiously wrong make you stay in an abusive relationship--it will only get worse. If you think divorce is a sin, just bear in mind that under the circumstances, God will forgive you.

Answer 9

God does not want you beaten up or abused. If you just woke up one morning and you decided you just didn't love him well that's one thing, but getting abused is another! If your husband has denounced his Christianity, then your marriage to him is not pleasing in God's eyes: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)."
God gave you a brain to use and common sense. Abuse is never ever ok. Pray that God will give you the strength to do the right thing--please leave this man before you are killed! And please PLEASE leave him before children are involved--if you think leaving is hard now it is a thousand times harder when children are involved. I will be praying for you.

Answer 10

YES YES YES!!! That is against one of the 10 commandments, he is not a good husband when it comes to something like that you have every right to divorce him... so sorry to hear that