Has anyone else had this problem with "The Golden Rule?"?

Question

All too often, when I try to "do unto others as I would have them do unto me," it ticks them off. Is it just because I'm a little weird, or is it because we're all different (imagine an extravert trying to cheer up an introvert, for instance).

Not that I'm a Christian anymore, but I'm asking as someone who tries to treat people well.

Ah, no, I haven't taken it *literally,* it's just that I often have trouble figuring out just what the others would have me do unto them.

Jayceeinspect -- it's okay, I haven't lost God, we just have a new relationship.

Answer 1

You already answered your own question. Your problem is not with the Golden Rule, it is your trouble figuring out how people would like to be treated in various situations. I can make a simple suggestion: Ask them. This doesn't always work, but many people if asked will tell you I don't want to talk but I want you to stay near me, or hold my hand, get away from me, etc.

Other than that you have to pay attention to body language, tone, and use your knowledge of the person's personality to guess.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Well yeah you have to dig a little deeper. If you're an extravert and you cheer up with noise and company, and you try to cheer up an introvert by this method, yes that's going to fail... but the point is that you recognize they need cheering up.

The trick is to understand what works for them, because that's the actual point of the rule. This requires the skill of empathy - understanding someone else's feelings. It can guide you. If you know someone's a introvert or generally a private person, and you're an extrovert, empathy tells you that what would work for you wouldn't work for them, and if you think it over you should be able to find what would. Talking with them about what they need will clarify the situation.

What you've got to be able to do is take your mind out of you for a moment and imagine being them. It's okay to be weird, but it's unhelpful to project that weirdness onto everyone else. You've got to understand *their* needs.

Answer 3

I found your "thoughts" on the Golden Rule interesting. "Do unto others:": You do not want others to lie to you or steal from you or murder you, etc. In other words you should treat others without maliciousness or dishonesty. As for not being a Christian anymore: If you got saved then the Lord wrote your name in the Lamb's book of life. Therefore, how can you not be a Christian any more? Christian means you believed in Jesus, repented, & took Jesus into your heart to live. Just because a Christian goes through hardships does not mean he or she is not saved. Remember, we walk by faith not sight.
Hope this helps~

Answer 4

Well, if you were a Christian I would say with people it is impossible, But with God ALL things are possible. When we try to do things on our own that is being proud. God resists the proud but gives Grace to the humble. Being humble is giving our problems to God knowing we cannot do anything about it and then deciding to forget about it, knowing God has got everything in control.
Sorry to hear about your loss, God really is the best being anyone can be lucky enough to have a relationship with.

Take care.

Answer 5

Yes, this is a corollary: "No good deed goes unpunished." Some people thrive on conflict, and no matter what good you try to do for them, they will not accept it, believing you to be condescending or to have an agenda or something. It is just the way they have always thought, and they do not believe that anyone who does good can possibly be doing it without ulterior motives. One must simply accept that people will be this way and avoid them if possible. Sometimes you can break through this by being continuously good by example--that is, if they give you the chance.

Answer 6

I think the golden rule applies to all not just Christians. There is nothing wrong with being a little weird. I like to think of it as expressing your individuality. If you are being nice to someone and its ok if they do not do it in return. At least you know you are being the better person.

Answer 7

I guess that depends on how you want them to treat you.
If you want to be treated like a woman, then don't go treating guys like women or anything.
If you want to be whipped and chained or something, then that might annoy some people.

The golden rule thing is just kind of a way of life. You treat people with respect, and help them when they are in need. They will reciprocate your respect, and help you when you are in need.
Its not that anyway you want to be treated, you should treat everyone else that way.

Answer 8

Are you trying to snog beautiful women without asking them first by any chance? I mean yes we would all like them to do that to us, but that doesn't mean we should try doing it to them.

Ok serious answer: We are all primates. Society has been warring for millenia. There are a lot of suffering people out there. As such, we need kind people who make effort, like you, however we can't expect everyone else to be rational enough to realise when someone is being kind to them.

Please don't get discouraged.

Answer 9

I think we need to see the Golden rule a bit less literally. To me its about treating others in ways that are right for them. For instance, I love black olives on my pizza but my friend doesn't. Golden rule to me means I order half with black olives and other what my friend likes because I would want them to treat me with the same consideration. Not that interpreting the Golden Rule to be to treat others literally the way I want to be treated I should order the whole thing covered with black olives.

Answer 10

It does have some problems, particularly in the Christian phrasing. Confucius put it better, he said not to do to others what you did not want done to yourself. By advising what not to do rather than what to do, it can't be interpreted in such a way that you'd piss someone off. So it doesn't mean that masochists should go around hurting people.