One of my great aunts used to be a caterer and is a very good cook. However, she refuses to give out any of her recipes to ANYONE. At a baby shower this past weekend, she declared (as she does at just about any function whenever anyone says they like what she's made) that no one will get her recipes until the day she dies. And when she says no one, she means NO ONE.
I know they're her recipes and she can do what she wants with them, but I just found it a little rude. I've always taken wanting to exchange recipes as a pretty high compliment. Even if I did have a recipe that I wanted to keep secret, I'd at least let my family in on it! I can totally understand not exactly wanting friends and other visitors in on some things, but FAMILY???
What are your thoughts on this?
2007-11-13 00:51:52 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I should also add that although she is a really good cook, her food isn't exactly five star quality.
2007-11-13 01:03:26 · update #1
After reading Avaraway's response I should clarify: When I say her food isn't five star quality, I mean it's good but not "incredible". For example, the food at Chili's is very good, but it certainly isn't five star quality!
Also, no one ever really says they want her recipes. She simply announces to the world when she gets compliments on her food that no one will ever get her recipes until she dies. As I said, I can understand not wanting to give out recipes to friends, co-workers, aquaintances, etc. but I'm talking about giving to family.
2007-11-13 01:25:39 · update #2
pattyaq7: I have no problem whatsoever with telling her exactly what I've said here, thanks.
2007-11-13 01:52:05 · update #3
Well, yeah, it's rude. Especially since she does it when no one has even asked for the recipe.
I could understand not wanting to share the recipe if it was something that everyone made a big deal about but it was a family recipe.
However, with all the recipe sites on the internet, you should be able to type in a few of the ingredients in any of the dishes anyone made and come up with at least one or two very similar recipes.
2007-11-13 02:03:56 · answer #1 · answered by startwinkle05 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Really all you can do is continue to be polite and don't take her complaining personally. Revenge can be fun to think about but in the long run it's never a good idea. She sounds like a lonely unhappy woman who deserves some pity if not compassion. On the other hand I know that's easier said than done. There was one customer where I used to work that always made me want to go hide and sometimes I did.
2016-04-03 22:32:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is her prerogative, absolutely. I think all the close family and friends should get together and agree NOT TO ASK , ever again, for one of her recipes.
If the old biddy wants to play the Prima Dona of the kitchen, let her, but don't give her any applause at the end of the performance. Actually, complimenting people on particular dishes of food used to be (perhaps still is) a breach of etiquette. One should say something to the effect, "This has been a wonderful evening."
I would not be surprised if old Auntie started talking about a cook book when her claim to fame (in her mind) was ignored.
2007-11-13 02:08:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Try and look at it from her point of view... When someone is considered to be a good/great cook, yes a lot of people willl want the recipes that the individual may hold dear. Cooking to many is a art form, it is a delicate balance of creativeness.
Some people take great pride in having something wanted by many. No it is not being selfish or rude, it is favored and cherished.
I'm sure she feels very very honored by you and others in the family wishing to have the recipes that she holds dear. But remember, I'm sure somewhere you also to have things you cherish in your life, they just happen to be different.
And if by chance she is a "older" woman, let it go. Allow her to have the flattery and the knowledge that those in the family cherish her cooking and that no one knows her secrets of cooking.
2007-11-13 01:01:43 · answer #4 · answered by Rebel Wildfire 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
See, people are different and its human nature to try and protect something that is considered valuable and that only you have. Your aunt isnt into sharing at all.
Probably the only reason why she feels she is admired is because of her recipies..thats why she doesnt want to share it,
Respect her feelings.
I can understand if u find it rude but you have to understand how she thinks abt her git of cooking. Its an art that she wants full control on.
If you can try to make her understand that why it is important for family to know or at least one person to know so that when she dies there will be at least someone who can carry on the legacy of her great cooking. You can tell her that we can have a book published with her name and photo...
See if there is something that only you have and others admire, would you give the secret out or share it with everyone? No...may be she feels important that she knows it. Try and respect her thinking and don't force her.. In fact praise her and try telling her what i told u above..it might help!
2007-11-13 00:59:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anon_girl 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
The story as you described shows your Aunt to be presumptuous (thinking everyone WANTS her recipes) and a little rude. I thought most good cooks enjoyed sharing their work and YES the knowledge they have with others.
To me it is the ultimate compliment we someone wants a recipe and I would be glad to share them.
In a way don't you want to say, "That is okay Aunt ______ I mean your chili is good and all but I don't think anyone can improve on Mom's chili." - You know just take her down a peg?
2007-11-13 02:29:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I have some recipies that I'm more than happy to share. And then I have others that are my pride and joy and I won't share. I have several given to me by a pastry chef friend. I make the items to give away as presents. Those will never leave my possession.
One sister will never get my recipies... because I know that she'll claim them as her own and tell others she created them. Even most chefs won't give you the "perfect" recipe. They'll give you something close, but not what they use.
The announcing to everyone, that is rude. I just tell the person who requests it that I'm sorry, but it's one that I just don't share. Very quiet and very discreet.
2007-11-13 01:01:44 · answer #7 · answered by usafbrat64 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If it's not 5 star, why do you want it anyway?
I once baked my grandmother's coffee cake recipe and brought to a function. A girl there wanted the recipe. Out of respect for my grandmother, I didn't give her the recipe because she'd probably pass it off as her own. She seemed the type to and not give credit where it's due. I think it was her very demanding attitude. You HAVE to give me that recipe! I was thinking, 'Or what? You'll shoot me if I don't?'
2007-11-13 01:08:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I suppose that depends on the delivery of her denial of request. I think rude is the wrong word. Selfish maybe. I am certain that this stand comes from egotism. While she has the recipe she is someone special in her own eyes. It's also a little controlling.
Break into her house, copy the recipe book and publish it on the internet.
2007-11-13 01:05:44 · answer #9 · answered by Gaspode the wonder dog 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Let the old lady have her recipes....we all have a recipe that has a secret ingredient or whatever that we don't want to share. Something that is special that you can only get from us! By the way....isn't is rude to complain so much about your aunt behind her back.
2007-11-13 01:34:33 · answer #10 · answered by pattyaq7 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋