So long story short, I love my sister so much, but through out the years she has had hard times (drugs/partying) And when she is clean (not doing any drugs) she is my best friend, but she goes on bindges that sometimes last 7-10 months, and she becomes a completely different person. I want her in my wedding (clean), but who's to say she wont go on a binge and be Missing in Action during my wedding. What should I do? I was thinking of asking her to be a BM and if before the wedding she goes missing just replace her with someone, but I dont want to be rude and make someone else feel like they are 2nd choice.
I really want the clean her in the wedding! What would you do? or have you had any experience in this. PLEASE HELP!
And I dont want mean answers, I already know the situation is twisted,so I dont need anyone to tell me my family is f***ed up!
2007-11-13 00:41:14 · 15 answers · asked by : ) 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thanks Florida Fun in the sun. The advice was good! But as far as the movie "28 Days" My sister has been to at leat 10 28 day rehabs, and also a few 6 month stays at half way houses. So that wouldnt work. But the movie was cute. And my sister could definatly be the one to do that at a wedding!!! LMAO
2007-11-13 01:39:30 · update #1
That's tougher. Ettiquette-wise, there is no clean solution.
You could explain the situation to a best friend and hope that she understands how close a bond between sisters is ...
Or you could give that best friend a very important different role and warn her that she may end up pinch hitting (and buying her dress for her).
2007-11-13 00:45:51 · answer #1 · answered by Elana 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you just ask another girl to be your bridesmaid and that way if your sister is not around you still have an extra girl without making her feel out of place?
Have you talked to your sister about how you feel? I would express to her that you would love for her to be in your wedding, but that you really need her to be clean. Explain that if she feels she can't stick to that, she should let you know now so you can decide what to do next.
2007-11-13 01:49:39 · answer #2 · answered by Paula Christine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW.. thats rough! i am in the same situation with one of my best friends.. i really wanted her in my wedding but like you said what if she goes on one of those binges again.. so i completely understand where you are coming from.. i decided not to have her in my wedding.. HOWEVER, this is your sister and i understand that it is completely different.. so in this case, i would def talk to her and let her know how you are feeling and make her understand that if she f***s up then you will have to relieve her of being your bridesmaid.. and is there anyway, to start out with the guys and girls being uneven so that when it gets closer to the wedding, if you have to take her out you wont have a problem cuz it will be even but then if she is still going to be in the wedding, you can add another guy.. your fiance can just be like"o my god.. im such an idiot.. i cant believe i forgot to ask you to be in my wedding" ya know? how does that sound??
2007-11-13 00:56:34 · answer #3 · answered by Tiff Tiff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, there is a great movie out with Sandra Bullock, I think it is called "28 Days". Something like that, anyhow...check it out. You could gain a lot of insight from it. I would ask her to be in the wedding, but don't have a stand in. Just go one short if she is a no-show. Regardless of her appearance that day..Don't let it affect your special day!!!! Remember that this day is for you and your husband-to-be and that is all that matters. You cannot control everything, so only worry about the two of you and let the pieces fall where they may. Good Luck and Congrats on the big event!
2007-11-13 01:27:46 · answer #4 · answered by Florida Fun in the Sun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must have a loved and trusted friend that you can confide in. Maybe ask them to be a backup. Be honest about your concerns. Make a place for them in the wedding either way. Like they could do the guest book or the cake.If you are honest with your expectations, then nobody should be hurt. A good friend would understand.
2007-11-13 01:18:07 · answer #5 · answered by pattyaq7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that you are going to have to talk to her about. Tell her exactly what you put on here. You really want her in your wedding, but it cannot happen if she is going to be destructive to herself. It is going to be a hard conversation, but any step you can take to help keep her clean will be worth it. Take care of yourself and best of luck with this!
2007-11-13 01:56:34 · answer #6 · answered by vaya 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are willing to take a risk, tell her you want her to be a bridesmaid. If she does relapse before your wedding, you can tell her not to come- you would be within bounds to do so. In that case, you would be one bridesmaid short but thats not a problem- the bridesmaids and groomsmen do NOT have to be an equal number, thats just silly. So no need for an extra token bridesmaid.
2007-11-13 03:00:21 · answer #7 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your best bet I think is to discuss this with her. Tell her how much you love her and how much it would mean to you for her to be in your wedding. Tell her that on your very special day you want her by your side as your best friend and sister. But also tell her that she needs to stay clean for the occasion. If she knows how much it means to you she may care enough to stay straight and on the right track so she can be there for you. I'm sure she wants your day to be perfect just like you do.
2007-11-13 00:57:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you could buy her a dress when you buy the others and then if she is still clean a month before the wedding present her with the dress and tell her how proud you are of her sobriety and that you knew she could do it and then get some alterations made.. its not like you need to have exact matching pairs of attendents..
2007-11-13 01:23:10 · answer #9 · answered by hitchnj 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm with you - ask her to be in it, and have a substitute waiting in the wings in case she flakes out.
How to pick the substitute? This is what your mother, maid of honor, groom, cousin are here for. Consult with them about who to ask. Choose somebody about your sister's size, somebody you know is mature & generous (maybe a co-worker or cousin). Talk to that person "I really need your help. I know you're my friend, but we're not so tight that you'd plan to be in my wedding party. But I trust you enough to ask this huge favor. etc."
Or else talk to the wedding director about how to go ahead with one less bridesmaid. It's very common to have a different number of maids & groomsmen, especially to have more groomsmen because they work as ushers, etc.
2007-11-13 01:00:16 · answer #10 · answered by noname 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would ask her to be BM but give her special role, so that even if she does make it, you won't have to be looking for someone else at the last minute. e.g make her a chief BM her function could mainly be to assit you MOH and other BM.
this way she important but if she isn't around, her absence won't interrupt the true order of your bridal party.
2007-11-13 01:32:07 · answer #11 · answered by heartbroken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋