Christians--What is the best way to talk to my friend about dying?

Question

What is the best way to talk to my friend about dying?
What is the best way to pray for my friend?

She is 39 years old, several years ago she was diagnosed with diabetes. Then, her health began to go down hill quickly. She was put on a pancreas and kidney transplant list as both of her kidney's combined output is only ten percent. Earlier this year, she was diagnosed with congestive heart failure so she was taken off of the transplant list.

When we were young we went to church together but I am unsure whether or not she is saved. The doctor has just told her family that she has maybe three or four months to live. They have said they do not want to tell her yet because they think she will just give up. I am visiting with her tonight at 5pm Central and I ask for your suggestions and PRAYERS. I want to comfort her and let her know that Jesus loves and comforts her too.

Any suggestions?

Here name is Marie.

Thank you JOYfilled. I appreciate everyone's prayers and thoughtful advice.

I was not thinking of breeching the topic with out the family's direction...but my friend spent her last phone conversation with me talking about dying. She also mentioned (unsolicitated by me) that she, "knows she should get back to church." And I think this is her way of saying she needs Jesus.

I just wanted to share a little more about what occurred--I visited with my friend for two hours. She was in denial about the seriousness of her condition. Later her brother told me when she is feeling bad she knows she will die but when she is feeling okay she goes into denial. Her heart was not yet open to God. This will require me investing some time assisting her in some practical matters (rides and cleaning her home) & having more contact with her. Maybe this will open the door to her heart. Please keep praying and Thank all of You for your kind thoughts and practical ideas.

Answer 1

Just bring it up gently. Mention that phone call with her, and ask her if she's having any doubts about her salvation. Make sure you have your Bible so you can help her. She had known you since you were a kid, she knows how much you care about her, so she will probably understand that your motives are loving ones. Just don't bring up the fact that she has months to live - let her think that you are asking because the phone call made you worry that she's struggling with her faith. And above all, pray really hard before you go see her. Ask God to give you wisdom; that is one prayer He will answer! Remember - "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask it of God, who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not." He will help you talk to her.

I'm so sorry about your friend. I hope you are able to help her spiritually.

Answer 2

Dear Steinbeck,

I will be praying for you and Marie this afternoon.
I'm praying that she will open up to you with what is on her heart so that you will have the opportunity to share your love and concern for her here in the body and hereafter in the spirit.

Have you ever seen the forward Keep Your Fork? It is about a young woman who tells her pastor or rabbi that she wants to be buried with her fork in her hand and that when mourners ask about it they are to be told that she died believing that "the BEST is yet to be."

Another possibility is to take along a copy of The Father's Love Letter and ask her if she has ever read it. You could ask her her thoughts about it and which of the verses really speak to her. http://www.fathersloveletter.com

I will send your question to Angelica1951 to see if she might offer some suggestions because she is a palliative care nurse.

As a diabetic of 43 years I will be interested to hear more about your visit.

God bless you both.

Edit:
I had been wondering if she might have brought something up and it seems she has since she said she "should get back to church." I would just take it from there and ask her exactly why she feels that she should and then let the conversation develop from there. I know that you will do fine because I have found so much comfort in the prayers that you have prayed for people on Y!A that you have never even met. And Marie is your friend but not only your friend. Jesus loves her and He is sending you to talk about what is on her heart.

For His glory,
JOYfilled

Answer 3

Dear Steinbeck11,

You must share the Gospel with her. You must gently tell her her true condition. People make the mistake of hiding truth. Truth is always a good thing.

This is NOT a desicion for her family alone. She is not a child. She is an adult. This idea of lying to people about their true condition because of "robbing them of hope" is just so much nonsense.

You do not know where she will spend eternity. If she truely does not know how ill she really is, then she also does not know how important her spiritual condition is at this moment.

PLEASE show her true love and gently share her condition AND the love of Jesus with her. You might be the ONLY person who will do this.

She knows you love her.

Would you want her robbed of even just a few months of having the chance to build her relationship with the Savior?

To paraphrase C. S. Lewis, "....better (for the devil) if people die not knowing they are dieing, amid nurses, doctors, family, and friends who lie also" (sorry, i'm paraphrasing from memory. I believe that is from "The Screwtape Letters")

The point is; The devil would like nothing better than for folks to be ignorant of their health (physical and spiritual) and then one day just, "slip away into eternity".

With no real chance to "make things right" with God.

Your friend can probably handle the truth. Its her "so-called" friends (and family) who cant.

You have my prayers. I pray that Gods will be done.

The bitterest pill can be swallowed if coated in genuine love.



....theBerean

Answer 4

She already has Jesus. You tell her, HE NEVER LEFT her.

You tell her that to be absent from this body or earth suit IS: to be with God. She will live on with our Father. Her body is giving out, but her essence (SOUL) will carry on.

You have been a good friend to her and she needs you now. Her family will need you later. Please remember that NO ONE can stop this. If God wants to take her home. He will, and nothing anyone does, can make a difference.

I just lost my Mom in August and the hardest part (Besides missing her) Is the WHAT IF`S. "What if" I had taken her to a different Doctor? "What if" I had stopped by that day? "What if" I had called? "What if" I had taken her to a different hospital? What if, What if.. I do know in my heart that : When it is your time, It is your time.. I wish you the best and I will be praying for you, Her, and her family. Email me if you feel like talking, I listen real good.. {:-)

† Peace and God bless from Lonestar Prayer Warrior-ess <><

Answer 5

I pray Gods protection over Marie right now. That Gods Word that she has heard in the past be put in her thoughts today. That whosoever calls on the Name of the Lord shall be saved.

I pray that you get special assurance in your spiritman that she has confessed Jesus Christ her Lord & Savior & believes He raised from the dead. See? Jesus is the Resurrection & the Life. He overcame death for us.

There is no other Name than 'Jesus' by whom man can be saved. So? Just let her know how Jesus loves her. Maybe give her a copy of the Father's love letter. http://www.fathersloveletter.com .

I bind any spirit who will tempt her to just give up & bind it with weights & throw into the deep sea to wait until judgment day. I loose her with the open mind to receive the Word of God into her heart. So? Also that God will heal her today, above her expectations. See? God can heal her miraculously & then she won't die. That would be the best. I have heard of this happening before. And in this case, the man was a Muslim in a hospital & saw a Christian program, & then called on this 'Jesus' & he ended up healed & never died. I heard his testimony on TBN.

Also, you could send this question to her or make a copy of it for her after you thumbed down the harmful answers.

t Prayer Warrior in Christ t

Answer 6

I do not think it is right to withhold this kind of information from someone you love. But it is not up to me.
After some small talk, Tell her that you are worried about her and her health since she has been sick so ling. I would then come out and ask her where she thinks she will spend eternity if anything should happen to her.
Do not be afraid to raise this question. She knows you and knows of your beliefs.
Also ask her to pray with you for her and her health.

The best way to pray for your friend is to ask Jesus to comfort your friend and give her as much time as she needs to come back to You, Dear Jesus. Take away the pain she feels and give her peace. Help her realize that You love her and want her to be with You in heaven when the time is at hand.

Answer 7

I will pray for you and Marie and her family. It sounds like your ammendment that it is possible for Marie to come to know the Lord at this moment if she isn't saved already. May I suggest, you ask permission to pray with her. During the prayer time ask and offer the sinners prayer. I agree with JOYfill to bring along "The Fathers Love letter" ..It sounds like her heart is ready. During your time with her, pray the HS be with you both and she open to the Lord as her savior.

For the coping with her dying the most powerful gift you can give her is to listen. Acknowledge that she is dying. Ask her how she feels about dying then listen. Let her know it is ok to talk about dying. She needs to be comforted by knowing that the love ones around her will be okay once she is gone. Offer the same to her family. Your greatest gift to her is to be sure she is saved and allow her to leave the earth to be pain free. Her gift to you is the privilage to be a part of her death. Dying is like birthing. There is a process and although all deaths, like birth's are basically the same, they are all different. Birth into the world and death is birth into eternity. Thank her for the privilage of sharing her intimate moment. This will help the family also if death is not horrific but portrayed as beautiful. Remember, those of us left behind grieve our loss, it is really selfish because we should celebrate their not being in any pain any longer.

Although this all sounds like a directive, I really intend it to be suggested. I do hope my suggestions help.

I will pray for you and the family. Lord be with you all.

Answer 8

While it's great that you worry about her being saved, it's a choice she has to make. No one can make it for her. And being saved isn't an instantaneous thing. One must continue to work at making sure they are doing what's right. It's not a "once saved, always saved" thing.

A lot of people take the news they are going to die hard at first, but then they come to accept it. Other people just accept it from the start. There's no way to know how your friend will react, but she just needs to know she is loved, by you, by God, by her family, and everyone who knows her. Most people take comfort in knowing that someone is praying for them.

Under no circumstances should you tell her that a miracle might happen and she will be healed. If God wants that for her, he will give it to her. If she is told that, it could instill a sense of false hope that might lead to depression. It's one thing if she brings it up; it's another to have someone tell her that.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 9

You should also do like the doctors. Encourage her to get better instead. Tell her to never give up and get better because you both still have things to do! For example, "Hey remember that Vegas vacation we're supposed to take? We can't do it with you stuck here! Come on fight this thing down, get better and get up"! Bring her some pictures or things associated with good times as inspiration. There's a reason people are not told about impending death, it also dims their will to live. Also, you would be confirming their worst fears and probably something they may already know. Keep a positive attitude and encourage her to get better soon. May God be with you and her. Have a blessed day too!

Answer 10

Dear sister,
Your friend is in my prayers! I know that the Lord will give you just the right words to say when the time comes. I am praying the words are not yours but the Lord's. That it will reach her heart and she will want to make sure of her salvation. Pray that the Lord would use you to convict her heart if she is not saved. That the Lord will make her heart tender and receptive. What a wonderful friend to her you are! May the Lord bless you both!

†In His Service Prayer Warrior†