I need help =[?

Question

ok so im pakistani so we practice marraige between cousins. my brother was engaged to be married to my cousin, my dads brothers daughter, whom i love very much. but she died 2 years ago when she was 18. =[

so my brother, a year ago, said he wanted to be married to my other cousin, my dads sisters daughter. both my parents agreed because shes a great girl and we all love her.

so my mom called their house and asked her mom for her hand in marraige and they said yes, after asking her. my parents did this w/o asking my dads brother.

when my dads brother and his sons and daughters (they r all over 20) found out, they werent even happy b/c they were kinda jealous cause their daughter was supposed to get married to my brother.

so from tht day to now, they keep telling my dad false information abt my dads sister and her children. their objective is to get my dad to break the engagement. but i dont want tht to happen. wat can i do? can i even do anything?

i kno this doesnt belong in the ramadan section, but i want muslims to answer =].

guys! my brother and my cousin love each other. OK, its not exactly an arranged marraige.

Answer 1

ah, i am from pakistan too, and i know this kind of behaviour too well,

i am quite shocked to hear of such a behaviour from a person whose daughter had died, but well, here in pakistan, you can almost expet anything at all (and i know you will agree with this too)

your dad must be steadfast in his decision because once a girl gets engaged, the family of the girl has all their hopes tied with the family to whom they will be sending their daughter to. if you think that he is having second thoughts about it, you should talk to him about it, because it will hurt your aunt and her family (and especially the girl) quite alot if the engagement is broken. moreover, if this does happen (i hope it does not, Inshallah), then you know, it becomes a talk in the whole family that the girl had had been engaged before and the engagement was broken, and so false suspicions about the girl start to leak out in the family. i know, this type of thinking is very shameful but unfortunately it is also very common in our society.

so you should talk to your dad, and tell him if he already doesnt know, that his brother might only be doing all this out of jealousy and also remind your dad that engagement is a big commitment, so he should just ignore whatever is being said and proceed with the marriage. tell your father that you like your cousin and would love her to be the part of the family and assure him that she is nothing like what is being said. Allah is always there to set everything alright.

Answer 2

This may seem harsh but my advise to you would be to keep out of it. The problem is between your father and his brother -there may be bad blood and mischief at the moment but inshallah in the long term they will form an understanding over this matter. If you try to handle this situation in any way and also to the fact that you are younger could in fact course more friction with your other cousins. If you really wanted to you could talk to your dad, and let him know how you feel and the vibes you are feeling in the family unit, but other than that I would not interfere. When cracks appear it is very difficult to mend these. Let the adults handle this, and show your brother and your future sister-in-law that you support them all the way.

Answer 3

Wait. But isnt ur dads brothers daugter dead? WHy dont they want ur bro to marry? Ok.
That is a very tough q.
Maybe ur dads bros family feels sad at the loss of their daughter and feel her memory is vanishing by ur bros marriage. Maybe u should ask them who they think ur bro should marry. Hopefully ull be able 2 get out of every girl they find. Or just talk to them and make sure the wedding isnt so fancy (in remmbrence of ur lost cousin.) I really hope it works out!!!

A Muslimah

Answer 4

This is normall in Pakistani community they never let you settle, always causing stress and heartache, sometimes i think they have shataan in them, form my experience it's best just to listen and don't respond to their critism's, from my experience marrying first cousins is doomed to failure because of family involvement, no offence but it's fact.

Answer 5

I think you have got lot of advise above...
so there is nothing much to say to me...
If you like your cousin to be your brothers wife, It means she must be a very good person...
You can talk with your brother about it...
tell him not to listen what your uncle say about your cousin...
If your very close with your brother than he will listen to you...

Answer 6

WOW! thats so wrong! i'm really sorry to hear about your cousin though, may Allah have mercy on her, but what your uncle's family is doing is very incorrect, and they have to understand that it was from the will of Allah that their daughter dies, and wasn't able to marry your bro.
Insha-Allah the marriage will go through as u wish. asalamu alaikum

Answer 7

Salaam sis, i no too well wat kind of a problem ur havin, seeing as im paki n i've experienced sumthin kinda lyk it...
The most u can do is pray. In fact that is all u can do, coz nothing can change without the will of Allah. Don't worri but just keep praying and making D'ua and Insh'allah Allah will make things better for u and all of ur family. I will also pray for u wenever i can. I hope all turns out well - keep ur head up!! =)
Allah Hafiz xxx

Answer 8

that is soo confusing.....i read it over and tried to get it, but it looks like this whole marrige with the families is causing fitnah, so if, on the off chance i was pakistani, a guy, and your brother, i would find another lady i was intrested to marry that is not related to me...

i am not too sure but i think your bro should choose who he wants to marry....does he even want to marry is cousin, thats kinda awakard

Answer 9

Lol. Da Man's answer is good!

Well sister....I'm not sure what else to say except if it is Allah's will for them to get married then nothing that anyone can do will prevent this. Allah's will is always done. It can never be undone.
(Lolz I think I've been listening to Sami Yusuf waaay to much!)

Answer 10

This is appaling. Your uncle is backbiting and that is not right.

Please be the mediator and advise your dad that listning to that man is wrong. His daughter is dead and he has no right in controlling who your brother gets married to.